Working Mom: How do you do it?!

amother

Stonewash

Wed, May 22 2024, 1:55 pm

Now that I don't have babies/toddlers, it's a bit easier. My husband helped me realize early on that I'm not super woman and I can't do everything.

My kids range from 7-21, but only kids ages 14 and down are home. I do not have any outside help.

My house is not neat, and I've come to be OK with it (can't say I love it, but it's what helps me "manage"). It gets straightened up for shabbos, and the kids help. My supper dishes are often left in the sink overnight and get washed the next day while supper is cooking. . Laundry is mostly done on motzei shabbos/Sunday and we make sure everyone has enough clothing and uniforms for a full week. BH my husband does the grocery shopping. We plan suppers for the week before he goes so he can buy what I need. Suppers are not fancy, whatever I can get on the table in an hour or under and we don't usually eat supper before 6/6:30 and often later. Now I only have to go into the office twice a week, so it's a little easier, but my son has chavrusas one day I have to go in, so we often have chicken nuggets or sandwiches those days, and leftovers my other office day

I only have one kid to drop off early morning for minyan (rest of my boys are away at yeshiva), but I have a carpool, so it's not everyday. My girls are in elementary school, but old enough and close enough to walk to school. (We don't have busing here).

My husband works from home, so my girls can come home to an adult in the house when I have to go into the office. They either play or start their homework. My older daughter will sometimes do homework with my younger daughter. The days I work from home, it's definitely easier. I'm allowed to start earlier and end earlier. Those days I am usually done work between 4 and 5, but I'm home with no commute. In office days, I get home between 5:30-5:45 and other than supper, I try to focus on my kids. They'll tell me about their day, we'll do quick errands or I'll help with homework. Bedtime is not early and my 7 year old is often not in bed until 8:30/9.

Shabbos gets cooked friday during my lunch break (I work from home fri and usually 6:30-3) and after work in the summer months.

I have sick leave that I can use for family, so appointments get done whenever and I use sick leave. If it a kid is sick my work from home days, they are just home. If it's not a work from home day, depending how "sick", they either stay home (depending on the kids' age--and my husband is around working--but they can't really disturb), or I take sick leave.

But it's what works. My kids are BH well adjusted, happy kids.

amother

Kiwi

Wed, May 22 2024, 2:30 pm

I don't actually think its doable. You need to either have one spouse not working or one person working part time or very flexible hours.
It's not humanly possible to do all the things we need to get done with large BH families and full time work (unless you have a lot of help).
BH we are both fairly flexible and I still find it hard to work full time, and my DH is very hands on.
A couple things that do help me is having enough clothing so Im not chasing my tail with laundry..it gets piled up and I choose not to care. enough sheets, enough uniforms etc. I do laundry once a week in the evening. 4 loads.
I do simple dinners and double everything
cleaning help weekly
crockpot and conveniences (frozen veggies etc.)
I started buying more of shabbos. Making dips and dessert saves $$ but at a big cost.

amother

Oak

Wed, May 22 2024, 3:02 pm

32 hours of work a week, plus an hour of commute a day.
I do not find it so difficult BH, at all, bli ayin hara. We are managing. I am pretty chilled about things that people might judge lol.

This is how I do it:

Cleaning: I have 3 hours of cleaning help every Thursday, and she does the heavy cleaning (mopping, vacuuming and bathrooms). Additionally, I clean every night after the young kids go to sleep (dishes, put things away, laundry), at around 7. I put on a timer for 45 minutes and tidy up. After the timer is up, I stop. My floors don't get mopped/vacuumed through out the week- just by the cleaning lady. Same with cleaning bathrooms.

Shabbos: I do all my Shabbos cooking on Thursday night. I stay up till 12, cooking and setting the Shabbos table/licht. I also do some laundry on Thursday, since I am up. I make a Thursday food delivery from Walmart+ and Gourmet Glatt.

Shopping: All my groceries are delivered: I do 1 or 2 Walmart+ orders and one Gourmet Glatt order a week. I always take off one day of work before YT (usually 3-4 weeks before) and go clothing shopping for myself and my kids.

Cooking: On Sunday- I prep some of the week's dinners and freeze (usually meatballs, bread schnitzel and tilapia). The ones I don't make on Sunday, I prep the night before. Regardless, all dinners I make are super easy (most from Dinner Done) and take maybe 20 minutes to prep. Example: Thursday- I make Marconi and Cheese or frozen pizza, make a salad/ stick frozen broccoli in the oven, and sweet potato fries. I never, ever make complicated dinners. I can give a weeks menu if any of you are interested.

Lunches: I am really spoiled and my kids get from school. If they don't like it, they can take one tradition soup a week or bring leftover dinner/macaroni. Even my toddlers babysitter, makes sandwiches for my son's group every day.

Laundry: This is a bit of a struggle for me. I try to do one load that I put in when I start my 45 min of cleaning, every night. I don't fold underwear, socks, undershirts, PJS. Each kid has bins for each of those items, in their drawers, so I just dump the underwear- in the underwear bin, and so forth. I try to get my kids to help with putting away their clothing and hanging up.

