Mitzvah tantz | Imamother

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Mitzvah tantz

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amother

Apricot

Thu, May 24 2018, 7:43 pm

I don't know what clip you are watching - this is recent https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvvJsHpHzhE and I like how everyone is gathered close and the bride is danced before, and not with (she hold the gartel, but doesn't move at all). (also the mixed group is just awesome).

PinkFridge

Thu, May 24 2018, 9:11 pm

crust wrote:

So why not go home?
I am a many times aunt and great aunt. I never stay after dads except on (very) rare occasion.

Any of the ones I've been to, dads have been last.

amother

Blue

Thu, May 24 2018, 9:53 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Any of the ones I've been to, dads have been last.

I should really give crust the chance to explain, but I may as well say it first: As an aunt, she means staying for her dad's, the grandfather of the chosson/kalla, mitzvah tans

honeymoon

Thu, May 24 2018, 10:58 pm

Mitzvah tantz in my circles has come a long way since 10-15 years ago. It used to be a 3 hour live hesped on all the uncles, great uncles, brothers, cousins and whoever else was there with some intermittent "jokes" (to be mekayem simchas chosson vekallah- at 2 am no less! Rolling Eyes

)

But along with all the great chasunah takanos that were implemented in some chassidish circles, the mitzvah tantz was changed to 1-1 1/2 hours of inspiration where uncles and brothers dance for a few minutes without all the over the top, excessive praise.

The badchan then takes the time to extol all the virtues of chosson kallah and their parents, inspiring them in the most beautiful way to daven for the future and thank Hashem for the past. It elevates the whole wedding experience. Its incredible.
And yes, I've seen those videos of weddings where chosson kallah took the whole concept of mitzvah tantz and turned it into an aveirah tantz. Those clips do not represent all chassidim. They're usually the ones who have rejected chassidus.
The reason we generally don't see the many aidel, beautiful mitzvah tantzs on u-tube and other venues is because it wouldn't dawn on the ones in attendance to send it viral! Its a tznius and kadosh minhag.

shiaeisen

Thu, May 24 2018, 11:09 pm

amother wrote:

Ok, she just walks slowly, it still seems untznius

Oy. What’s untzniusdig about it???

amother

Smokey

Thu, May 24 2018, 11:48 pm

shiaeisen wrote:

Oy. What’s untzniusdig about it???

The fact that thousands of men are standing there watching

simba

Fri, May 25 2018, 12:02 am

I thought we had a unwritten rule that we are not going to pass judgment on other groups? You can respectfully ask what is the significance but to say it's untznius when someone is dressed in the equivalent of a freakin burka and standing in one place is simply ridiculous. Even in Iran she would be considered an eidel Maidel.

amother

Apricot

Fri, May 25 2018, 12:07 am

amother wrote:

The fact that thousands of men are standing there watching

Men looking at a modestly dress woman walk isn't untsnious. (as someone else said - no one seems to have an issue with the chuppah - the veil eventually comes off)

And one would hope the kallah is too busy feeling how special the moment is that Rabbonim are dancing in front of her, to block out the fact that there is an audience.

amother

Puce

Fri, May 25 2018, 2:30 am

I think regular Mitzvah Tanzes are fine. I disagree with the big Rabbanim having them.

EXPLANATION.

1. I'm a regular litvish girl, but my best friend is chassidish and has a mitzvah tanz. Thee were maybe 20 people there, it's very small, very inspiring, and personal. All extended relatives leave except for the really close ones, such as the grandparents, a family or two of cousins that they are very close to, and the kalla had only 3 friends stay.

2. It's not about the tzniyus, I saw the video and according to YWN it was at 2am. This is a girl who met her husband maybe 3 or 4 times. It's 2AM! She looks scared, tired, hungry, she's probably 17 standing there awkwardly in front of a massive crowd of only men. Let the new couple go home already! I can imagine how overwhelmed she feels...

veiznisht

Fri, May 25 2018, 2:31 am

honeymoon wrote:

...
The reason we generally don't see the many aidel, beautiful mitzvah tantzs on u-tube and other venues is because it wouldn't dawn on the ones in attendance to send it viral! Its a tznius and kadosh minhag.

This is a very good point. My MT was such a high by our wedding. One of the men was tearing up while dancing, it's very intense. I davened 90% of the thing I would have been horrified if someone posted such a private thing on youtube...

Any claims about tznius issues must be coming from ppl who have only seen modernishe mt(they probably don't care if it isn't tznius) or the big rebbish ones but that's mostly misunderstanding.

Other points: my family specifically told the badchen he had very limited time and to make grammen snappy or he'd be cut off. XD

ChossidMom

Fri, May 25 2018, 5:13 am

I don't come from a Chassidish family and I married a Chossid. We had a small mitzva tanz and it was so beautiful. I also didn't know I wasn't supposed to dance so I waltzed away with my dad a"h and loved every minute of it. As the years have passed I have been to many very holy mitzva tanz that all had the badchan with the grammen. They always start late, after most of the guests leave and only family remains. It's a very holy and spiritual time and auspicious for davening. Very. What I've seen on Youtube with brides and Chassidishe husbands slow dancing does NOT constitute mitzva tanz and is in no way holy. Keeping real tradition is.

