Fasting today? Insane

amother

Wandflower

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 10:37 am

Until I had kids I fasted most fast days. Today I'm not pregnant or nursing but woke up feeling very dehydrated, it's insanely hot here & had a very stressful day yesterday. I went straight to drinking- can't say I don't feel guilty but I can't deal with dehydration right now.

amother

Copper

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 10:53 am

TMI, but I've been having diarrhea for 2 days and need to drink a lot to not feel dehydrated. I got my kids off to camp and went back to bed. I'm trying to rest and make it to chatzos but I doubt I'll make it through the whole fast. I definitely wouldn't even make it halfway if I had to go outside in the heat.

amother

Stone

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 10:54 am

amother Lemonlime wrote:

I’m BH expecting and nursing. No way am I fasting today—I didn’t even ask a shaila. Hope Hashem is okay with that. TMI

Will probably ask about Tisha B’Av though and YK.

For today in your case, no need to ask a Shaila.
Though maybe you should ask a Shaila as to whether you should still be nursing. ( I don’t know if it’s a Shaila for your Rav though; more likely for your doctor.)

amother

Marigold

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 12:18 pm

I used to be a pretty good faster. Now after a bunch of kids I find fasting much harder, especially when I’m busy with them. At a certain point I started fasting only until chatzos (unless pregnant or nursing, then not at all). Otherwise I will meltdown and yell at my kids, and that’s not fair to them.

My youngest is under 5 months, but I’m not nursing. I think until chatzos is enough for me to feel the fast day without falling apart.

amother

Bone

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 1:17 pm

amother Marigold wrote:

Not picking on you in particular, but this is not necessarily an excuse not to fast. AYLOR.
There are a lot of people with legitimate reasons not to fast. Being uncomfortable isn't one of them. Being dehydrated because of a medical reason most likely is. Fasting was not designed to put someone in the hospital. Getting a headache or stressed out aren't reasons to break the fast imo.

amother

Bone

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 1:18 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

Pls ask a rav, as a teacher and mother I didn't fast

What was your reason besides being a teacher and mother? Not exactly a unique situation.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 1:30 pm

amother Lemonlime wrote:

I’m BH expecting and nursing. No way am I fasting today—I didn’t even ask a shaila. Hope Hashem is okay with that. TMI

Will probably ask about Tisha B’Av though and YK.

You need to ask about Tisha B’Av and YK is for sure a serious shayla. (I have no idea what your rav will say and won’t guess based on what I or anyone else I know were ever told.) As far as I know today was no shayla for you.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 1:35 pm

amother Bone wrote:

In YOUR opinion.

My father once had a headache on a fast, and R' Yaakov Kaminetsky told him to break it.
(Everyone should ask their own sheila.)

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 1:39 pm

amother Bone wrote:

What was your reason besides being a teacher and mother? Not exactly a unique situation.

Not unique but according to some enough of a reason not to fast. Everyone has to ask their own shayla but as far as I know there are no poskim on this thread.

amother

Bone

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 1:42 pm

Chayalle wrote:

In YOUR opinion.

My father once had a headache on a fast, and R' Yaakov Kaminetsky told him to break it.
(Everyone should ask their own sheila.)

Perhaps it was Taanis Esther or Tzom Gedalia or a nidche, or he was ill...

IMO, a problem with these threads, is that women read them and think that for various minor (read: non) reasons, they can break their fast. Even though they are supposed to ask, they don't, cuz someone here said they got a heter because of a headache.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 1:47 pm

amother Bone wrote:

They should ask a sheilah. I think though there are too many situations where women fast when they shouldn't. (I heard this in a shiur from a respected yeshivish Rav once). I'm not saying to break fast for no reason, but ask.

I'm actually shocked that so many women fast when pg or nursing. There are many leniencies for this. I know people (yes, more than one woman) who RL lost pg's the day after a minor fast. As someone with not a great pg history, I'm particularly sensitive to this I guess.

amother

Poppy

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 2:13 pm

amother Bone wrote:

Taking it out on the kids though is a reason as per some Rabbonim. And that's what she stated in her post. She wasn't focused on the headache or the stress, she was focused on how her fasting impacts others.

We are all human and fasting affects people differently. Not everyone can fast plus lovingly take care of their children. I personally think its commendable where women have self awareness to know what they can or cannot do.

Perhaps you fast amazingly well and it doesn't impact those around you. Good for you. But that doesn't mean that others are in a similar position.

amother

Bone

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 2:18 pm

amother Poppy wrote:

Those who know me would ROFL at the bolded.

amother

Azure

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 2:20 pm

These threads are always very disturbing to me, until I actually picked up the phone and called my Rov.

I am not nursing, not pregnant, not trying and my baby is over 2.

I explicitly wanted to hear from the rov his answer to 'I dont have a problem with fasting, I have a problem with fasting and looking after the kids'

I was pleasantly surprised at his answer and felt very validated.

Everyone, please speak to a competent rov.
Bh Im so blessed our Rov is so approachable and easy to talK TO. TYH.

amother

Poppy

Thu, Jul 06 2023, 2:25 pm

amother Bone wrote:

Those who know me would ROFL at the bolded.

So that begs the question - if you should be fasting. Either you possess superhuman strength where you are a terrible faster but you can still be a loving mother. Or your kids bear the fallout, or maybe you have help on such a days.

If you possess superhuman strength, or you have help, then you don't get to guilt other women about fasting. If your kids bear the fallout, then you don't either get to guilt other mothers into doing the same.

So maybe just run with the idea that everyone should do as per their own Rav's guidance.