Don't bring your kids

Cheiny

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

No I wasn't upset I had to miss the wedding. I wasn't planning to bring the little kids uninvited. I was fine with missing the wedding. I knew this in advance. I went because we figured it's a nice 5 day getaway anyway. And we brought the whole family.
I was actually totally fine missing the wedding. That's not the point. The point is how normal is it for a sibling to make strict statements about not bringing little kids.
If they would have said we don't have enough spots at a kids table. Anything. Any sort of reason I would be so understanding.
Literally they just have something against little kids. And this is cousins.

Do you know that they have something against little kids (sounds odd) or is that what you’re assuming? Why do they have to come up with an explanation for why they can’t invite numerous little kids? Did you expect them to say it’s too expensive? Too crowded? Do you think that in middle of all the arrangements and stress that go along with making a wedding, the thing uppermost on their mind was making sure they gave you a satisfactory explanation for why they weren’t invited everyone’s little kids?

If you say you’d have been so understanding had they given you any kind of explanation, then why can’t you just assume whatever reason they had was a legit one, and be understanding anyway?

amother

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:49 pm

Wow how many people are going to say I was wrong for bringing them?!
I didnt bring them!!
I brought them with me on the flight without telling them not sure how they even heard they came because we all went as a family but I didn't bring them to the wedding.
Literally never had any intention to. Was fine with not going to the wedding. It was important to my husband to be there and he went.

I was wondering if it's normal to expect cousins to come to an out of state wedding and not bring little kids.

MrsDash

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:49 pm

MrsDash wrote:

I'm the youngest of a bunch of siblings. The eldest is over 20 years older than me. There were a few times where us younger kids were "uninvited" to a family simcha. I remember all of us were very insulted. (We were kids, but we still had feelings and emotions like any other human!)

As an adult there have been a couple families whose kids were not invited because - a. There were special needs individuals who are difficult to "control," and b. The other families made like their kids were hefker at any event that included other people. (although, as kids, we weren't in any of those categories.)

Having said that, I think it's rude and hurtful to uninvite your own family. IF they have specific issues, then talk, and figure something out that works. IF they're not "kid people," it's still obnoxious not to invite such close family.

OP, I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of something this distasteful. HUGS Hug

***ETA - If this was an "adult only" type of event, then I can see not allowing children, but this was a wedding, not a dinner party.

amother

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:52 pm

Honestly I really think they have something against little kids. Nithjng to do with money or crowding issues. Knowing them. They really don't like kids . Maybe that's why it's so insulting. I wouldn't have the nerve to say outright please don't bring your little kids to my close relatives. Who are coming from out of state.

amother

Blueberry

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:55 pm

amother Blueberry wrote:

Have any of you ever made a chasuna? it is a whole other story you have to compromise and even be mevater to the other side
fargin
assume your relatives had to do this to keep the peace
sholom is a kelli for brocha

Be dlkz

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:55 pm

Your husband's family is very strange. That's all. They didn't ask if you were going to hire a babysitter or switch off? They just became enraged that you dared to bring your kids to THEIR country?

Next time maybe let your dh go by his own self.

amother

Acacia

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with having brought your kids to the same city. Did these relatives specifically make it clear they expected to see you there (which if they did I do not think its reasonable of them to have done so if your kids are not invited as who will watch them), or were you invited and therefore made a big effort to be there just due to it being a relatives Simcha?

amother

Beige

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Personally I wouldn't bring little kids to an out of state wedding, even cousins.

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Without telling them.

What would you have done if you hadn’t gotten the message on the day before? Did you already have a babysitter lined up for the wedding or would you have tried to bring all your kids and assumed it was fine?

lamplighter

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 6:58 pm

It wasn't clear from your OP that you had no intention to bring them to the wedding, and that you had a plan in place you wrote we decided to bring them anyway. So it read to me that once you got the text reminding you that they weren't invited you decided to stay home with the little ones.

I have no idea what you mean that they don't like kids if you also said there were many kids there.

amother

Beige

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why is it insulting to you that they don't like kids?
TBH there must be more then them not liking kids here. You said there were tons of other kids no?

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:04 pm

amother Beige wrote:

Why is it insulting to you that they don't like kids?
TBH there must be more than them not liking kids here. You said there were tons of other kids no?

She said the other side had kids there. Not her side. In other words it was her ILs who didn't want kids and not the other side.

amother

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:04 pm

Imagine this conversation with your mother in law..hi we are making a wedding Wed love for you to come but the thing is you can't bring your kids.
Ok but I really can't leave them.

Ok ..so don't come.

Ouch!
They don't really care if we are there ot not.

How about if they would have said we totally get it. We still want you there! Let me call my neighbors daughter to see if she can watch the kids.

It's a feeling. Family relationships.
They literally could not care less if we came or not.
Note to self..

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Aug 28 2023, 7:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

When my kids were little, I stayed home from some family weddings with them (and DH went ) and DH stayed home from some family weddings with them (and I went). It didn’t occur to me that I should be insulted.

Some people don’t want little kids at their wedding for whatever reason. That’s their choice.