S/O Sleeping in the Sukkah

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Does your husband sleep in the sukkah?

My husband sleeps in the sukkah (without me) and I’m OK with it

28%

[ 115 ]

My husband sleeps in the sukkah (without me) and I resent/hate it.

[ 8 ]

I sleep in the sukkah with my husband.

[ 8 ]

My husband doesn’t sleep in the sukkah.

64%

[ 259 ]

Other

[ 14 ]

Total Votes : 404

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 11:08 am

I used to hate it! I worked hard getting YT ready and then on YT serving and taking care of kids. One year, I joined DH in the sukka as a surprise to him... And we both loved it! Since then, depending on how cold it is, either the whole family joins him or just I join him. He's also a bit less makpid to sleep there every single bingle night, as he used to, so if I ask him to sleep with me, he'll agree.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 12:27 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Perk to being Lubavitcher. This is never an issue.

Exdh told me that it's because in case a man has a "dream" with zara, then the sukkah is contaminated, or not kosher, or something like that.

A friend of mine has a large family, and her DH and all the older kids have a big sleepover in their huge sukkah. Anyone who wants to sleep outside can, and if any of the kids can't get settled, it's OK if they want to go back to their beds. My friend sleeps in her bed, and then the little ones stay in and snuggle with her. It works out very well for them, but understand OP, it helps when DH and DW are on the same page.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 12:31 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Perk to being Lubavitcher. This is never an issue.

It definitely is 😀

amother

Coffee

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 12:35 pm

Why Chabad doesn't sleep in the Sukkah - from one of my kids' Dvar Torahs:

Part of the mitzvah of Sukkos is to sleep in the sukkah.

But Chabad does NOT sleep in the sukkah.

Why not? How can they just skip a part of a mitzvah?

The Chabad Rebbes COULD not fall asleep in the sukkah, even if they were in the sukkah all night! The holiness of the sukkah was so strong, they just couldn’t fall asleep!

Most of us don’t feel that special holiness.

But we wish we did!

Sleeping in the sukkah would make us feel bad. We wish we were like the Rebbes who couldn’t fall asleep!

Part of the mitzvah of sleeping in the sukkah is that we don’t need to sleep there if it causes us pain. That's why many people don’t sleep in the sukkah if it is raining or if it is freezing cold.

We also would have pain from sleeping in the sukkah, even if it is warm and dry! We would have pain that we CAN fall asleep, even though the sukkah is so holy!

That’s why Chabad does not sleep in the sukkah.

Ruchel

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 3:35 pm

BH my husband doesn't have to (in this weather or at all, unsure)

Ihatepotatoes

Wed, Oct 16 2019, 8:53 pm

My husband slept in the Sukka until I had kids.

amother

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 12:37 am

It’s raining tonight! Hooray!!!
I hate feeling like this Sad

Metukah

Thu, Oct 17 2019, 12:44 am

I chose dh doesn't sleep in the sukka, but in actual fact, depending on where we are for succos, he has slept in the sukka some years and I slept there with him.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Oct 21 2019, 7:55 pm

Interesting thread! Until seeing the poll results I was under the impression that most men slept in the sukkah.

Another mom

Tue, Oct 22 2019, 3:02 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Interesting thread! Until seeing the poll results I was under the impression that most men slept in the sukkah.

Me too!

Elfrida

Tue, Oct 22 2019, 3:53 am

In Israel I think they do. In chutz l'aretz the weather is often less cooperative, so it often becomes more of a choice.

Aylat

Tue, Oct 22 2019, 8:51 am

I voted husband sleeps in the succah without me and I'm fine with it. But I also sleep in the succah when we have no male guests sleeping over, and also if there are no young children sleeping inside who need me. So in the UK when it was too cold for our young kids to sleep out, I stayed inside. With a newborn this year I slept inside. But last year we had a family sleepover in the succah every night - I loved it.

miami85

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 1:28 pm

Where we live now it was too cold this yom tov but some men do. I did sleep with my husband in our sukkah when we lived in NY other than when it was too hot. If he did want to, I'd miss him, but wouldn't be the end of the world. There are opinions that unless you are still in need of fulfilling p'ru u'revu or mikvah night you shouldn't be intimate during the chagim anyway.

amother

Oak

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 2:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How can I demand that he forgo that mitzvah?

If it's interfering with a bigger mitzvah.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 2:56 pm

miami85 wrote:

I'm not aware of any opinion that you shouldn't be intimate for the entire duration of Sukkos. The Mishnah Berurah lists several Yomim Tovim when it's better not to if it's not mikvah night. I believe it's the first day(s) of Pesach, Shavuos, R"H, and the last day(s) of Sukkos. But for the entire Sukkos? I've never heard of such a thing. Do you have a source for it?

amother

Seashell

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 2:57 pm

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

If it's interfering with a bigger mitzvah.

How do you know which mitzvah is bigger than the other? I could hear an argument that since onah can be done year-round, while sleeping in the sukkah is only 1 week per year, that mitzvah may take priority. Definitely a question for your LOR and not just for us to decide which one is more important.

Cmon be nice

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 3:14 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Chabad minhag is not to sleep in the sukkah.

It's also chabad minhag for the men to only eat and drink in the sukkah, even a drink of water and even in the pouring rain.

Hate to tell you but many men are makpid not to eat or drink at all out of suca as its brought down in Shulchan Aruch. Though Ive also seen written that if a person will be hungry because theres no suca and its ruining their simchas yom tov, better to snack or drink out of suca

Ruchel

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 3:40 pm

We hold "seuda" is in the suka, so beware bread etc. I love this.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 3:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don’t understand how this squares with “taishvu kein taduru” either, but the mitzvah of Simcha is only on men. (Men have a chiyuv to make their wives happy, but women have no chiyuv to be happy Sad

I’m happy I don’t have that mitzva. A mitzva means a commandment. You absolutely can’t command a woman to be happy. We want to be happy and we try to be happy and we love to be happy but sometimes , many times we’re in pain which makes it hard to be only happy. Ach Same’ach.
(Think labour and delivery, period cramps, postpartum etc etc and if we don’t have kids we’re forsure in pain) can’t command a woman to be ach same’ach with no sadness at all for seven full days.
So I appreciate that I don’t have a pressure to fulfill that commandment that I must feel happy every second.
And I also appreciate that DH has a mitzva to make me happy on Yom Tov, and he does.
Of course we don’t separate.
He actually comes to bed with me every night on yomtov, some nights we’re together and some nights we just snuggle and shmooze in bed before he goes to sleep in the sukka. He doesn’t just run off and leave me alone. No way.
I would also resent it if I were you.
But it’s not about the mitzva or the chag, it’s about your husband not learning properly how to do the sukka sleeping thing as a married man, that has a commandment to be happy, and make his wife happy too.
And It’s never too late to learn.
I’m chassidish btw. DH sleeps in the sukka every single night.

amother

Oak

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 4:33 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Onah is not the only mitzvah involved here.

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