Sandals in Lakewood

allthingsblue

Mon, Jul 10 2017, 10:28 pm

amother wrote:

I might not be lifelong, but I have been in Lakewood for more than 2/3 of my life. Starting here at the impressionable age of 12.

We must have gone to different schools!

P.S. If you go back a little further than both of us you will find lots of colorful things in Lakewood's past - such as co-ed schools & mixed dances. I sure hope that that does not come back in vogue too soon. Though at the rate we are going...
Booking my tickets to Antarctica now Wink

Antarctica??? Israel! 💙🇮🇱🇮🇱

Simple1

Mon, Jul 10 2017, 10:29 pm

amother wrote:

Sorry but as a lifelong Lakewood resident I have to say - oh please. Not wearing stockings is impurifying your sheltered kids? Growing up here, some frum employees in my school didn't cover their hair and dressed like modern orthodox, as they were. No one even noticed. What has become of my town?

I'm not so worried about what random people wear. But of all businesses, clothing stores should give their employees a dress code - same as some clothing boutiques hire women who look trendy and put together. After all, the whole reason I give them my business is because I want tznius clothing, it makes sense the staff should model that.

imeinu

Mon, Jul 10 2017, 10:31 pm

Simple1 wrote:

YES!

DVOM

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 6:52 am

Hey all, OP here

Thanks for the replies everyone, you answered my question! Sounds like some would barely notice, some would be annoyed or disgruntled (This is not our minhag hamakom!!), and some kinda concerned and confused (Where do your kids go to school? how are you getting away with this?).

I'm not going to post where my boys go to school, though I've posted it elsewhere so I'm not sure why I'm being coy about it. It's a pretty typical Lakewood school, perhaps a bit more to the left side of things (or, as left as you can get for Lakewood). To be honest, before this post I never have dreamed about worrying about meeting my boy's school staff out and about town in sandals. I would only wear closed toe shoes with stockings to a school function, out of respect for the school rules. But I perhaps naively believe that the same way I respect our school, they would extend the same respect if they met me outside of school dressing in a way that conforms with my own values.

Reading this back, I guess I know that this is naive, though it has been my overall experience living here. I'll tell you how I get away with it: I find that when I and comfortable and confident with my decisions, whether it's to not wear stockings, or holding my husband's hand when we take walks or letting my boys run around our neighborhood in nothing but bathings suits (yes, even for boys this is considered 'not tznius' in our Lakewood development. I'd been doing it for years without knowing that I was committing a social breach) most people respect it.

amother

Wheat

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 4:02 pm

Though you may feel that it is okay to wear sandals, the minhag hamakom of Lakewood is not to wear them. Do determine if it is appropriate for you to wear, it really depends on the area you live in and the school you send your sons to. In my opinion, if you don't wear stockings but you wear closed toe shoes, that is different than wearing sandals, as someone has to specifically look at your feet and look to see if you are wearing stockings whereas by wearing sandals it is right in front of your face. It may be socially acceptable depending on your area or school, but the general "rule" in Lakewood is to wear stockings. By wearing sandals you are making a statement that you don't abide by the rules.

L K

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 4:11 pm

My girls and boys schools, which are considered among more diverse ones for lakewood both send a memo to parents (mothers and fathers) to dress respectably when *out* of school. If you're curious I could pull up the exact lashon. Iirc, they mention denim jeans and a few other specific items, otherwise remains non-specific but pretty clear in a sense of "vehameyvin yavin."

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 5:15 pm

I've never even visited but I used to think of Lakewood as this amazing Torah place in the US.

After reading all the threads on here recently my bubble is completely burst.

So much learning, and people are more concerned with what other people wear on their feet than of being honest in business?

Even if it's not true, it's bad enough that it APPEARS to be true.

So sad.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 5:24 pm

amother wrote:

I too find it sad that there are those who are dishonest in business and think that's okay.....OTOH I still consider tznius to be important, and I adhere to the minhag hamakom here.

I don't think that's sad.

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 5:34 pm

I thought this was going to be about sandals themselves.
Interesting - going back maybe 30 years, I was neighbors with a couple of relatives of the Rebbetzin z"l & realized they were makpid to wear slippers with closed fronts.

At that time it was quite normal to wear open toed shoes - we wore something called "sandalfoot" pantyhose.

I personally decided I liked the hakpada, but never thought there was anything wrong with open toed shoes.

A couple of years ago I went to a store about 20 minutes away to look for a certain supposedly comfortable shoe. The woman there told me she formerly worked for someone in Lakewood, and knowingly said "you need closed toes, right?" I didn't really bother to explain...

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 6:08 pm

amother wrote:

Everyone has their values and no one is perfect. We all have what to work on or we wouldn't be here anymore. A very high value in lakewood is (was) tznius. This is a beautiful and important value. And they have a right to it. One has nothing to do with the other.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 6:34 pm

When tznius moves from worrying about what I wear to worrying about what others are wearing, or worrying about what others think about what I wear, at the same time that people are (rightly OR wrongly) being arrested for fraud, that is a very very sad state of affairs for klal yisrael.

And when people don't even realize how sad it is?

Oy.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 6:56 pm

We don't have just one mitzva at a time. Life
Is complicated with lots of stuff going on all over and we still have hundreds of mitzvos we focus on all day. There are many many threads going on on this site with many topics being discussed. Some intense and some superfluous. The tznius in is lakewood is a very important issue and the recent arrests is a very important issue as well. All can be discussed and one topic does not take away from another. To those who value the tznius standards that have been acceptable and appreciated in lakewood for the last many years, this is an ongoing issue. To those who could care less, this is not.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:18 pm

God is NOT sending the Taliban to Lakewood to "potch" the community for lack of tznius. He is sending the POLICE into Lakewood to "potch" the community for its whole approach to learning, working and government hand outs.

Learn the lesson before He hits us all harder

amother

cornflower

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:23 pm

amother wrote:

I'm super in awe that you have a clear line with G-d where He tells you the reasons for everything that goes on.