Homework: I have a high school girl come every evening (she lives on my block), I pay her $18, and she spends an hour doing homework with my kids. She comes Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday- for one hour. My kids don't get homework on Thursdays. My husband also helps with homework.

Babysitting drop offs: My husband does the babysitting drop offs. The other kids have a bus.

Dr Appointments: We try to do Sundays, and usually we could. If not (or of a kid is sick), my husband generally does it.

Let me know if I missed anything.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, May 22 2024, 3:11 pm

I work 50+ hours per week, mostly remotely, some in-person. I travel a handful of times per year, anywhere from 2 days to a week.

DH has his own business and usually works 8:45 to 3:45. He is the more hands-on parent. He does almost all of the cooking which he does very simply and efficiently. He does most of the cleaning. DH also handles all in-person sports-related activities, such as attending games and helping out the coaches, or bringing kids to swim lessons.

I do a lot of administrative stuff, like enrolling in things and paying for them. I usually handle the kids' clothing and grooming. Usually I am the one who coordinates with the kids' friends' parents and buys and wraps birthday presents. I do most of the work when we host motzi Shabbos sleepovers, such as late night snacks and morning pancakes.

DH's parents are usually available to help out during school breaks and other times. If they're not, we use babysitters or kids can hang out while I work from home or they go with DH to his office if it's a real pinch. Until age 3, we use full-time year-round daycare, so we are usually covered for any babies or toddlers.

We both learn with our kids and we both have our own learning projects and groups/classes. There is one weekly class we do together with a remote instructor on Zoom. Otherwise, we have different interests, though we often read the same books.

DH works out 6 days a week, very consistently. I am not as good about that, but working on it and have improved a bit.

amother

Ballota

Wed, May 22 2024, 4:10 pm

We all struggle. We're exhausted and often cranky. We're chronically sleep-deprived. We're assailed by guilt--guilt over leaving our kids, and guilt at work where we are accused, by ourselves or by others, of failing to give our all to the job because half our brain is occupied with what's going on at home. Guilt over occasionally or often relying on prepared foods rather than making every meal from scratch with farm-fresh ingredients. Guilt over not attending every preschool party and event, guilt over being unable to volunteer to chaperone the fifth-grade trip to the museum, guilt over serving challah from the bakery instead of making our own. Even guilt over not finding or making the time to indulge in the bubble baths and manicures that the magazines all claim are essential to our mental health.

We become fanatical, even irrational, multitaskers. We find the swiftest way to accomplish whatever needs to be accomplished. We learn to simplify as much as possible, to heck with what the ladies' magazines say one "must have" or "must do." Those are for ladies of leisure, not for us. We learn what's essential and what's not, and when "good enough" is in fact good enough. We remind ourselves that the situation we're in is temporary, as most children eventually grow up and become independent.

We hang on by the skin of our teeth and our bloodied fingernails. We hang on because the alternative is unthinkable.

amother

Dustypink

Wed, May 22 2024, 5:10 pm

[quote="Librarian"]

amother Ballota wrote:

We become fanatical, even irrational, multitaskers. We find the swiftest way to accomplish whatever needs to be accomplished. We learn to simplify as much as possible, to heck with what the ladies' magazines say one "must have" or "must do." Those are for ladies of leisure, not for us. We learn what's essential and what's not, and when "good enough" is in fact good enough.

Yes yes yes!! I am the queen of Good Enough!! But I never feel guilty. I feel proud.

Same. No Guilt. Plenty of satisfaction being good enough.

amother

Azalea

Wed, May 22 2024, 6:02 pm

amother Pink wrote:

I used to scorn the people that had full time help. Then the expenses started piling up and I needed more income. Now I work 7am-3pm and also tutor 7pm-10pm.

There is NO WAY this would be feasible without help. I tutor two extra hours a week to afford a cleaning lady for 2 hours/day. She does laundry, linen, supper prep, whatever..but I'm a normal mensch and the house functions way better than before I started tutoring.

If you can, get daily help--even if it's only for an hour or two. Spread it out over every weekday rather than a lump of hours twice a week.

I wish I could spread out the help more I cannot find someone who will come to me for an hour or 2 the beat I could do is split a day with a neighbor for 4 hrs 2xweek (this is new and took a lot to find hopefully she sticks) and cant afford more than that I wish I could split up the 8 hours much different but where I live thats impossible to find

amother

Glitter

Wed, May 22 2024, 6:41 pm

People who worked in sweatshops worked 6 days a week, probably 10 hour days, with minimal breaktime, often doing hard manual labor and in poor conditions (hot/cold/poor ventilation). No days off other then maybe a couple of holiday days throughout the year, if you took too many sick days you might not have your job when you returned. Taking off for shabbos was also cause for being fired. (why do you think unions took off? it was because the sweatshops were so unbearable for the workers)

Yes, it's hard working nowadays but let's have some perspective and realize we have it much better than those workers of the early 20th century.