OMG - AMI story making fun of Imamother!!

amother

Grape

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 6:48 pm

Sweetmommy wrote:

I'm referring to general shalom bayis threads on here.
For example, I got into an argument with dh today. When we discussed it later we were both right and wrong. Had I posted on here you all would've heard my pov only.
Hes a good man bH. And in my moment of anger you all would've commiserated with me. When I was wrong, too.

We're also not judges - despite a tendency some posters have to take on that role.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 7:22 pm

I might be repeating what was said here but I’ll say my piece anyway. I originally, before reading, was all for a funny piece in the style of Imamother. As I was reading, I got such a bad taste from it right away.

I’m from the POV of someone who lots of times uses Imamother as a lifeline. I posted so many times in the shalom bayis section. My husband gaslights me all the time, I don’t know if I’m crazy or not. And Imamother can be a lifeline for me. A sane voice in the darkness.

And Rivas OP sounded like me. “Are you sure I’m not the crazy one?” “Is this normal or not?”

And I did not appreciate that being made into a joke. As someone else posted, maybe the people who laughed were people who never experienced abuse.

Raisin

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:16 pm

I thought it was in very very poor taste to take an extremely serious topic (financial or other abuse) and make a joke of it.

I don't really have an issue that it was very clearly a take on imamother. Its a public website. Even people who are not members will have come across recipe or other public pages. I found the vaccine reference very funny, (the only funny part) but the names were VERY similar so if I were that particular poster, I might be very annoyed (or flattered). I don't really think she was copying a articular thread either - the woman with the yogurt loving son was a different scenario, but probably would have been better to choose a different food item.

But this woman clearly omitted some crucial facts, its pretty odd that a woman would choose to leave her husband when surely she knew she was lying.

I have not read a lot of this authors work but I am beyound horrified that this is what she chooses to make fun of. There are so many legitimate funny things to poke fun at on this website alone, why choose this?

keym

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:37 pm

Ill tell you what bothers me.

There's a narrative that exists among men that women overly exaggerate, scream abuse about every little thing, and are way too easily influenced, so much so that in some communities, women (who have less challenges with shmiras ainayim) are the ones who are restricted the most from internet.
This article just confirms that narrative and adds even more teeth "so and so just left her husband, probably she's being all dramatic about yogurts and salad- remember that Ami story"

There's also a narrative that's being perpetuated among women that ALL of the Aveiros are due to internet and blogs. That if Internet would cease to exist, there would be no more lashon hara, no wasting time, no believing rumors, nothing.
Now I'm not denying that SM makes all this complicated.
But this story, in which the "bad stuff" happens via SM as opposed to the park bench also perpetuated that same narrative to anyone reading.
"Did you hear so and so got divorce, she probably was brought down because of Internet like that story...."

Both play into a "convenient" stereotypical villain (hysterical women or treif internet). And actually just subtly bash all of our integrity.
It felt like lazy storytelling. Tell a story to an audience that they already know.

If she would have posted it here, directly to us, without printing it, a conversation would have likely be had.
Printing in the Ami, in which (I'm guessing) 80% of the readership already is biased this way, feels just like pandering to the readership and attacking the "known villain" instead of opening a thoughtful conversation that may cause change

Just mho

Mommyg8

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:41 pm

keym wrote:

Brilliant post.

amother

Brickred

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 8:48 pm

I responded to the yogurt thread on imamother and I was so disgusted to see my response and many other responses printed in the ami magazine. It was not a story just posts from imamother even with colors for anonymous posters completely copied from the thread word for word. What kind of story is that? If I’m responding to an op I don’t need it printed in the ami story book. I’m really turned off.

sequoia

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 10:52 pm

keym wrote:

Gotta suck up to the patriarchy.

Maybe then they’ll give you a little bit of power.

Oh wait… that never actually works.

amother

Lightpink

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 11:37 pm

The concerns brought up are valid, but ethics aside I thought it was very well done!

Probably not the greatest idea of all times (the heated responses show that) but overall I don't view it as the catastrophe or crime some are making it into.

Ironically, some of the increasingly dramatic responses sound kinda like the premise of the article...

Let's all agree to do better, authors and posters and lurkers alike. Lchaim!

amother

Holly

Mon, Oct 02 2023, 11:52 pm

amother Brickred wrote:

Can you link that thread? I’m having a hard time believing it was copied word for word!

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 12:51 pm

I did not approve of the story but I do find the fact that it was in the ami very funny.

In real life, we are always discussing our entertainment, ami, mishpacha, the Jewish plays that come out (like Rachel's place etc), our instagram accounts etc, but for some reason no one ever discusses imamother.
A poll here once showed that almost no members bring it up in real life (even if we're bemoaning that we waste time online)
And all of a sudden, whoever I was discussing the sukkos mags with, was like "oh you know that website...."

It probably wasn't riva's goal, but I think a 'by-product' was that it showed everyone that everyone else is also on here.

amother

Heather

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 1:29 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

Personally, I dont bring up Imamother partly because of my own posts and Iv posted some thigs that are very close to my heart.

I dont mind to bring it up for recipes or the like but I would not want ppl to know that I use this place to vent.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 1:35 pm

amother Heather wrote:

I totally relate to that. Maybe that's why no-one brings it up?

But all of a sudden, when discussing the stories, I realised that EVERYONE was familiar.

amother

Heather

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 1:47 pm

amother Aubergine wrote:

I mean that in real life I used to think imamother was my little secret community I'd discovered. And now that it was mentioned in the ami, I discovered that everyone I discuss it with is also on the website.

Lol. And I discovered that now that it was in the Ami, No one I mentioned it to had heard of it!!

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 1:52 pm

amother Heather wrote:

Lol. And I discovered that now that it was in the Ami, No one I mentioned it to had heard of it!!

So they didn't understand the story??

Riva must have assumed their will be enough overlap in the ami readership and site members if she did this story.
That's what got me to realise how widespread the website is.

amother

Beige

Tue, Oct 03 2023, 1:54 pm

I think the premise of the satire was clever. I don't think it was plagiarizing any specific threads because many threads follow similar patterns. Pretty much every possible topic has been discussed in the past on a thread or other. And many real threads have descended in a similar fashion, where the original question is no longer the thing being discussed.
The point, imo, Riva was trying to make is that we only know what the op has told us, and we all put our experiences into it. If an op posts about her friendship with another person, a poster who's been through a toxic friendship, or someone who had limerance, they will see that thread through those eyes. And sometimes it might be true, and sometimes the poster is projecting.
And we need to be careful and mindful of the advice we give.
IMO, the main reason people are upset is because she used the idea of an abusive husband, which is something that bothers people. But many other topics aren't available for discussion. Mikva? Never. Children? Well, it might get problematic, especially when we talk about the begetting of children, particularly in regards to intimacy. Friends? Well, it wouldn't have had the same impact.