nursery programs for 3 yr old-flatbush

amother

Fri, Mar 06 2009, 7:35 am

Hi, I am just starting to look into this. DH would like my 3 yr old to have some more interaction with kids his age. I think my best bet is probably just more playdates-there are just not that many kids his age on the block though. We are considering (though Im not not very into the idea at 3!) sending him to nursery, even if its just 1/2 a day, or just 3 days per week. (For many reasons, I am absolutely opposed to in house playgroups-nothing in someones basement, I dont care if its a wife home, wife and husband home, wife with 3 girls helping her, I only want something licensed, in a classroom, no exceptions).

I am interested in something that is not a daycare- something with a real teacher, who really teaches them stuff, a set agenda with a "curriculum" every day. If not, to me, its not worth it, and he might as well stay home with the babysitter and continue his daily routine. Again, this is just something we are considering. Which schools in FB have programs for 3 yr olds? What do you ladies think about any of these programs?
In my own opinion, I think hes just fine where he is- he has a set schedule, a very loving and caring babysitter who gives him all the time he needs, reads with him, does puzzles with him etc. So I think he is doing "educational" things. DH would like him to develop more of a routine- learning every day, in a classroom, and he thinks its important for him to interact with kids his own age, he is too "spoiled" being home with a babysitter all day. I personally think at 3 years old, hes fine where he is. But I promised DH I would ask around and look into it, and we can consider it, but I asked him to allow me to do some research. I like how things are, and him being in a nursery program would make things tougher in many respects -
1. we would be paying the babysitter anyway, she watches the baby too while I work. and on top of that, we would have to pay a school now, for DS.
2. we would have to find a way to get him to and from school every day, not an easy feat with 2 working parents
3. he would have to as organized as an older kid, meaning get dressed at a certain point every day, be ready for school and stuff, and at 3, I (/babysitter) tend to give him more freedom, and am more chilled out about that. if hes cranky I dont push him. I dont want to push my kid.

And about him being social with other kids - he has playdates once a week, sometimes more (its hard in the freezing cold winter). He is a very affable kid, very calm, not wild, a real sweetie pie ('what terrible twos'-that is my son). He will play with anyone and gets along with other kids...but sometimes he will go off on his own and just explore a toy, that is just his nature. DH thinks its because he doesnt spend enough time around other kids. But I dont see the problem.

I think we just have two very different outlooks on parenting and schooling, probably based on our own upbringings.

So I guess I want to hear from lots of people - lots of different views:
-is nursery a good idea? if you think it is, tell me why! give me encouragement
-do you have a kid with a temperment similar to mine? At 3 did he behave like this? is he well adjusted despite not having gone to nursery very young? tell me that
-do you have a full time babysitter with your kid or did you? Did you hate it and regret it? tell me about it
I am trying to explore my options so I want to hear unbiased ideas, different points of views, from as many ppl as possible.
Thanks!

Tamiri

Fri, Mar 06 2009, 8:01 am

In my opinion, at the age of 3, if he is happy where he is and it's working for you in all other aspects, then it's a good idea to leave well-enough alone and explore your options come September.
Unless you are Chareidi where, as Seraph noted, a boy starts Cheder at three and may be missing out on things, you really should not worry.
A well adjusted child in a home environment is wonderful. He doesn't "need" massive socialization until he's minimum 4 or sometimes even 5 . Once he starts a full-time program (as opposed to 2-3 days/ week for a few hours) you may find that he does "need" the socialization. The longer you can put it off, the better for you, according to what you wrote.
That is my opinion. Mother of five boys, at it for 23 1/2 years so far.

amother

Fri, Mar 06 2009, 8:15 am

thanks seraph and tamiri

seraph I know in israel its the norm. In Boro Park it is also typical to start sending boys to cheder at 3. In Flatbush though, its not as common to send to an actual school. Lots of people send to playgroups, and I am just not ok with the idea of a playgroup (no offense to you, I know you do babysitting in your house- to me there is a difference between babysitting little babies and a playgroup for little kids and I just have alot of issues with it its my own personal thing), so I am looking into only the option of school, which around here like I said, isnt the norm.

