BY Baltimore - new rule

justforfun87

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:51 am

amother Chambray wrote:

Really??? I grew up in Baltimore, graduated not too long ago from BY and am so surprised by this. Yes, they've been leaning towards pleasing the yeshivish crowd more than the modern crowd, but this is beyond that. BY has always been b'shitta not involved in outside of school life. Even the newer rule about phones is only if you want to bring your phone to school and leave it in the office.
What division of the school is this from?

It was from elementary school.

Therefore, we respectfully request that all parents and visitors be mindful of the
following guidelines when entering Bais Yaakov. This consideration includes
coming for a visit, a meeting, or attending a performance. The examples listed
below are not exclusive but are for reference as one considers this request.

Women
· Elbows and necklines should be covered
· Skirts should cover knees at all times
· Stockings/tights/knee socks should be worn

amother

Coffee

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:54 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

I don't send to BY so I am not sure what the letter said.

However, TA has sent out multiple emails about dress code for the parents(not specifically on socks) whenever coming on campus.

Also, if the school requires the girls to wear knee highs or tights (which I know they do starting in certain grades) and they see parents coming to school without, it gives them mixed messages.

Re the mixed messages the girls have to wear uniforms and obviously parents don’t. They also can’t wear nail polish in school for example but they can wear outside of school and they don’t have a rule about moms wearing nail polish to school events.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:04 am

justforfun87 wrote:

You didn’t say that you had to click to get to this part of the letter. And you conveniently left out the men’s dress code that they don’t require but ask. Even for women it says it’s a request. Not a requirement.
Every once in a while they send out emails like this. It’s nothing new. They just want people to look bekovidik.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:04 am

amother Ballota wrote:

It frightens me because TA has never discussed what the kids do at home. Then they started the program where kids don't play ball on shabbos - optional. Then nishmasi - optional. For now.

You know who parents my kids? ME. My husband. We decide when they can go on a screen, not TA, not an optional program with a prize and trip. It's on me to parent and to limit screen time. It's not for the school or any other outside source to deal with the screen time fight in my home. I'm the parent. Using nishmasi as the excuse rubs me the wrong way.

The snow day this year with the cute poem? That the principal was unwilling to bend the nishmasi rules for? The one that told working parents to make snow day memories with the kids and not let them go on screen? Were we all supposed to take the day off work?

Aside from that, so many of the kids are flat out lying. How do I know? My kid plays minecraft with his classmates during the week. But he does not participate in nishmasi and they do. So my older son, when he applied to high school and he was asked about his screen time, he was honest and said his parents allow a small amount per day and that's what he does, from the dining room table. He did not get into mesivtas that his lying friends got into due to the screen time (I was told this by the menahel who rejected him). His friends are on minecraft ALL HOURS of the night. And they flat out lied when asked. So tell me, who is teaching their kids to be yashar? The one who says yes, you can have 30 mins. a night and this is because your parents believe this is ok? Or the ones who give a laptop in the kids room, unlimited screen time, and then say shhhhhh. And who got into the "better" mesivta" Not my honest son.

If I can't parent, and deal with a fight or whiny kids, I don't want the school to be the scapegoat. It's not how I parent.

Why does it scare me? Because I now envision a time when TA will make a no screen time rule, not optional program. I worry this is the precursor to that.

I don't have an elementary aged kids in TA, so we are not part of nishmasi. I actually would love it. My kids to get limited computer time in a public area in my house. But I really wouldn't mind if they were told weekends only. I do tell my kids no screen time when I feel we need a screen break, too late in the day, too early on off days, etc. So it's not something I can't say no to. But a school wide program would make them want to skip on their own.

And regarding mesivta, I'm sorry this happened to you. My son was never asked such questions at his mesivta fahers and if he was he would have been honest in his answer (and does have computer time during the week. He plays minecraft and the like, nothing questionable.). He got accepted into good yeshivos. Many of his friends have computer time during the week from good homes and got into good yeshivos too. Yeshivos both in town and out of town.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:08 am

Quote:

We send to bnos. They have a no leggings rule. One teacher in the preschool was wearing tights with socks on top (with sneakers). My daughter came home upset. She thought the teacher was wearing leggings and was upset her teacher was wearing pants when the kids are banned. This is preschool age!! So yes they do notice the discrepancies.

If they rule of wearing socks is explained to the kids as a tznius reason--then yes it can be very confusing to see parents not wearing socks.

amother

Coffee

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:10 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

Quote:

But my point is for the poster I was replying to who said it sends out mixed messages if they don’t have rules/guidelines for the mothers, that there are other “inconsistencies” that they are not trying to prevent with the examples I gave.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:23 am

amother Ballota wrote:

Dont worry about TA. They are flying by the seat of their pants most of the time and cant enforce anything. BY and TA are community schools pandering to the right for some inexplicable reason and no one listens anyway. Really. Dont worry.

