I get overwhelmed and ghost my clients

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amother

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 11:19 am

scruffy wrote:

How is this helpful to OP? She already knows that it is unprofessional and wants to stop doing it.

As another woman with inattentive ADHD, I really relate to this scenario.

Thanks for this. That comment was just mean 🤷‍♀️

amother

Impatiens

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 11:31 am

Omg are you me?! My husband jokes that the reason I'm considered top of my field is because it's so hard to get through to me so I "must be the one to go to" I mean clearly I'm that busy Can't Believe It

gr82no

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 11:50 am

I think you have to be careful. You don’t want clients to say that it’s hard to get in touch with you because ppl are less likely to use you do you hear that.
I leave messages unread if I still need to respond. I read them and then mark them as unread so I go back to it

amother

Impatiens

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 11:59 am

I think she realizes that, it's a huge struggle though. