Bar Mitzvah Under 10k

amother

Diamond

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:45 pm

I am making a bar mitzvah iyh in a few weeks.
Bo bayom- doing a breakfast for about 50 ppl. (It's Erev yt) Probably will be in the 2.5-3k range

Shabbos will be big about 120-160 per meal. Gonna cost more than 10k but that's because there are things I want to do that I am splurging on....but I am also cooking a ton myself to save costs.
It's possible to do for a lot less.

The only thing I want to say is that please make sure your son fits in with the other bar mitzvahs in his social circle.
I know someone who just made a bar mitzvah and didn't plan it normally. The boy got nervous that he wouldn't have a bar mitzvah and ended up putting pressure to do what he wanted.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, May 13 2024, 4:33 am

amother Diamond wrote:

I am making a bar mitzvah iyh in a few weeks.
Bo bayom- doing a breakfast for about 50 ppl. (It's Erev yt) Probably will be in the 2.5-3k range

Shabbos will be big about 120-160 per meal. Gonna cost more than 10k but that's because there are things I want to do that I am splurging on....but I am also cooking a ton myself to save costs.
It's possible to do for a lot less.

The only thing I want to say is that please make sure your son fits in with the other bare mitzvahs in his social circle.
I know someone who just made a bar mitzvah and didn't plan it normally. The boy got nervous that he wouldn't have a bar mitzvah and ended up putting pressure to do what he wanted.

120-160 ppl per meal? Wow

amother

Yolk

Mon, May 13 2024, 5:19 am

amother White wrote:

Bpro park. Yes we had schnapps. Wine on every table. High end hall but very very few upgrades (cocoa cola, mens,table, sweet stand, kugel etc). Kiddush we have women but serve same as men. Food was delicious everyone was happy without the separate fancy lady event

Which hall? Because I chose one of the “cheaper” halls and it was $5.5K for 30 couples, sweet table, only upgrade was $500 for flowers.
Then the kiddush was about $250 and then clothing and hat and suits and beketshes and photographer and music (family member paid minimal minimal amount) and benchers (no logo on it so also minimal) and and and.

It was $10K all together (and I splurged on my dress but no new wig no new streimel for my husband and no custom Tefillin bag).

So I’m really curious now which hall is considered high end with so many couples and no upgrades. Making another bm in 13 months iyh.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, May 13 2024, 5:46 am

amother OP wrote:

I would love to do this but we come from a very heimish/ Hungarian background and we would literally be considered the parahias of the family if we did something like this. If you don’t come from such a background or live in these circles you won’t be able to understand. Even with what I am planning to do it will be significantly less than what all our siblings and family do and will be basic in every way. I don’t need anything fancy or high end at all (they all do that) but we do need to make something decent in a basic way so our child does not feel like a total outcast.

I am not planning on going into debt for this. That is precisely why I’m asking what it will cost us to make something basic so we can plan for the future as much as we can.

While I certainly understand you want to do something decent for your son it's beyond me why you would be treated like pariahs. It's your closest family for Heaven's sake, they should be the most forgiving and understanding of all.

amother

Lightblue

Mon, May 13 2024, 5:48 am

amother OP wrote:

Is it still possible these days to make a bar mitzvah under 10k? All in (clothing, kiddush, actual meal etc. besides for tefillin). This is in Lakewood area.

We still have 5 years to go but honestly we don’t own a house, live paycheck to paycheck and I am very nervous. We never went into debt before (always pay cc on time) and not planing to do so for this. We can feasibly save 10k but anything more is stressing me out.

In 5 years from now you might be able to easily afford a 20k bar mitzvah iyh .

amother

Copper

Mon, May 13 2024, 6:04 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

How exactly do you want her to change her family???

amother

Mint

Mon, May 13 2024, 6:04 am

5 years? I’m also making a bar mitzvah in 5 years because I have an 8 year old. I am not thinking about it at all. Right now we can’t remotely afford a bar mitzvah, right now we can’t afford tuition for next year! Hashem will help. It’s not hishtadlus to start worrying 5 years in advance.

amother

Offwhite

Mon, May 13 2024, 6:05 am

We spent way les then 10k!!!
I made 5 bar mitzvos.
No night event !
Only a huge family shabbos and a big kiddush. No caterer, I made it myself. Borrowed pretty tablecloths and centerpieces from gemach.
Some boys had bar mitzva in school,not all of them wanted.
One was in the winter so we had melave malka with music, family only and people that lived too far to walk to kiddush and 2 friends of bar mitzva boy.

amother

Broom

Mon, May 13 2024, 6:05 am

amother Poppy wrote:

I live out of town.
Bar mitzvah was well under 10k

The tefillin+tefillin bag are over $2k,
buying 2 hats, A suit, dress pants, Dress shoes, more white shirts... Is over $500

We made all 3 shabbos seudos in our home for 30, but friends helped make most of the food. Bought nice but not $1/plate paper goods. Got tablecloths from gemach. So seudos cost under $1000.

