If someone showed you...

shosh

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 6:13 am

I think it really depends on the relationship I have with the person. If she was someone I had a close, open relationship with, I might say, "Nice outfit in terms of colour, etc, but not exactly tzniusdik." If it was someone who wanted my advice on whether it was acceptable, then I'd probably say something similar. And if it was someone who couldn't give a flying toss about my opinion anyway and would wear it no matter what I thought, then I'd probably give a brief nod so as not to be rude.

(I can't lie about these things anyway. I'm a rotten liar. Whenever I try to lie, for some reason everyone always sees through it. So I wouldn't bother!)

frumluv

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 6:35 am

I would gush, but nicely add that it looks a lil short or low cut. Then again it depends on who it is. If the person is not tznua normally, then I would just gush.

greenfire

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 8:52 am

lubaussie wrote:

First I would say a compliment like 'the colour is beautiful.' Then, in an admiring voice so it sounds like a compliment I would say "Wow, It's really revealing!" so at least she knows I think it's not tznius. I might then say "but you've got a good body so..."

you're assuming this "so called" person is gonna have a nice body - what if she is rotund ... how do you go about it then Nervous

gryp

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 9:59 am

If people ask my opinion directly, I'm pretty blunt. I've asked, "Want to borrow some of of my skirt?" Twisted Evil

Of course I'd only say that to someone who I know knows better.

I don't see what this has to do with talking LH about someone else who is already wearing the outfit.

Mrs. XYZ

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 10:12 am

Quote:

I don't see what this has to do with talking LH about someone else who is already wearing the outfit

At first I also thought she was refering to that thread, but then I realized that it was connected to the other thread about making a bris on a [gentile], I think.

zaq

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 1:17 pm

ShakleeMom wrote:

I would come up with something creative to compliment, such as “I love the way the buttonholes are sewn in a contrasting color”. B’h I’m good at that spur of the moment shocked-but-don’t show it thing.

That's my MO for anything. Why limit it to tznius? Maybe their house is the most garishly ugly thing for miles around. maybe the cake they baked tastes like the bottom of my shoe. maybe their kid's singing is about as melodious as a jackhammer at 5 in the morning. You can always find something positive or at least ambiguous to say: "Very enterprising of you to decorate your house yourself instead of being snookered by a decorator who will do what he wants rather than what you want." "This cake must have taken you ages to make." "It's wonderful to have a child who's enthusuastic about music." Just be careful that your tone of voice doesn't give you away!

zaq

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 1:25 pm

Lechatchila Ariber wrote:

so none of you would gush and gush how gorgeous it was?

No. Most people are not totally stupid. Ever hear of "methinks the lady doth protest too much"?
Besides, if you do manage to convince her that you love it, she could end up buying a duplicate as a gift for YOU.

In any case, I'm not the gushy type. I'm more likely to say, slowly and deliberately, "this is quite possibly the most gorgeous dress I've ever seen" but only if it's true.

I'm assuming this woman already bought the dress and can't return it. If we're shopping together, I'd tell her "it's a little skimpy" or ":too see-through" or whatever.

zaq

Fri, Jan 16 2009, 1:31 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

I doubt she would trust me if I lied.

That's what it's all about. It is permissible to lie in certain cases to avoid insulting a person, but it's better to avoid telling an outright bouncer. If you hate it, don't say you love it, just find some positive aspect to remark upon. A reputation for insincerity is really hard to shed.

If the dress is really an affront to anyone with a shred of decency, your gushing about how gorgeous it is has just put the stamp of approval on it. The next person she meets may tell her point-blank "that dress is suitable only for a streetwalker" and she will shoot back "oh yeah? I'll have you know my very religious friend Mrs. A just told me she LOVES it. so there!"