Are you pretty? | Imamother

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 1:34 am

I think I am much prettier at almost 40 than I was at 20. I have much more self confidence now. I am more aware of what s-xual power is and more comfortable with myself s-xually than I was when I was young. It is like my eyes have suddenly been opened at a later age. At some moments, I feel gorgeous, at some moments really ugly, it mostly depends on my mood. I try to smile a lot, especially to strangers so their first impression of me is good. I feel it makes you prettier and people respond better as they feel good when you are friendly. Especially women, who can be on the defense if you are good looking, are much friendlier when you smile and make them forget life is not a contest of who can be more attractive and they can stop being so competitive. You have to be careful with being too friendly to men as they may interpret smiles differently. I smile with my eyes so they are kind looking as well as I don't want to appear flirty.

I am not beautiful to everyone, I am sure, but the most important person in my life thinks so and that is what is important to me. My kids also think I am and I adore their love more so than anyone else. I could be hideous though and they would still find beauty in me as love sees beyond exteriors.

Yeah, I take after my mother too with looking much younger than I am. She is almost 70 and looks about 55. It is all in how active a lifestyle you have though, she is very busy and involved heavily in her community so people would never guess she is 70 and doing all that. People have their own preceptions of beauty and age.

yomomf

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 5:55 am

Yes.

I was much prettier before I covered my hair and had kids. I come across as much prettier now because I used to be insecure and now I carry myself with confidence.

I dont get all the posters who say that being prettier makes their lives easier.
I mean I get it, as a teenager I was hot! I didnt realize until I started covering my hair that everyone isnt allowed 5 extra lbs of luggage when they fly to Israel or that when you get stopped by a cop you usually get a ticket too (except those nasty women cops Wink

)

One of my daughters is gorgeous. Like truly stunning. People stop and stare. Heads turn. She's only six. I constantly have to ask strangers not to touch her or take pictures of her. She is constantly being given free things; cookies from bakeries, toys from bookstores. You get the picture. I daven that Hashem should help me raise her to use her beauty for the good.

Beauty is a real nisayon. People are always telling me that I'm going to have to lock her in the house when she's a teen. I dont plan on it but I am definitely nervous. I dont want the unwanted attention. Not now, not when she's a teen, not when she wants to get married to BE"H someone who will love her for her and not because they want a trophy wife.

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 9:23 am

yomomf wrote:

I dont get all the posters who say that being prettier makes their lives easier.
I mean I get it, as a teenager I was hot! I didnt realize until I started covering my hair that everyone isnt allowed 5 extra lbs of luggage when they fly to Israel or that when you get stopped by a cop you usually get a ticket too (except those nasty women cops Wink

my mother use to always joke with me that I just need to flip my hair and I'll get what I want, and I never really tried it but did try putting on charm and it worked, so that is also why I cant fully say that I'm not pretty.

about your daughter, people dont use the word pretty with my daughter but cute. random people comment on her and like her, its like they're drawn to her. Everyone says that she looks just like me. Her name is Esther and it makes me think of the meforshim about Esther and how it was either that she was the ultimate beauty or that she was ugly and people saw her inner beauty. My daughter is not ugly (not cause she's my daughter but because others dont think she is. But I wonder if she got that from her name. It definitely scares me sometimes. (In the market last week her shoe fell off when we were checking out and she was putting it back on, some stranger came over to her and helped her without saying anything to me and then offered her to switch both shoes since they were on the wrong feet)

fiddle

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 10:31 am

amother wrote:

(In the market last week her shoe fell off when we were checking out and she was putting it back on, some stranger came over to her and helped her without saying anything to me and then offered her to switch both shoes since they were on the wrong feet)

thats just common decency. I would do the same even if the kid had snot running down their ugly face. just saying.

last week I saw an ugly kid falling out of a stroller during a kiddush. I went over and helped him. no I was not enthralled by his beauty which caused me in turn to be drawn to helping him.

why do people look so much into things.

I would LOVE to see how you pretty people look. I wonder if we would think the same... not to crush your thought and self esteem, but sheer beauty is rare. I once , just once saw a BEAUTIFUL girl. she was about 15 in a bais yaakov uniform, as ugly as uniforms could be. I wanted to go over to her and ask her if she knew how beautiful she was. but I wasnt balsy enough.

not something you see every day.

Last edited by fiddle on Thu, Oct 24 2013, 10:34 am; edited 2 times in total

yo'ma

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 10:32 am

fiddle wrote:

amother wrote:

thats just common decency. I would do the same even if the kid had snot running down their ugly deformed face. just saying.

I agree with you, but snot running down Question

...not so sure about that.

greenfire

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 12:10 pm

fiddle wrote:

amother wrote:

I too would do the same ... and you've got a great point as to why people even question if they should help or not dependent on how beautiful one's face is ... or clothing or whatever ...

I have told people they're beautiful - sometimes their loved ones take that for granted - a little self-esteem goes far

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 7:31 pm

fiddle wrote:

amother wrote:

Sadly I don't think many people would. I think that most people feel far more inclined to help a little girl if she is pretty and/or cute.

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 7:38 pm

Ruchel wrote:

Have you seen models IRL, no make up, no dress up, no PHOTOSHOP?
just sayin

Models are not pretty at all! They are what I call "strikingly ugly". The main thing is they have to be tall. very tall, at minimum 5'8 no less, and very skinny. Their faces are gaunt with no life in them, if you look closely. Some of them have a weird look. They are like walking hangers, that's all.
I know many girls who are truly beautiful, in and out, most importantly IN. And look like real women!
when I asked my dh what he finds attractive about me he said my gorgeous warm smile, sparkling eyes, womanly curves, warm heart, lovely personality, really funny, and with good values!

(btw I don't believe any of this about myself, but it was nice to hear it Very Happy

)

dancingqueen

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 7:40 pm

amother wrote:

fiddle wrote:

amother wrote:

Sadly I don't think many people would. I think that most people feel far more inclined to help a little girl if she is pretty and/or cute.

Most small children are cute btw.

dancingqueen

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 7:43 pm

amother wrote:

With makeup, I'd say I'm an 8.5.
Without makeup, I'd say a 4. Lol, thank G-D for makeup!!! I really go from an ugly girl to a beautiful head-turner.

This is unlikely unless you are undervaluing without makeup or overvaluing yourself with make-up.

I think its hard for most people to accurately assess their own looks on a scale of 1-10.

I am a 10 though, clearly. Wink

amother

Thu, Oct 24 2013, 7:57 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

amother wrote:

With makeup, I'd say I'm an 8.5.
Without makeup, I'd say a 4. Lol, thank G-D for makeup!!! I really go from an ugly girl to a beautiful head-turner.

Could be. But I think I really am different than most other people that wear makeup. I completely change my look. I don't even recognize myself without makeup. My skin is blotchy and pale, which transforms into glowing and tan. My eyelashes are invisible, which transform to long and thick and dark. My eyes are washed out and disappear, and then with makeup they look beautiful.
A few years ago, a random guy stopped me on the street, saying, "Oh, my G-d. Your makeup is GORGEOUS!" I laughed and thought, that is the most accurate compliment I've ever gotten. Everyone else would say how gorgeous I am, which of course means they were fooled Wink