Need advise about ds

amother

Tue, May 21 2024, 4:55 pm

My son is 7.
Since he was born he has been crying and uncomfortable. He screamed for the first few years of his life. Nothing would calm him down. He has changed over time. Now he is a great kid out of the house. In school he is the best student in the class. He is popular and sweet out of the house.
At home he continues to be extremely difficult. He gets frustrated very easily and tantrums alot. He says nasty things to me all the time. Almost never listens and does what he wants. He is a very picky eater. At home he also acts impulsively and touches everyone in an annoying way.
I plan to get him evaluated. I'm sure he has sensory issues that are really bothering him. I'm just so confused how he can be so perfect at school and such a mess at home.
I'm looking for books and resources that can help me with his behaviors or any advice.
Thanks

mummiedearest

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:02 pm

Kids who are very sensitive often use all their energy behaving well in public. Home is a safe space, so they let all their frustrations out.

A few thoughts:
1) what does your child eat? The gut micro biome really does affect sensory issues and behavior. Try a clean whole food diet for a while and see if there’s a change.

2) consider taking him for massage therapy or to the chiropractor. Some kids need that kind of sensory input.

3) do yoga with him. Cosmic kids yoga on YouTube is a lot of fun. Yoga can be extremely relaxing, and you’ll get a workout too.

4) can you get him a punching bag? Invite him to have a pillow fight? Plan ways to let his aggression out. A trampoline might help too.

All this is not to say he gets to call you names. You might want to try number 3 or 4 when he’s getting worked up. Once he’s calmer, follow through with a consequence for calling you names. Hopefully he’ll learn to head to the better activity before getting that worked up.

amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 4:01 am

mummiedearest wrote:

Thank you for taking the time to write this all out. Food is definitely an issue. I am sure it is part of the issue. He craves sugar all the time. He will eat some fruit and veges but is very picky in general. Do you know of any good books on healthybeating for a child with behavioral problems?

I love cosmic kids yoga. We used to do it everyday during covid. I will try to go back to that.
He actually is not physically aggressive, more just annoying. I maybtake him to a chiropractor.

amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 4:04 am

bebrave wrote:

How do you react when he acts that way?

That's a good question. He is the most triggering for me from all of my kids and some them are difficult. I'm working on myself in therapy and trying to be as accepting and loving as I can but I definitely also lose it with him sometimes.

bebrave

Wed, May 22 2024, 4:06 am

amother OP wrote:

You got your answer there. You can help him by helping yourself first.

amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 4:16 am

bebrave wrote:

You got your answer there. You can help him by helping yourself first.

True, we always need to help ourselves. As his mother I need to help him in all areas. For example the first comment I got was helpful because now I can look into specific sensory and food things that may help my son. Blaming a mother does not help a child. My ds has issues that he was born with. I wrote he has been crying since he was born. B"h I am a great mother and I am a human with limitations so I am also working on myself.
Do you have any other suggestions for books or resources to help my son or help my relationship with my son.
Thank you

imasinger

Wed, May 22 2024, 5:56 am

A few thoughts.

It's in some ways a good sign that he's behaving beautifully outside the home. Perhaps it shows that he feels safe enough at home to let go of all that he's holding together the rest of the day. It also shows that he's capable of doing so, which means, with the right tweaks, things can be better at home as well.

Parenting classes geared towards parents of challenging children might be helpful. I especially like the Nurtured Heart Approach, you can read the book, too.

You can get an OT eval separately and often faster than grouping it together with a more general eval. Sounds like OT might help.

Is there time or interest in a sport or physical activity?

amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 6:06 am

imasinger wrote:

Thank you. This made me feel hopeful.
I will look into the Nurtured Heart Approach.
He is very athletic, he loves sports and biking. I'm also thinking of getting him music lessons.

mummiedearest

Wed, May 22 2024, 8:01 am

amother OP wrote:

I personally follow the diet in “Breaking the Vicious Cycle” by Elaine Gottschall, but I’m not sure it would help your son. I know there is a chapter on autism in it (I don’t know if this would be helpful to you) but I never read that chapter. It might help you to read it anyway as a springboard, the diet specifically targets the gut microbiome. It is a short book with recipes.
Your child will need some serious motivation to comply with any dietary changes. Be prepared to cook a lot from scratch. It’s not a simple fix, but if you can both commit to it, it might help significantly. I recommend the Cara app for tracking food and symptoms, it’s very helpful.

Re: aggressive, emotional aggression can be tamed with a physical outlet. If he can punch a punching bags while hurling insults at it, he may be more pleasant with you.

amother

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:07 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

Interesting
Thanks