What would you think if s/o sent you this meal?

Raisin

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 3:10 pm

I can't believe a woman in labour thinks she is obligated to still make a meal for someone. You should never have been asked. shock

You would have been 1000% in the right to explain that you were unbable ot make the promised meal. You should not have had to order pizza or anything. No one would have died.

When I invite people for shabbos the few weeks before I am due I always warn them that of course it might not work out if I go into labour early.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 3:12 pm

The only 'bad' thing we got was partially raw chicken and plain white rice from my SIL... it was the only meal we couldn't eat. Plain white rice would have been okay if there was a chicken with sauce, but the chicken with sauce was bleeding on the inside. We were very hungry that night.

I wasn't sure what to do so just didn't say anything to her about it. I wonder if she realized afterwards...

I don't think a woman in labor giving partially frozen meatballs is a disaster. They could just carry on heating them. Surely they anyway found out you had a baby afterwards? I do think maybe you should have insisted beforehand that you couldn't make the meal.

Simple1

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:08 pm

It's a good idea for women relying on these suppers (or anyone for that matter) to have emergency back up meals in the freezer - either frozen supermarket items - pizza, fries, knishes, fish sticks etc. Or if you're organized, it could be home made.

mha3484

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:14 pm

I think also for those of us reading who have boys we need to make sure that they can cook simple meals at least. Baked chicken, eggs, pasta etc. I am the primary cook but DH has made dinner plenty of times when I couldn't. BH for that or we would eat a lot of take out or be really hungry like the amother above.

zaq

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:15 pm

I would think that the person is a baalat chessed who is not much of a cook, OR found it too hot to cook on that day, OR was asked to provide a meal on the day that is deli day at her house. Furthermore, I would be tickled that she was thoughtful enough to include all paper goods so I didn't have to do dishes afterwards. Why, what would YOU think?

Simple1

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:25 pm

mha3484 wrote:

This too. But even if they didn't learn to cook as boys, men can easily learn to do simple meals.

gp2.0

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:30 pm

Even if a husband can cook, he may not feel like it after working all day. (And being exhausted because the newborn keeps everyone awake, not just mom.)

My DH is a great cook (on Sundays Wink

) but when I'm postpartum he prefers takeout to doing the cooking.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 5:35 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

What?? You were in labor and dropped off spaghetti and meatballs, and your embarrassed?? Yeah, she probably thought it was a little strange, but why not call her one day and say 'hey so a funny story that I never told you...' and then you guys can laugh about it together?? Why in the world would you be humiliated by this? You had a baby coming out of you, for Pete's sake!!

I had a friend cook for me while in labor. She did a home birth! The best meal she ever cooked!

Anonymous because I told everyone. LOL she apologetically mentioned she couldn't drop it off because she gave birth.

Isramom8

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 6:03 pm

One upsetting scenario was not getting a meal I expected, because I'd rather have not waited for it and prepared something simple myself. The other was being given a meal that allowed way too little food per person, leaving me hungry.

In other words, a simple meal, homemade or takeout, fully cooked or par-prepped, is infinitely better than an empty promise.

My family would have found a deli fixings meal creative, fun and a welcome change.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 6:27 pm

My family and I would be thrilled, and I wouldn't care if it was dropped off in a paper bag, either. We're not the "fancy" types, and grateful that anyone would think of us.

Fox brought up an interesting point that bears repeating. Sometimes the early weeks are easier, and the food is really needed in the next few months. Bringing over meals that can be frozen and reheated later is a real blessing.

When I adopted DD, everyone assumed that I didn't need meals because I didn't give birth to her. I didn't really know how to ask back then, so I didn't sign up for any.

Well, kiddo had colic from day 3, and it continued for almost 4 months. I was EBF, and nearly dead from lack of sleep. I don't really remember what I ate, if anything - except for the one friend who brought me a huge container of lentil soup. I'll remember that soup for the rest of my life!

If you "missed the window" of offering meals in the first couple of weeks, but still want to show your support, please contact the new moms after a month or so and see how they are doing with meals. They may be desperate for a break!

CatLady

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 6:39 pm

RB, I love your meal idea, because it's fun and summery. This is perfect food for a sunny June day, and the idea of having picnic food would make me happy! Plus, any leftovers would be great for lunch the next day. Winner winner deli dinner!

mille

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 7:49 pm

I'll be totally honest, when I saw that menu my first thought was "Wow! That's a lot! Maybe overkill, but super duper generous!" It originally wasn't even a thought in my mind that someone might think it's not good enough! Wow! I would be THRILLED if someone gave me all that! Not everyone has the time to cook, and the point is to have dinner ready and not have to worry about it, right? In our community, it's common that most people actually cook, but many also order take out for the family (generally we'll call the family of the new baby in the afternoon and ask what type of food they way, since we are fortunate enough to live near a lot of kosher restaurants!).

I honestly think it's the perfect meal, and now I'm contemplating if I'll have enough time to go out and get deli meat tomorrow for shabbos... Mmm!

piece

Wed, Jun 24 2015, 10:28 pm

I remember when I had my baby, a neighbor (that was part of a group who would be sending my fam supper for a week) brought over pizza, calzones, drinks, paper goods. I remember feeling terrible about this - she paying so much money for us; I could have done the same - I could have ordered the supper & not bother anyone with this. so here this person went out shopping, delivered the food -& brought a variety of cold cuts, salads, fruits, paper goods etc - a lot of thought & time went into this & don't forget money.
it could be, from her experience, when she received home cooked meals - the meals were disastrous; so she figured she would buy!

amother

Orange

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 10:34 am

Our family loves deli! We would have been thrilled to receive a deli platter and sides so much better than some of the home prepared meals people sent us that the children would not touch...children generally are accustomed to their mother's cooking, and every friend and neighbor uses different spices... Send us deli anytime!

ruchelbuckle

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 11:35 am

piece wrote:

See, I was thinking this too, but I guess my line of thinking is why should Mrs. Kimpeturin have to shlep to the store? In our city, we don't have a "one-stop-kosher" market-- you can't get produce at the same store. Also, if she had to do that every night she didn't get a meal, then that would add up--- but for me, it's a one time expense. Also, she just had a baby, so why should she be running around in the heat and humidity? But I didn't just have a baby, so I can pop in at a store on my way home from work....

Well thanks everyone for making me feel better. If I every bring a meal to you, it will probably be chicken, salad, and a grain. Smile

pippy93

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 12:10 pm

Mazala tov on the baby.Everyone is busy between work, family, other responsibilities... someone was nice enough to send you something. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!! What if this person prepares deli and rolls for her family? so then she is treating your family exactly as she treats her family. what if this person doesn't have time to bake/ fry schnitzel and make a kugel.... When my family went through hard times, people were gracious and sent over meals. The kids got sick of bakes ziti and frank furters after 2 months-- but we were kind and thanked all who helped. If you want gourmet food, order in or call a very close friend or relative. iIm sure you are grateful for the meal, but you don't sound like it.

imaima

Thu, Jun 25 2015, 12:15 pm

ra_mom wrote:

I would think the person was really kind to take care of a meal for me!
I do think that presentation makes a big difference in this particular case. If it's delivered in shopping bags or a box I might think that they think I need groceries and they are helping out a chesed case. But if it's sent in a gift bag or basket, with a note that says mazel tov, it would be very well received.

judging by OP's description, she didn't have a chance to pack it up like that.
If I had time for that, I would have had time to cook a meal.