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-> Parenting our children
Yakira
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 9:04 pm
My one year old daughter CLEARLY prefers Daddy over me. Most of the time I think it's cute when she tries to leave my arms for his or crawls to him when we are both sitting near each other. I'm glad they have a great relationship, it shows that he really takes great care of her and is an involved Daddy and I couldn't ask for a better one for my daughter. I think it's kind of an ego-boost for him which must feel good. So I call myself chopped liver, make a joke about all I do is take care of her all day or something, and we all laugh and move on.
But to be honest....every now and again...I get a little nagging feeling in me, wondering if there is any real reason that she likes Daddy better or likes me less. He's for sure more fun, throwing her in the air and stuff. But maybe he's more patient with her or 'gets her better'. Or maybe she senses some deep-seeded insecurity that I have that I'm not really the most awesome mother out there. And at times, if I slaved over her for hours and she seems so eager to go to Daddy, it does make me feel a little....I don't know, unappreciated? I don't ask for thanks or reciprocation (well, obviously I can't). But the least she could do is prefer me if I am the one who spends most of the time with her!!
I know this sounds nuts and really most of the time it doesn't bother me, as I mentioned in the first paragraph. But if I'm tired and hormonal and illogical as it is, I do have to admit, it might just send a little twinge to my heart when she leaves me to go to her father for the upteenth time that week.
Anyone else can relate?
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Classicookie
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 9:14 pm
mine is like that too sometimes and I happen to love it I am with her all day and she loves when her daddy is home and when she wants him over me its yay down time for mommy hey half the time I give her a bath she screems but love when daddy gives her a bath so I can lay down and relax while he is washing her also I babysit so while the kids talk about mommy comming or get upset and want their momy she comes to tell me she wants daddy she just misses him more bec she does not see him as much as me
and the best is when she say I made a pu want daddy change me hey no arguing there
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Mommy3.5
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 9:19 pm
The parent who is with the child less is always the one they run too! This usually translates to Daddy is the coolest!
Its not that you are doing anything wrong, its just the way things are. My kids are the same way.
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mummiedearest
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 9:19 pm
oh, yeah. my 14 month old is a papa's girl. the past three days I have the PAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPA shriek going when he leaves for work. or goes to the bathroom. or is in the kitchen eating without her. how dare he leave.
it bothers me because it's LOUD. there are times she wants me instead of him. like in the morning when I'm trying to catch those last precious winks of sleep. sigh.
I'm honestly really happy she's so attached to him. he works really late and is only home for her bedtime on shabbos and sunday. she sees him in the morning for a short while. I'm so glad she has that connection with him. over x-mas and new year's weekends he was home and put her to bed every night. when he went back to work she was fine the whole day until bedtime. she screamed for papa for forty five minutes two nights in a row. mommy wasn't good enough for her. I felt bad for her, but it didn't bother me that she wanted my husband. I don't think it's a reaction to me not being a good mommy, it's just that she makes the most out of whatever papa time she has.
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anon
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 9:26 pm
Yakira, I could have written your post WORD FOR WORD. Just read your entire post over again, and you'll be reading what I think and feel. I feel better knowing that I'm not alone, so I'm probably not a horrible mother.
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RichWithNachas
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 10:02 pm
It's because your husband is away all day and therefore it's a treat to have him when he comes home. I'm sure DAD has great qualities which makes your child adore him, but I can assure you that if the roles were reversed and DH was the SAHM , then the picture would also be reversed.
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Mama Bear
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 10:05 pm
She doesnt see him as often, that's all.
My son and my husband are absolutely in love with each other. I'm more the parent that he steps on, throws books at (I've got a nice scratch on my forehad from the latest book). Then there are times that he'll insist that Mommy put him to bed, not Totty, and I actually feel bad for dh; I see him hiding a crestfallen expression. Yakira, IYH when youll have 2, and Daddy will have to help out a lot with your older one and you'll be so busy with the 2nd one - like it is in my house - you'll have the baby that loves you more, IYH .
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chaylizi
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 11:10 pm
All 3 of mine comprise mommy's fan club. My dh does feel bad, really bad. There's not much I can do about it either.
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Lilkingdom
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Wed, Jan 14 2009, 11:54 pm
DD is our only child so far so she gets so much attention from dh and me and likes us both equally. She is so attached to me and yet runs to dh very excitedly every time she sees him. I feel so good when I see her play with him and they have fun. Many men aren't too good with the children. Dh is one of the most amazing fathers
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mimivan
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Thu, Jan 15 2009, 1:54 am
Yakira
Yes, this is normal...and don't worry about this feeling...
I have this too.. in spades. My dh is not around so much so when Abba comes in, the kids jump on him...I used to resent this a bit, but now I am so thankful for a break, I run into my room so I can get some private time with the baby or a nap!
Then when they start to act up, I'm back "on duty"...I am touched they love their Abba so much! and they beg him to play this with him or play that with him so I don't have to say "Dh could you help me with the kids"
No more resentment here!
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Aidelmom
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Thu, Jan 15 2009, 2:57 am
kikavu wrote: | All 3 of mine comprise mommy's fan club. My dh does feel bad, really bad. There's not much I can do about it either. |
I feel really bad for my husband because Aidel only wants me and screams if he takes her from me. I can tell it bothers him. I'm hoping things will get more equalized with time.
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fountain
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Thu, Jan 15 2009, 1:29 pm
I could've written that post too, word for word. Now I see it's normal. Thanks ladies.
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Yakira
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Thu, Jan 15 2009, 4:08 pm
Good to know I'm normal, thanks all. Today she didn't want to leave the baby-sitter for me!! Maybe I smell . But usually she's happy to see me and crawls to me so I:m going to say she was just tired.
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pecan
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Thu, Jan 15 2009, 5:48 pm
Usually kids go through stages; for a few months they like me best, then for a few months they like my dh best. It doesn't bother me, because first of all it makes life easier for me if they want him to change their diaper or give a bath. And second of all, I know it's temporary.
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earthmama
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Fri, Jan 16 2009, 4:54 am
Same here.All of my kids toally prefer DH.Always did.Usually I like it because it's like Oh sorry DH Ds only wants you to tuck him in /wipe /change gross Shabbos diaper...too bad I'd do it happily but what can I do he insists on Abba... but last week my daughter burst into tears when she forgot to wait for abba and said Shema with me...I was a bit insulted I admit.
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chavs
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Fri, Jan 16 2009, 7:22 am
Yep, I can relate!
Yesterday for example ds woke up from a bad dream at night, I went in to him to comfort him and he send me away, saying No, I want tatty!"This is besides the fact that I spend the whole day with him and we had a nice time, I also did bedtime with him reading stories and singing. Other times he has said or yelled "No I, no want mummy I want tatty only" when he has woken up or hurt himself, even though I spend all day with him doing nice fun things.
Its very annoying sometimes and I feel a bit pathetic admitting this but I do get a bit jealous sometimes, so I know how you feel.
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