The importance of boys over girls

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Tefila

Tue, Sep 20 2005, 7:55 pm

They r both great 2 have. since if you play your cards right so I've heard. A boy is a son till he finds a wife, a girl is a daughter for the rest of your life Wink

TzenaRena

Tue, Sep 20 2005, 8:06 pm

stem wrote:

SaraYehudis, Sounds like you are saying a girl is fine, but only in the context of having many boys afterwards which the girl can help raise and influence. Confused

Not ONLY in that context. Girls have their intrinsic maalos, of which that is just one aspect.

Motek

Tue, Sep 20 2005, 8:28 pm

Rivka wrote:

Motek do I see you raising your hand to volounteer???

I looked around a little bit but it's not easy since if you put "boy girl" in the Search feature, it's not that helpful!

hardwrknmom

Tue, Sep 20 2005, 8:42 pm

freilich wrote:

They r both great 2 have. since if you play your cards right so I've heard. A boy is a son till he finds a wife, a girl is a daughter for the rest of your life Wink

Freilich you're absolutely right about that!

Pearl

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 4:17 am

micki, I am in total shock from that story! I cannot believe a rav, mashpia, social services - no one got involved! and they are living in a basement, being abused - it's just too awful to even think about! I really hope anyone will get police or any other institution involved, because this is abuse and it should be stopped!

Rivka

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 6:55 pm

If you have no sons to say kaddish for you, then your son in laws say kaddish on their wive's behalf.

proudmom

Wed, Sep 21 2005, 7:02 pm

or the person could pay someone else to do it too.

stem

Wed, Oct 05 2005, 10:57 pm

Someone was just telling a story about a couple who didn't have childeren for 4 years. Finally they had a baby, a girl. The person who told the story said it like this: "B"H they had a baby, but it wasn't a boy, it was a girl." Everyone hearing this story was like "Oh, well."

I was a bit surprised that everyone was not embarassed to clearly show their dissapointment in the story's ending.

cindy324

Wed, Oct 05 2005, 11:06 pm

This upsets me every time. This couple is probably so happy that they finally had a baby, never mind the gender, people are so infuriating sometimes

happymom

Wed, Oct 05 2005, 11:39 pm

what I think is REALLY wierd and rude is when a husband tells the wife that he wants her to have a boy! Thank g-d my husband isnt like that!! But I know people who are! I once heard someones husband saying it better be a boy and then laugh that I dont think thats funny at all and that he shouldnt tell his wife that because how is she suppose to feel if she has a girl!!

sarahd

Thu, Oct 06 2005, 4:35 am

How she's supposed to feel? Completely innocent, as the gender of the child has absolutely nothing to do with the mother. If the child is a girl, it's the father's "fault", so he can just go ahead and kick himself.

Mandy

Thu, Oct 06 2005, 6:32 am

Quote:

BTW, my husband told me (and I think it was previously mentioned on the forum) that the reason you daven for boys is that they have more mitzvos and learn more Torah

Okay and so ? Wouldn't we daven for girls because they transmit our religion, raise Jewish children etc. ? Am I just understanding this all wrong ?

Thu, Oct 06 2005, 2:17 pm

I just gave birth to my 5th girl K"ah.
While I was pregnant, everytime I went out with my girls, I got tons of comments about how this one is going to be a boy - or 'this one better be a boy' etc (little did they know that I was hoping for another little girl)
and I haven't heard any negative comments since I gave birth

chanala

Fri, Oct 07 2005, 12:21 am

Mandy wrote:

Quote:

BTW, my husband told me (and I think it was previously mentioned on the forum) that the reason you daven for boys is that they have more mitzvos and learn more Torah

Okay and so ? Wouldn't we daven for girls because they transmit our religion, raise Jewish children etc. ? Am I just understanding this all wrong ?

Well, I wanted my first to be a girl so desperately because my mom (my dear, beloved mom, may her memory always be for a blessing) passed away just over a year before our daughter was born, and I wanted so badly to be mother to a girl just as my mother was (I was her only child)... and Hashem answered my prayers Smile

And then He did it again with #2 - I just prayed for a healthy baby!

