Would you allow your mother in law in your room

amother

NeonPink

Fri, May 24 2024, 2:55 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

My mother helped set up my apartment.
Of course when my mom in law came to see the apartment, I showed her our room. I think it's the decent thing to do. No need to linger there. A quick look & out.
Especially if MIL helped pay for furniture & housewares. She should be able to have a look at the furniture she paid for.

If she bought the furniture, she knows what it looks like. Every time you gove a gift, that gives you the right to go int their house and take a peek at it? That's nuts.

amother

Lavender

Fri, May 24 2024, 3:00 pm

amother NeonPink wrote:

If she bought the furniture, she knows what it looks like. Every time you gove a gift, that gives you the right to go int their house and take a peek at it? That's nuts.

Not necessarily. In laws generally give money towards the furniture, they don't get to see it before its bought.
MIL didn't give someone a gift. She helped pay to set up her son's apartment & the decent thing to do is allow her a peek.

shachachti

Fri, May 24 2024, 3:16 pm

Does your husband want to show it?

A boy that has a decent relationship with his mother would want to show it to her.

I tell my daughters it's basic menchlichkeit to invite.
Hide the pictures and whatever you don't want her to see.

amother

NeonPurple

Fri, May 24 2024, 3:18 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Sounds like you didn’t mind that much. I was just making the point that DHs mother and your mother are not exactly the same and we should stop pretending they are. Sounds like you’re close with your mother; I’m sure there are other things you share with her that you wouldn’t want to with your MIL.

amother

Lavender

Fri, May 24 2024, 3:59 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

I'm actually closer to my mom in law than my mom. It doesn't have to do with how close you are. It's just the mentchlich thing to do. It's your husband's apartment & your husband's bedroom, the same way that it's your bedroom. There's no difference between your mom seeing your room & his mom seeing his room.

amother

Cadetblue

Fri, May 24 2024, 4:04 pm

shachachti wrote:

A boy that has a decent relationship with his mother would want to show it to her.

What do you base this assumption on?

amother

Cadetblue

Fri, May 24 2024, 4:05 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

But there is a difference when op isn't so comfortable with it and her husband doesn't care either way

amother

Cinnamon

Sat, May 25 2024, 11:09 am

genuine question I actually dont get why showing your mil your bedroom is such a big deal like realllly who cares. I almost feel like its weird when people get so weird about it. can someone explain?

amother

Melon

Sat, May 25 2024, 11:15 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm married almost a year, and my mother in law is in town and she's never seen my apt.
I think she is kind of waiting for an invitation...and I'm curios if I do invite her in, do I need to show her my bedroom ( and put away all the things and pictures I don't want her to see)
Not sure this matters, but she is not a mother in law type and we will never be "best friends" or how ever you say it, which is why I never actually "invited her" to come, but now she is literally in the neighborhood...

No. I've never seen hers and she's never seen mine. It's not an expectation between us to show each other our rooms. Bh we respect each other's privacy.

amother

Purple

Sat, May 25 2024, 11:19 am

You can show her around, walking into and out of each room but when you get to your room you can say this is our room, but don't go in and quickly rush the tour along to the next room.

LovesHashem

Sat, May 25 2024, 11:37 am

This is so strange to me. I've had lots of people in my bedroom, friends and family visit me after birth or when I've been sick, after surgery etc.

When I have a nursing mother over at a shabbos meal she will nurse in my room. My kids come into my room, I never really close the door specifically unless I'm going in to sleep or nap or get quiet alone space. It's two beds and a closet and nightstand.

Anything personal is put away as I wouldn't want my kids to get to it.

amother

Sunflower

Sat, May 25 2024, 12:37 pm

OP,
Your bedroom is holy between DH and you.
Super strange and inappropriate to me when others are invited into this holy, private space.

amother

Ecru

Sat, May 25 2024, 1:21 pm

I had no problem having my mother-in-law come in my bedroom. And I have no problem with my kids either as long as they ask first. Most of my kids are already grown, but I have no problem as long as they ask permission. If I was seeing someone’s house, I wholesome. My daughter just got married. I’m pretty sure she showed her mother-in-law her and didn’t think twice about it.

amother

Milk

Sat, May 25 2024, 2:03 pm

This thread reminded me of how my older sister asked to see our apt. during sheva brachos because she was leaving to her home out of town the next day. We were pretending that I was a niddah but I wasn't yet, so the beds were together. As she pulled up in front of the house, DH frantically pulled the beds apart, stuck a folding chair in between them and stuck a desk lamp on the chair.
When she got to the bedroom, she glanced inside and said, that's an original night table!

amother

Amaranthus

Sat, May 25 2024, 3:15 pm

My door to my room was open and my mother in law and sister in law passed by and she was commenting to my sister in law about the beds if they are separated or not.. (they are not religious but they have a lot of knowledge) I was very upset since I felt that my privacy has been violated. I told my husband but it didn't bother him. So Yes please make sure to keep your door shut to your room..

amother

Cinnamon

Sat, May 25 2024, 3:17 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

yes so I guess that makes sense then! my mil would never say a comment like that. bizzare.

internationalma

Sat, May 25 2024, 3:46 pm

Never understood this secrecy makom kadosh non sense. To begin Rabbanim and their wife always made their “makom kadosh “ available for ANYONE who needed it. Second, basic decency towards a mil is to make her feel welcome and feel accepted. To show her your bedroom as part of house tour is completely normal ,not to is really weird.
This seems to be excuses for bad middos.
Think!
Will I let a good friend see it? Go inside?
Will I rent out my place if I go away?
What I am trying to do?

amother

Blush

Sat, May 25 2024, 5:55 pm

I think it's mentschlichkeit to show your room to your parents on the first house tour. After that, not necessary.