DH ate the chocolate he bought me

amother

Scarlet

Tue, May 14 2024, 3:29 am

I find it odd that you asked for a gift
Isnt a gift something that the gift giver decides to give?
Asking for a gift of chocolate is like asking to stock the pantry with chocolate so its normal that he took a few

amother

Caramel

Tue, May 14 2024, 3:54 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

What flavors? If they were all the best ones I'd be upset. But pro-tip: hide your chocolates under the kale or celery in the veggie drawer. This has been my winningest life strategy so far. Neither DH nor the kids ever find them.

This is a bad tip. Don’t keep quality chocolates in the fridge.

singleagain

Tue, May 14 2024, 4:28 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

My father always said that a gift Is something that someone wants but wouldn't purchase for themselves.

OP wants expensive chocolate but would not get it for herself so she asked her husband to get it for her for an occasion

As a gift giver It would never occur to me to take part of someone's gift for myself.

OP I'm on your side 100%.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, May 14 2024, 4:38 am

singleagain wrote:

To me buying it herself and asking dh to buy it for her is one and the same
Its a request
A gift is given out of the giftgivers own will and desire

singleagain

Tue, May 14 2024, 4:41 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

To me buying it herself and asking dh to buy it for her is one and the same
Its a request
A gift is given out of the giftgivers own will and desire

Gifts are for the recipient though. Why would you buy something that if you don't know the recipient would enjoy it.

Like I said I am a gift giver. This is something I'm passionate about. I would never want to get someone something that they would not appreciate. So if I really don't know what to get someone, yeah I will ask them for ideas. This is why I can't stand some of the gift threads that give you absolutely no indication about the kinds of things the person will enjoy. Because age, marital status and gender are just not personality traits.

amother

Lily

Tue, May 14 2024, 4:58 am

Didn't read through the thread but cannot relate at all. In our world it's not fun to eat if the other person isn't eating too...so of course we'd both be eating the chocolates even if he bought them "for me". So I can see that this is a totally different way of looking at treats.

However, if I was pregnant and craving a cup of ice chips and my husband ate them, I'd probably unravel...

seeker

Tue, May 14 2024, 5:04 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

I bought dh a really nice box of Belgian chocolate for his birthday and probably had one or two pieces. In general, we regarded the box as his, but it wasn't a big deal. What does irk me is when I buy or make treats for Shabbos or a holiday and he just digs into them when he feels like snacking. I've learned to hide things if I want them to survive for the intended occasion. Growing up, my mother always planned ahead for yontiff and gathered treats in the dining room. We knew not to open them until the holiday. I guess I highlyassumed that other families worked that way, too. (although I'm pretty sure my mil would not like that either. Lol.)

I label things like this. Foil cover will say "SHNITZEL IS FOR YOM TOV" or "SORBET FOR DESSERT." Things like sour sticks I keep in my bedroom until Shabbos.

I've been pretty successful at teaching everyone that if there's something highly unusual in the house they should ask if it's for a special occasion or available to take. But the labeling helps more.

seeker

Tue, May 14 2024, 5:06 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

To me buying it herself and asking dh to buy it for her is one and the same
Its a request
A gift is given out of the giftgivers own will and desire

I wouldn't say "dh please buy me chocolate" and consider that a deeply emotional relationship move. But if dh says to me "I want to buy you a gift but I don't know what" and I say "there's this type of chocolate I would love" then yes it's a gift.

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, May 14 2024, 5:46 am

Yes, seeker, I think your suggestion might work with children, but dh is an adult and he does not agree with the method of putting things aside for special occasions. That wouldn't be an issue if he were making and procuring replacements. That's why I need to hide them! Seems like he and some of the other dhs mentioned above should have snack time together.

amother

Junglegreen

Tue, May 14 2024, 6:49 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

Lucky for you that you don't understand. My husband for whatever reason is not great about giving gifts. I received one gift from him in the first decade of marriage. No chocolate, no flowers unless I asked for them, no cards. Not even taking me out to dinner unless I plan it. He's just not one to buy stuff. If I want a gift, I have to request something specifically. Since gifts are meaningful to me, I learned to tell him what I want. It's not the same, but I've learned to accept this. We're both happy this way.

A box of special chocolates isn't exactly stocking the pantry. And as someone who never gets gifts unless I specifically ask, if I specifically asked for something and was hoping to finally get something special just for myself, and then someone takes it without asking, I would be annoyed. If I had a chance to enjoy it first, I probably would share. Probably. If I got gifts more regularly that I didn't have to ask for, I would probably be wayyy more inclined to share.

amother

Mustard

Tue, May 14 2024, 6:58 am

Pregnant is a whole other ball game.

I've done what your DH did when I was pregnant... Bought a Danish for DH and sat there staring at it while waiting for him to come home and by the time he came home.... He just laughed thankfully....

amother

Begonia

Tue, May 14 2024, 7:16 am

No I wouldn't be annoyed. He ate 2 out of 15. I'd be like Oh Yum, were they good? Which fillings did you get? It would make it something to schmooze about and share together.

If he ate half of it, that would be weird and I'd be annoyed. But a taste of it? Nah, wouldn't be bothered. But if I was pregnant, I'd probably cry.

Then again, after 20 years of marriage I have learned to be better to myself and find solutions to avoid getting stuck in negativity. If he ate it and I was annoyed, I'd just buy myself another box and not let it get to me. And I wouldn't defend the expense to him or to myself. I would just cheerfully say, Oh you ate that other box and I really wanted to enjoy the gift so I just bought another one. Thanks, they were delicious.

amother

Oleander

Tue, May 14 2024, 8:01 am

joonabug wrote:

I would be so happy to be able to share w dh, would be my absolute pleasure!! I think you should work on your sharing skills, def an important skill for any adult to have!

You don't see a difference between sharing voluntarily and having something taken from you without even the courtesy of being asked? OOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKK.