Bombshell...............!

amother

Wed, Jan 21 2009, 10:02 pm

My husband lost his job, hes tried getting another job but due to the situation nowadays there are no jobs available. He was offered a job all the way across the ocean, So he wants to Move! Not to the next city or state but to another continent!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have debts to pay off and a family to think of b"h. I am terrified of starting anew, I feel I have to do it for him, hes being really nice about it he isnt forcing me he is really being considerate yet im so scared starting in a new place new freinds and neighbours..... also my mother is really close to my kids and I cant help but feel so sorry for her, this is really eating me.
thanks for listening.

alpidarkomama

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 2:20 am

Could you try it for say, a year, and see how it goes? Can your mom come out for 2-4 weeks during that time? Can you come and visit for a similar period?? Meanwhile, your husband could keep looking for work in the US. Which continent? I think Europe would make me awfully uncomfortable, but Australia? I'd definitely try that out for a year just for the adventure. Smile

hila

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 4:21 am

And remember you wont be alone. I bet there are even imamothes whereever you are going ( OK Maybe not in China)
And we are a community.

If you are coming to Israel - pm me and we can arrange an imamother welcome !

I am sure the Europeans would chip in too.

And in todays world of Skype, internet, flights and phones, you will still be accessible to the family

Behatslacha - sometimes HAshem closes one door and opens another

Amital

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 7:45 am

Hey OP amother-

I've done this. In fact, I'm living in the middle of nowhere right now because that's where my dh's job put us for a temporary assignment. But it is only temporary for us, and this summer iyh we'll be moving back to the US. It's tough, and I sometimes feel like a homesteader since I have to make everything myself or bring it in in a suitcase. And bake everything. I am the only diner for every meal around here, and it gets tiring sometimes. I miss having a community and I miss mundane things like grocery stores with a variety of foods, an actual mikvah instead of my "friendly" rushing mountain river, and people speaking in English. But if you decide to go for it, you'll cope. Making it a possible temporary situation, subject to it being too difficult or uncomfortable, helps, if it's an option!

There are benefits to being overseas, although they vary on where you are and why you are there. I have very cheap help, which has been a blessing for many reasons. There are plenty of big Jewish communities overseas. There are lots of overseas imamothers, too. (And, hey, Hila, I'm in Asia for the next few months!) And there are even Jews in China! Your family will be together, and although you will miss your friends and community, we can stay in touch in many amazing ways with internet.

So consider your options carefully, daven, and make the best decision for you. Just know if you go overseas, it is not the end of the world!

bubby

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 8:30 am

Wherever you go, you can find Frum people...Chabad. So you won't be entirely alone.

We did the same thing as a temporary move (for 1 year) 25 years ago. We're still here (of course, we're off again IY"H) & I didn't know a soul. At least DH got to go out & meet people @ work. But that soon settles down.

I moved 3000 miles from my parents, but you have to go where the work is. If you stay where you are your debts will mount & you will be worse off. Your DH is trying to support his family. He's trying to be a responsible person. So don't be so afraid, look into different living options, do some research. And remember, the world is shrinking! Planes, the Internet, webcams, cheap long distance phone service...you don't have to be cut off anymore!

I think once you get over the (very understandable) shock you'll be quite excited! It's an adventure! Do you need to learn a new language?

Amital

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 9:04 am

I have two and one on the way, but my oldest is 4. He's a major reason I said this was done--he'll be starting "real" school soon, and needs peers. We have a playgroup at our house for 7 kids every morning, kind of like a real preschool, but we are quite literally the only Jews around.

It's almost always true that there are Chabads everywhere. Unfortunately, not everywhere. Including here. Smile

yo'ma

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 9:11 am

I asked about the ages of your children because I did it when my oldest was 8 and going into 3rd grade. Since she and my ds, a yr younger than her, didn't know the language they were put in the grade below. All my children adjusted beautifully. Me, is another story. I do live where there is a very large jewish community, but most of them don't speak english Sad

.

op, I can't tell you how wonderful it will be or even if you'll be happy, but you'll adjust. It doesn't make it any easier knowing other people have done it, but we have and we live to tell the tale. If you have any questions or anything, you can pm me.

Mrs Bissli

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 7:46 am

Yup, done continental moves twice for the same reasons, moved to Asia (I'm with you, Amital) and now in Europe. In summary, it works for some, it doesn't for others.

A few basic things: are there jewish communities that you feel comfortable with? Chabad? kosher food? Mikvah? Are you/your husband/family ok with the local language? Are there direct flights between the place and where your family is? Can your mother come visit you frequently or are there situations where this is difficult? Is lifestyle similar (big city vs rural, standard of medical care)? Are you planning to work, if so can spouses get work visa (may be hard in some countries)?

As others mentioned, you need to think about how you are going to educate children. We were in Asia before we had children, I probabl won't consider moving there with school-age children unless you're comfortable with homeschooling or it's going to be in HK (the only city with day school AFAIK). Pre-school is the easiest, kindargarten-Yr3 gets integrated fairly easily, more challenging for upper grades (esp if different language), gets much more difficult if you have older (ie secondary school) kids.

If your husband already has an offer overseas, he should inquire about housing trip. Most companies let the candidate and their spouse to do a reconnaissance visit to check the housing/schools (for the wives) and meet the local staff (for the husbands). The company pays for such a trip, usually about 3days or max 1wk. Also he should really be careful about relocation packages, what's included (esp cost of living--housing and tuition, tax consultation, home leave, pension arrangement, assistance in selling/renting out your current house). PM me if you need more advice on the practical issues or if "another continent" is Europe or Asia.