3 year old staging a rebellion!

imokay

Wed, Jan 02 2008, 7:39 pm

ok, maybe rebellion is a bit exaggerated....
here's my dilemma, when my dd slet in crib once she was slepping thru the night, every couple of months, she'd stage, what id call, a rebellion- basically, cry at night for no reason- we ignored her for 2 nights, and would "cure" her and she would would sleep just fine for another couple of months. a little before 3, switched her to bed, no probs. slept great there. now, 6 months later, she's staging another rebellion.
problem is, I cant ignore her- she gets out of bed now!
im at my wits end! she's 3! she (and me) should be able to sleep thru the night!
I have tried rewards, I have tried consequences.
when she cries, all she's saying is mommy mommy- it's so annoying. and when u finally get her to talk and u ask her whats wrong, shell say something like- my toe hurts, I cant cover myself, my pony is falling out- basically lame excuses (though inventive for a 3 y.o!)
so frustrated at her and myself, cuz ive lost my temper too many times with her already. we both need help!
what do you wise ones suggest? I bow to your great wealth of wisdom.

Tamiri

Thu, Jan 03 2008, 1:57 am

I have a 3 yo as well. I think this is the age when they start developing night terrors. I need my sleep. Put those two together and.... I am the one who needs to win here. After the first couple of times, we just called from our room "go back to sleep". When he started slipping into our beds at night we locked the door. He punished us for a couple of weeks by pishing in bed at night (he had been dry) but B'H lately it's all going smoothly. As long as we remember to lock our door.... I think he tries every night, but no noise...

juko

Sun, Jan 06 2008, 6:43 pm

I also have a 3 yo. He was slleping great till he moved to a bed, where he could just get out and come to us. He wanted a drink usuallly, then went back to sleep. But was very annoying. Sometimes I had to change his diaper cause it would get soakeed. We rtied everything, but he would still get out of bed. Finally, the stage just ended. (it took about a year). Bottom line: I think at this age, for whatever reason, they get scared in middle of the night and need reassurance. I think its important to give them the reassurance, and eventually, like all other annoying stages, it passes.

happymom

Sun, Jan 06 2008, 7:40 pm

she prob tells u those things because she doesnt know how to describe what she is feeling. first of all she prob wants to feel loved, and the outbursts, although of course not your intent might make her feel the opposite which makes her have sad feelings, which make her cry which she cant explain...... she might just wnat a reassuring hug or some time with u..... but also, three year olds are afraid of things. the dark, a movement, a noise, who knows what..... ignoring imo wont help, but reassuring her that u love her and that hashem is watching over her, and talking with her about what kind of things might help her sleep better can help. like maybe a new book, or doll next to her, a special lamp, a nightight, who knows??? maybe if u tell her ull come in her room before u go to sleep and check on her, maybe if u lie with her and talk to her about her day for 5 minutes a night.... I dont know but it can help! goodluck, my daughters the same age, and staying in bed is something we are working on but bh its getting better and easier Wink

I think its important to give them the reassurance, and eventually, like all other annoying stages, it passes

I think if we change our attitude and realize that they just need us and we are the parent and we can help them, it wont be annoying, its part of our jonb as mothers to be there for our kids even at these harder times when we are tired.

Of course three year olds also like to test us and thier boundries, and sometimes, I just have to give my daughter two options and they are either you lie in your bed, or I will have to put you in your crib... many times I let her fall asleep in my bed and then I just move her to her bed, cuz she falls asleep faster that way.

Last edited by happymom on Sun, Jan 06 2008, 8:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

imokay

Sun, Jan 06 2008, 7:46 pm

I know u all r right and I need more patience (not my strongest quality)
it's just, her twin brother sleeps so nicely (poo poo poo, bli ayin hara Very Happy

), I cant understand why she cant do the same. sure occasionally, he wakes up and is frightened, but occasionally, is the operative word.
I guess I should put it into perspective. this should be my biggest problem.
thanks all for the help
(btw, she has a special doll, we have a long relaxing bedtime routine, I do check on her, I think it's just her personality. very intense and aware of surroundings as opposed to my son who is very relaxed and easy going)
here's to a good night's sleep tonight!

imokay

Mon, Jan 26 2009, 10:13 am

ok. I wrote this thread a year ago. A YEAR! and guess what? my dd, now 4 is STILL doing this and lately it's gotten worse. I cant even ignore her anymore bc b"h I have a baby (5 mnths b"h) and if he isnt in a deep sleep, her crying wakes him too. so I'm getting up 4 times a night for an insomniac baby. I just can't deal with getting up for a 4 year old. (at least let them coordinate their crying bouts!)
I have tried charts, rewards, prizes for who sleeps at night, yelling embarrassed

, etc. what am I supposed to do?
I am trying to think of a good consequence for her actions, but have yet to come up with something suitable.
please help!

happymom

Mon, Jan 26 2009, 12:21 pm

she probably needs extra love and ateention. maybe you can get her some new tapes, a nice night light and lie with her for a while and cuddle with her.... im sure that can help. lots of times kids act up and say the 'cant fall asleep" because they want more attention and love they dont know how to say it and realize thats what they want....

especially with a new baby. they know the baby is near u and are jealous. that was the hardest sleeping time for my older daughter. I would let her come in my room sometimes at night because I knew how hard it was that the new baby was in our room.... not always jut when I felt she really needed it and after the baby was a few wekks it got easier and she saw we loved her too Wink

Last edited by happymom on Mon, Jan 26 2009, 1:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

AlwaysGrateful

Mon, Jan 26 2009, 12:27 pm

Wow, a whole year. That's got to be tough. And with a new baby too!

Can you try "social stories" with her? Brainstorm with her what she can do when she wakes up at night and gets scared. (Examples - read a book, hug her doll, play a tape quietly, write a little card for mommy to read when she gets up, etc) and then talk to her about how when she wakes up tonight, here's what she's going to do. Instead of focusing on what she's NOT going to do...

gryp

Mon, Jan 26 2009, 5:32 pm

My son did the same things.
I let him cry it out at a few different points until I saw it really was doing him damage. It happened to be the start of the summer and he had no AC in his room, so I let him sleep in my bed that summer. Of course he didn't want to leave once the summer was over, but I was fine with that, since I saw the huge smiles on his face every morning when we woke up, and how happy he was to be there. The change in him was noticeable, from being unhappy and nervous, to being happy and settled. I knew that I couldn't force him out without it affecting him negatively, so he stayed there, especially since he started having nightmares around 3 yrs old. Once he matured a bit and I knew he was ready to handle nightmares in his own room, I told him that once he turns 4 yrs he's going to start sleeping in his own bed in the other room with his brother. About 2 weeks before his birthday he told me he wants to sleep in his own room, and that was that.
He's now 5 and a half KAH and has grown out of most of his anxieties, BH. He'll do his thing, wanting more attention when he needs me more, like you said your daughter does, but it's becoming less often. I think of all my 4 boys he demands the most attention, but he does really well, is responsible and efficient for a kid his age.