S/O In Laws Room | Imamother

amother

Trillium

Sun, May 26 2024, 5:21 pm

hodeez wrote:

She has brought me in there a few times asking my opinion of what she should wear or to see her new wardrobe. Nbd

Same.
She's asked me to zip her up when she couldn't. No problem. And we're not "best friends" at all.

As a child and single girl, we always went into my parents room. They had the TV and the big mirror so we went in whenever we wanted. We never opened their drawers because, why would we? I never, ever saw anything inappropriate in my parents room.

I think making the parents' room off-limits to the children is insane. Insane. You would deny your own children access to you?

I get locking it at night. That makes sense. But never going in, ever? That's crazy.

amother

Silver

Sun, May 26 2024, 9:07 pm

I've never been in my mil bedroom, married 10+ years. idk if she doesnt "let" I just never thought to go in and didnt ask and she didnt offer. never even thought about it.
since I'm married my parent's room is off limits too.
it's a non-issue. I don't have any interest and I don't show my room either.

Chayalle

Sun, May 26 2024, 9:12 pm

amother Trillium wrote:

I agree. My kids came into my bedroom to cuddle when they were little, to shmooze when they were older. I sometimes read at night before bed, and my teen comes and curls up and reads next to me, and goes to her own bed when she's ready to go to sleep. It's cozy time together.

I went into my parents' bedroom as a child, and never saw anything inappropriate. Growing up, if you were sick you slept in Ta's bed (during the day). He used to come check if any "patients" were in his bed, when he'd come home from work. I can still feel his cool hand on my hot forehead (which was followed by tylenol and a drink of water...)

I've never really understood excluding your kids from your bedroom.

But in-laws are a different story.

amother

Vanilla

Sun, May 26 2024, 9:12 pm

amother Trillium wrote:

Why is it insane for parents to have their own private space? And how does that equal deny accessing to me? We hang out in their room or in the living room. I am available to them...but my bedroom isn't.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, May 26 2024, 11:08 pm

amother Camellia wrote:

My mother in in law is divorced, and she offers to move out of her room so she can host 2 couples at a time, and she sleeps on a pull out couch in a "closed makeshift living room"
My siblings in laws definitely take her up on her offer and have stayed there many times. I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER stay there. I would rather not go, or stay by a neighbor. My husband is in complete agreement.

Can I ask why you're so against it, if this seems to be what she wants?

Obviously I would never think of asking my parents to move out their bedroom and would also feel uncomfortable with it. But, if she is setting up this arrangement in order to be able to enjoy her children and grandchildren's company over Yom Tov, not sure why you're depriving her of the opportunity.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, May 26 2024, 11:28 pm

Why are bedrooms so taboo and private. My parents and in laws both are very open with their rooms. I’ve gone to nurse in my in laws room my sisters in law have nursed in my parents room. I go in to see something my mil is showing me. I go in to get my child who loves jumping on their bed Can't Believe It

. Never been a problem.
My room is also pretty open I’m not hiding anything seriously. I wouldn’t want someone sleeping on my bed because that’s gross but to step foot inside what’s the big deal??

HonesttoGod

Sun, May 26 2024, 11:45 pm

It’s not like I freely wander in and out whenever I please but I have been in when she wanted to show me something or she asked me to get something for her from there.

Same for my husband with my parents. He’ll go in if needed but it’s not like a free for all.

amother

Mon, May 27 2024, 2:22 am

amother Trillium wrote:

Agree with the bolded. It's so far from my reality to imagine it though...

amother

Brunette

Mon, May 27 2024, 2:30 am

tichellady wrote:

I don’t have this very private room culture in my family

This.
I find it so strange.

My MIL has a 4 person jacuzzi in her master bath and the little kids go swimming in it Motzi Shabbos during the winter.
I would never walk in without being told to, but she has shown me her new linen, had me help her pick an outfit, and zipper a dress.

I think you are all so standoffish. She also helped me nurse my first who was having trouble latching (my mom bottle fed). Why would I hire a stranger instead of having someone who genuinely loves me and has my best interest at heart.

flowerpower

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:29 am

Parents bedroom in my life is a private room. My kids are in it when I am ( the have special antennas when I want some peace at night and thats when they come in) But strangers- just no! That is not a room to hang out in. It’s more of a private intimate place.

amother

Seablue

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:41 am

my mil is chilled about her room but I will never go in without asking permission each time.. I just think its not a place to casually enter.

even when my kids sleep in her room (when its a full house they takes some grandkids in with them)
I will alwasy double check before going in or ask my husband to go.

my parents room was never off limits - unless the door was closed then you had to knock.
also we would never open drawers or closets.. its just not appropriate

kenz

Mon, May 27 2024, 12:51 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

I agree, I think it makes it weird and uncomfortable to create this realm of secrecy and privacy around your bedroom to your own kids. To others, fine, but why do you want your children thinking of your room like that? I want my lids to think of my room as the place I sleep and get dressed and not things they shouldn’t be thinking about!
To each her own, of course…

amother

Foxglove

Mon, May 27 2024, 2:24 pm

I also disagree with the "bedroom is Holy of Holies" shtick. Our room is a private place just as anyone's bedroom is a private place once they're past a certain age. That doesn't mean it's a place of sacred mystery and off limits on pain of death. It means you don't have the run of the place--you knock on the door and ask permission to enter. If you don't get permission, you don't go in. Exactly like a shared bathroom. Exactly like the closets in a house you're visiting. It's a matter of politeness. No need to make it a whole woo-woo thing or trumpet I WOULD NEVER LET MY MIL STEP OVER THE THRESHOLD OF MY ROOM. Because what? She'll see two beds --or one big one--and BOINGGG! will suddenly realize you sleep with her son? Honey, she already knows.

What do you have in there already? Is it a replica of a 19th-Century bordello? Are the manacles and chains affixed to the wall so you can't hide them? Do you leave the s@x toys lying around unwashed and the manuals open to the pages with illustrations?

When my inlaws came to visit when we lived in a one-bedroom, they got our room and we slept in the living room. I'm going to make an older couple sleep on the couch? I don't think so!