Tamiri, thanks for kindof validating what I already thought which is like if you have a good thing, dont change it. He is happy with his routine (or rather lack thereof), and I am not in a rush to send him off to interact and all that. I think you made a good point- that if he was in a classroom setting with lots of kids and then it was taken away from him, he would need the interaction and would miss it, but at this pt, I dont see what he is missing out on

in terms of chinuch
he knows his alef beis and his a b c's
he knows how to count and understands numbers
he sits through books and interacts
he can say shema (the first paragraph) by himself
he knows brachos
he knows the hebrew and english months of the year
so really at this age what on earath would he be learning in "school" that he is not getting at home? I certainly do not consider myself a teacher nor does DH, and our babysitter isnt jewish, so all that falls within our realm. But I dont think he is missing out on so much stuff being at home?
Does anyone send their kids to a school based nursery? at this age, are they getting much more than what I stated?
Also, just to compare, out of pure curiosity, would he be getting more than that at an in house playgroup?

amother

Fri, Mar 06 2009, 9:32 am

Seraph wrote:

From what I've seen of what my nephews learn in school here at age 3, its things like matching, being able to tell whats bigger and smaller, finding what is different, nature stuff, working on fine motor coordination through various means, torah stories... not to mention alef bais and brachos like you already noted.

Right. so that is what I keep telling DH-
ok -
matching he doesnt have the patience for. (which probably means he isnt good at it, but why push it). he has the patience for puzzles so I cant really understand, but I just figure "chanoch le'naar al pi darko"
bigger and smaller he can do
find what is different, he has books like that- animal books and find the odd one out and he can
nature stuff he doesnt know that much, because its the winter and he dosent get outside, its been so cold
torah stories we do with him, and even my non jewish babysitter reads him jewish books, he listens to uncle moishy songs while she is taking care of the baby (even she sings along at this point its so funny for me to see!)
brachos he knows
fine motor b'h bli ayin harah he is very good. he is good at puzzles like I said, he is good at putting things in their exact place. he draws, plays with balls, etc. I do honestly think he is up to par. But then again. He is not spending his days in a classroom of other kids his age and doesnt have a teacher doing the comparison. just a happy mommy.

so what I am trying to understand like is what is the point of sending him to preschool, I mentioned the three things about it (financially, getting him there and picking him up, having to wake him up and forcing a schedule on him) that are making me nervous...I guess I am waiting for that "OMG" post from someone who has sent to preschool/nursery, loved it, think it changed her kid, helped them drastically, etc. maybe its different in america? I dont know. Most of my friends who have kids his age and didnt keep them home like me, sent to playgroup, not a school. since Im not doing that, I am trying to explore the school option. As is really obvious from my posts, I like the status quo. but I told DH I would be open minded and lets explore the option. So I am just here trying to hear lots of women.

Tamiri

Fri, Mar 06 2009, 9:36 am

"so what I am trying to understand like is what is the point of sending him to preschool, I mentioned the three things about it (financially, getting him there and picking him up, having to wake him up and forcing a schedule on him) that are making me nervous...I guess I am waiting for that "OMG" post from someone who has sent to preschool/nursery, loved it, think it changed her kid, helped them drastically, etc. maybe its different in america? I dont know. Most of my friends who have kids his age and didnt keep them home like me, sent to playgroup, not a school. since Im not doing that, I am trying to explore the school option. As is really obvious from my posts, I like the status quo. but I told DH I would be open minded and lets explore the option. So I am just here trying to hear lots of women. "
Because at three, no matter what anyone thinks, it either just glorified babysitting OR shtupping kids with things they can learn at a later age, with greater ease. If it's cheder, it's setting the tone for the child's whole life but otherwise... I don't think there is anything the kid who is well cared for at home is missing.

amother

Fri, Mar 06 2009, 9:40 am

Tamiri wrote:

Because at three, no matter what anyone thinks, it either just glorified babysitting OR shtupping kids with things they can learn at a later age, with greater ease. If it's cheder, it's setting the tone for the child's whole life but otherwise... I don't think there is anything the kid who is well cared for at home is missing.

Thank you. That is exactly what I say tamiri. In my heart, I think the reason Dh wants him so badly to be in cheder, is because it "sets a certain tone"
I agree with that, I understand.
but I dont think that is a reason to make those 3 sacrifices I mentioned, after all he will start school soon enough.
Well, you and seraph both agree with me....I wish someone would post from "the other side"-I want to hear it and be open to it...

Twizzlers

Fri, Mar 06 2009, 11:27 am

well, we're not there just yet, but ds will be 3 in september and he is enrolled in nursery in a yeshiva in flatbush. I was originally against it, but as we've been going thru the winter months, he was going absolutely insane at home. there was a limit to how much we could go out with the baby in the freezing cold. every day he napped for longer and longer because he was just bored. that was after he colored and painted and did playdough and played toys all by 11 am.

I have been sending him twice a week to a playgroup in someones house...I'm not thrilled with it, but by the time we decided to do it in january, thats all that was left. so even though I know its glorified babysitting, I find that he really enjoys and thrives on the structure and the social aspect. his speech advanced majorly. I am happy that we are sending him next year, although since I do not work, I will not hesitate to pull him out if I feel its too much.