Honestly, I do get a bit riled with the perception that boys are favored (except maybe in the family that has 4 boys first). It's great that boys can learn mitzvot and Torah, but who are they gonna be fruitful and multiply with??!! Wink

This link was posted in another thread, and it's loooong, but it's good reading, and food for thought!

http://www.orot.com/nkevah.html

raizy

Sat, Oct 08 2005, 9:12 pm

mikki u better get involved . first of all u moved so he wont suspect that u did something. second off all after discussing this distressing issue with my husband he said all fei halacha u have to report him right away to police and social services. and to the rabbiam who will listhen to u and do some good. u can not let the poor children get hurt and harmed all their life.

doesnt the children go to school cant u get the school involved?? beleive u me if u would tell the the name and adrress of this person I would call the police for u and have them make a surprise vist to them...

for the sake of the children DO SOMETHING!!

RachelB

Wed, Oct 26 2005, 11:46 pm

We have 2 boys and people make comments like:"Next one should be a girl, Nu, when are you starting on girls, The boys need a sister","Your husband should daven for a girl" etc. all the time.
Even my oldest (5 year old) is asking for a sister now :-)
So, I guess it works both ways. (doesn't matter what you have, people "feel bad" for you)

chen

Thu, Oct 27 2005, 2:28 pm

GRRRR! This one gets me so mad I could...whatever. Never underestimate the capacity of people for tactlessness and sheer stupidity. One's only concern should be that the baby be healthy. Boy or girl, what's the diff?

how is a mother supposed to feel when there's a big hoopla over a boy, a shalom zachar, a bris, sometimes even a pidyon, and for a girl...zip. nada. zilch. Suppose you have twins, a boy and a girl--and the party is just for the boy. Is that a slap in the face or what?

am probably "preaching to the choir" as the expression goes, but people, THINK before you speak. A new parent gets a "Mazal tov, how wonderful, have lots of nachas" and that's IT! No editorial comments, jocular or otherwise, please, and certainly no condolences, for crying out loud. (if it's a ninth boy, do not mention having their own baseball team--they've heard it before and it is no longer funny.)

For those mothers of daughters who have suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous comments from ignorant people: it could be worse. You could have been married to Henry VIII.

proudmom

Thu, Oct 27 2005, 2:36 pm

I didnt read the entire thread , here is my mho.

I feel that people she be happy with whatever Hashem blessed them with because there is a lot of couples that have a hard time having children. They would be happy with what hashem gave them if it was a boy or a girl. Just be thankful.

Raisin

Sun, Nov 06 2005, 3:38 pm

I had two girls first and no one made any comments!!!! Although with my first baby I worked in a sephardi school while pregnant.........I would get asked "How is the baby boy doing?" All the mothers would tell me I was having a boy.. All were wrong! I had this lovely Jewish midwife and my husband waited outside during delivery. As soon as the baby was born she told him "It's a goyel - cancel the mohel!!!"

to fulfil the mitzva of peru urevu you need one girl and one boy (who have one boy and one girl of their own)

But I'm sure Hashem doesn't punish you if all He gave you was 10 boys or 10 girls - you certainly tried your best!!!!

So there is no extra mitzva to have boys over girls.

I always feel kind of bad for the couples in these miracle stories who land up with a baby boy. Both are wonderful, but (maybe since I am a woman) girls are something special.

I know many non frum couples who have their two kids and don't seem bothered if they are both the same gender. I guess for them new cars and expensive holidays take priority over trying again! Can't understand that. Both boys and girls are so wonderful - how could you want to miss out on one of them if you have the choice!!!!

I have one friend who just had her third son. She refused to find out the gender while pregnant. She said: If I found out now it's a boy I will have all these negative feelings. But once it's born, whatever it is I will love it.

1stimer

Sun, Nov 06 2005, 4:35 pm

Someone I know had a baby girl after 6 years of marriage, a chasidish guy went up to the father in the hospital and said 'you had a girl, I wish you a nechama'...

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