I told my son he can switch his nishmasi day for another day due to the snow storm and all was well. No one is coming after you and they very much let the parents parent.

If TA makes a mandatory nishmasi, it will be decades after your kids are done there. And im even skeptical of that.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:27 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

I started the BM thread.

I saw the letter you are referring to.

I wouldnt worry about it. TA sends that stuff every year also.

No one wears tights when they go to BY. Its one of those "please try to keep to these standards but we know most people are not doing it so we will inform you about it and then not enforce it" kind of thing.

Leg covering is not minhag hamakom in Baltimore. Close toe shoes and you are fine. Some moms dont cover hair, necklines, knees, etc either. It’s not enforcable.

Excuse me? Most people do wear tights or stockings, depending on the season. And it has been enforced in the past and in the present.
Most mothers cover hair. I’d say 99%. And the ones who don’t always cover to come to BY.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:32 am

amother Pumpkin wrote:

Baltimore is diverse and in the summer its a mix of who wear what. On BY campus, moms coming for a visit wear either stocking or close toe shoes. This is not a big deal either way. I amend my exaggeration to "many".

Yes most people cover their hair. Some do not. The school never calls people out for it.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:52 am

amother Navyblue wrote:

Wow, I grew up in Baltimore when there was no uniform in elementary school and in HS we could do whatever we wanted as long as we wore the uniform. Sandals with no socks, nail polish, etc.
Several mothers did not cover their hair.
A couple families were not shomer shabbos.
Some girls wore pants outside of school.
There were no rules for parents or for the girls outside of school.

And you probably had school on Sundays and went to the mayor and Governor and sang in the fourth grade choir. Times have changed…

amother

Hosta

Mon, May 13 2024, 12:06 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

As a yeshivish woman who grew up in Baltimore and now lives in Baltimore...unless you're defining "most" as 51% (in which case, maybe you're right, I don't know), I don't think this is true. It's definitely not the vast majority.

My mother didn't cover her hair. She didn't wear socks in the summertime. If the school had made a rule like this when I was in school, she would have yanked me out of there so fast...

Part of what I love about BY, Bnos, and TA, is that they're not exclusive. It's okay if my kids have questions about why other people's parents (or other people) dress or act in ways they don't think is okay. We can then have a conversation about it and learn about halacha vs. minhag vs. chumra, about people who have different rabbanim and how we all follow our own rav, or about how we should feel/respond about people who don't follow what everyone agrees is halacha. (Depending on the situation, and whether the issue is actually against halacha or not.)

Part of what I love about Baltimore is that we're not afraid of people doing things differently than we do, that we're okay with them seeing that people come from different backgrounds and that our job isn't to judge them, it's to find the parts of them that are similar to us, and focus on those instead. And that we can be friends with people regardless of how they dress, or even of what they do, as long as they're respectful and don't try to make us do things we're not comfortable with.

I don't have girls in BY (I send to Bnos), so maybe this shouldn't matter so much to me, and maybe I don't have a right to add this tirade. But I wrote it, and I believe it, so I'm posting it anyway.

amother

Ecru

Mon, May 13 2024, 12:17 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

Part of what I love about Baltimore is that we're not afraid of people doing things differently than we do, that we're okay with them seeing that people come from different backgrounds and that our job isn't to judge them, it's to find the parts of them that are similar to us, and focus on those instead. And that we can be friends with people regardless of how they dress, or even of what they do, as long as they're respectful and don't try to make us do things we're not comfortable with.

I'm not from Baltimore, but also from a community like this with mixed schools, and I am watching these Baltimore threads like a hawk. I think it's just a matter of time before our schools start this sort of nonsense, with meddling in the home and parent dress codes. I daven that at least all my girls will be finished with eighth grade before it begins here.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, May 13 2024, 12:55 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

I am soooo not worried about it.

We are a very vocal parent body. Lol.

The board of the school is run by parents.

No way we resemble anything close to Lakewood any time in the next 2 decades.

Plus, there will need to be an alternative before the schools get exclusive. So we have TI which is a frummer school than TA. But it wasnt opened until TA was considered too laid back for the more yeshivish boys. And even then, their sisters still go to school with TA boys sisters. (And lately, I am hearing that the parent body in TI is not as yeshivish as it used to be and its becoming more of a mix also). So for BY to get more exclusive, there would need to be a school to accommodate the 800 girls who wouldnt fit in at a more exclusive yeshivish place.

BY does have higher standards than TA. Not gonna lie about that. But its still very much a community school and they know it and we know it.