Sponsored a simple but tasteful kiddush in shul, only Stern's platters for the men and fancier dessert for the women... And cholent... Under $1K.

Bo bayom was just for bar mitzvah boy's friends, his rebbeim, and 30 relatives. $500 for DJ/singer, catering was also probably around $500, hall was school so free... So that event cost a little over $1K.

So I think total was under $7k.

But our event wasn't big or fancy, and our kiddush was standard and simple for local bar mitzvahs.

Are you sure your numbers are accurate? They seem very understated.
Hats and suits are $200 each if you don’t go high end, that’s $600 alone before touching the white shirts, new pants, loafers, new Shabbos shoes or tie and belt if you add that in.
Your bo bayom sounds like at least 50 people, $500 is $10 a person how is that possible.

amother

Poppy

Mon, May 13 2024, 8:49 am

amother Broom wrote:

Okay, you're right abt the clothes
I'll try to break down.
Lets estimate225*2 for hats=450
180 for a suit
45*3 for dress pants =135
Loafers $85
Ties 12*2 =24
Belt =20
White shirts I get at sales 20*6=120

Wow. Ok. That's $1k!!!!

I guess we bought it in drips and drabs and items on sale so it didn't seem like that much!

amother

Poppy

Mon, May 13 2024, 8:57 am

Bo bayom was abt 40 boys, and 35 others, which included about 12 ages 1-10.

Tablecloths I know was $10
Papergoods not much (I had in the house anyway for YT, bought lots of (clear) plastic in bulk, and I didn't count it toward the amount. Bought chinet plastic cuos, used small costco napkins...)
Milchig kid friendly food from restaurant was around $400.
Friends made some mini flower arrangements.
Two bags of postive lettuce, plus some tomatoes and veg thrown in for the one women's table.
Dessert was luigi Italian ice which is $0.50 each, so around $30
Some soda and water.

Hall was free.
No waiters.
Had boys help set up in the afternoon.

Busybee5

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:07 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

In 5 years from now you might be able to easily afford a 20k bar mitzvah iyh .

She might, and she might not. It would be sensible of op to start saving ,even a bit will add up. Be proactive! You know it's coming up. Do without something for 5 years if you can, or reduce things by half. Like vacations, eating out etc.

Busybee5

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:14 am

amother Mint wrote:

No you don't worry, you put something away on a weekly/monthly basis. So you're just going to wing it, and rely on tzedoko? Ours goes out of our account automatically, and goes into our savings account. And we just have to do without it! Is it easy? No, but it's something that we know is coming up that we'll need a lump sum of money for. We've paid 2 bar mitzvahs like this BH and we have another one coming up in a year. It's such a good peace of mind to know that we'll have a good start! We may not quite have all that we need but we'll iyH have most of it.

amother

Mint

Mon, May 13 2024, 1:18 pm

Busybee5 wrote:

Because of DD’s medical expenses I’m dipping into savings every month. Instead of putting money away I’m using the money we’ve already put away.

What choice do I have? She needs the treatment. I’m not going to let money get in the way of my daughter’s future.

If it means needing tzedakah, so be it. Some things are more important.

I would love to get tzedakah to cover the current medical bills but there’s no organizations for her condition.

Busybee5

Mon, May 13 2024, 1:42 pm

amother Mint wrote:

I'm so sorry that this is your situation, it sounds really hard. I'd be in your position if I'd live in the US. We get health care free, for the most part. I get that not everyone will be able to put even one dollar away but most can cut down and save up slowly over the years. Afterall we do get 13 years of warning for it.

amother

Diamond

Mon, May 13 2024, 2:21 pm

amother Floralwhite wrote:

120-160 ppl per meal? Wow

Yeah I'm one of nine and husband one of 11 bh. And having a couple cousins I'm close to. Plus some of my sons friends. Shabbos day having a few other families also.