Ruchel

Fri, May 25 2018, 8:03 am

What's recent? Heck, chassidus is recent.
What's tznius? If the rabbis are ok with it, let's not be more machmir.
It's so beautiful

amother

Blush

Fri, May 25 2018, 10:09 am

The mitzvah tantz was the most beautiful, emotional, spiritual part of my wedding. I miss it. I have a video from it. And all the grammen and dancing I have on a usb stick and I listed to it. It's so so nice. Can't get enough of it. Someone that never heard of it can't understand how special this is for us. I "danced" with my chosen. Both after it was like jom Kippur for us, Holly clean of aveiros. (After we both went to the mikvah) it's said that it's such a holy moment that the shchina dances with them and they can poil big jeshuos. We say "we dance once a life for our life" (meaning we daven for our life).

Oh and the fact that it takes so long... that's everyone's personal choice. We made our mitzvah tantz 'short' and to the point (about 1,5 hour)

And to all of you that never saw a mitzvah tantz I wanto tell two things.
1. mitzvah tantz is only for the immediate family (except by a rebbisch wedding)
2. The kalle is absolutely not alone between man. She sits with her chosen. Behind them sit all the ladies. They sit and every time after the badchen finishes grammen about someone the kalle dances mitzvah dance. For example: the badchan sings about the grandfather then the grandmother. Everyone wipes their tears and the kalle dances with the grandfather. Then the chosen dances with the grandfather. Then all man dance with grandfather. After that everyone sits down and the grammen starts again about a different family member.
It's so special to give everyone their attention and make everyone feel special.
It's not about being mesameach chossen vkalle. Rather about a holy moment where everyone davens and all the neshamas are there and they dance with them. It's a highly emotional time

crust

Fri, May 25 2018, 10:31 am

amother wrote:

It's so special to give everyone their attention and make everyone feel special.
It's not about being mesameach chossen vkalle. Rather about a holy moment where everyone davens and all the neshamas are there and they dance with them. It's a highly emotional time

Grammen should be only about the bolded. It started out as that.

It used to be called a Marshalik. He was paid to come and be misameach Chassan and Kallah during the wedding and then, by the way, he said ok ok lets go mechutan- father of the chassan come dance with the kallah... and now yamod father of the kallah come dance with your daughter. Lchaim Lchaim.

He said nothing about the father's job history or the tyre mothers lecht becnchen... And definitely nothing about uncle shmerels tzedakah vchesed blabla.

The actual Mitzvah Tantz is and always was a very derhoibene thing but apparently, in de alte heim, nobody had to be reminded about the derhoibenkeit and about the neshamaos from gen eiden just like you dont have to be reminded about that when you stand by a Chuppah. Smile

chocolatecake

Fri, May 25 2018, 10:31 am

The one thing that I don't understand about the mitzva tanz is why is it okay for the chosson and kallah to hold hands in public...

amother

Wheat

Fri, May 25 2018, 10:34 am

chocolatecake wrote:

The one thing that I don't understand about the mitzva tanz is why is it okay for the chosson and kallah to hold hands in public...

Chassidim also hold hands when leaving the chuppah and when entering the ballroom for dancing. This is the minhag.

Ruchel

Fri, May 25 2018, 10:56 am

chocolatecake wrote:

The one thing that I don't understand about the mitzva tanz is why is it okay for the chosson and kallah to hold hands in public...

Because they're married and she's tahor.

ChossidMom

Fri, May 25 2018, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

THIS, THIS, THIS! I was told that the mitzva tanz is considered to be a more holy time than the chuppah. Pretty wild, eh? And the whole holding hands between chosson and kallah in front of everyone - pretty hard to understand, right? But Chassidim are very big into tradition. If it's traditional (and yes, I know chassidus has "only" been around since the 18th century) there is a good and holy reason for it.
This reminds me of certain people who have decided that it's not right to say "mazel tov" when the chosson breaks the glass because it's supposedly a sober moment when we remember the Beis Hamikdash. So at these weddings you don't hear "mazel tov". But it's the Jewish tradition to say "mazel tov" when the chosson breaks the glass and it''s been done for generations. And so it should continue.
What appears to us, with our limited ability to perceive alot of things, is not always the way it really is. It may appear untznius that a chosson and kalla hold hands when they dance. But apparently it's not. Pretty wild concept.

chocolatecake

Fri, May 25 2018, 11:10 am

Ruchel wrote:

Because they're married and she's tahor.

If you would never do it any other day again, why is it okay at the wedding?

pause

Fri, May 25 2018, 11:21 am

chocolatecake wrote:

If you would never do it any other day again, why is it okay at the wedding?

Well, would your husband put a ring on your finger in public any other day? Not mine.
Would you wear a solid white dress any other day? Not I.
Would you stand in public with a veil? I wouldn't.
Would you ever kiss your husband locked in a room while two people are standing outside, knowing what you're doing there and waiting for you to finish? Not I.

I think I made my point.

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