Would you allow your mother in law in your room

imaima

Sun, May 26 2024, 1:36 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm married almost a year, and my mother in law is in town and she's never seen my apt.
I think she is kind of waiting for an invitation...and I'm curios if I do invite her in, do I need to show her my bedroom ( and put away all the things and pictures I don't want her to see)
Not sure this matters, but she is not a mother in law type and we will never be "best friends" or how ever you say it, which is why I never actually "invited her" to come, but now she is literally in the neighborhood...

Am I the only one who is appalled that OP is waiting and wondering!! Whether or not to invite her MIL.
Of course you do invite her to your house! And why on earth would you assume that she would want to see your bedroom? You don’t need to show it, say „it’s messy“ and move on, but why assume the worst about the MIL?
„She doesn’t see cues“ well you also seem socially off my dear…

imaima

Sun, May 26 2024, 1:44 am

amother OP wrote:

She left, And no, she did not see my room. The door was closed, but I did show her the room across that became the workout room.
I was trying to gauge how she was feeling but couldn't figure her out and just thought forget it, she doesn't need to see it. ( I did put my stuff away just in case.)
She did have coffee and cookies and we shmoozed, and I think she did leave happy.

You think everyone wants a glimpse of your sx life? No they don’t. It’s all in your head.

qwerty4

Sun, May 26 2024, 2:16 am

Isn't it just common decency to give your parents a one time tour of your apartment in its entirety? I don't mean opening drawers or closets, but I understand why they would want to see my apartment space and furnishings.

amother

Honeysuckle

Sun, May 26 2024, 2:53 am

imaima wrote:

You think everyone wants a glimpse of your sx life? No they don’t. It’s all in your head.

Oh please, zex is not the only thing that happens in a bedroom. I know that it certainly isn't the first thing that jumps into my mind if I happen to see someone's bedroom. I get that some people are uncomfortable with it, but if the beds are made and the room is neat and tidy and no private paraphernalia is visible, it really is not a big deal. But then again, I don't really understand why a lot of the things bother people on this site.

amother

Mimosa

Sun, May 26 2024, 2:59 am

It really depends on your comfort levels. If you felt uncomfortable showing her your room, then that’s totally ok.
I felt comfortable giving my mil my bed to sleep in when she came to visit us oot, their apt was not ready yet and they were too tired from their flight, so mil took a nap in my bed and fil on my dh. I was honored to host them, but only because I felt comfortable doing it.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, May 26 2024, 3:04 am

Loads of people have seen my bedroom.
My most embarrassing point is if thr beds aren't made or my underwear is on the floor embarrassed

Nursing friends needing privacy, kids play hide and seek, showing off our new en suite bathroom when we first put it in, sorting clothes out for tzedakah drives, people visiting if one of us is sick and bedridden.

It might be where we sleep and other bed related activities but also it is part of our home and is multifunctional and apart from any mess, fine to play and hide.

We often co-sleep so don't have strong privacy family rules, I think a lot of this is cultural. If you don't let your kids into the bedroom and they have to knock even at night then I guess you really feel it is only a place for you and dh. Our en suite bathroom is the place for unwell kids at night so not a big deal (we prefer it that way!)

amother

Garnet

Sun, May 26 2024, 9:20 am

internationalma wrote:

Never understood this secrecy makom kadosh non sense. To begin Rabbanim and their wife always made their “makom kadosh “ available for ANYONE who needed it. Second, basic decency towards a mil is to make her feel welcome and feel accepted. To show her your bedroom as part of house tour is completely normal ,not to is really weird.
This seems to be excuses for bad middos.
Think!
Will I let a good friend see it? Go inside?
Will I rent out my place if I go away?
What I am trying to do?

Many people lock the master bedroom while renting the rest of the apartment. Those who don't want mil to see their bedroom probably don't want friends to see it either.

Ruchel

Sun, May 26 2024, 12:51 pm

I would if she's not the type to judge
TBH I don't show my friends either
I grew up barely seeing my grandparents'! But if my MIL had a relax personality I would

amother

Sun, May 26 2024, 2:34 pm

imaima wrote:

As I mentioned before, my husband doesn't have the best relationship with his mother and it's better that way. we were hesitant to invite her. We did, and it was fine. But we had to decide if we wanted to.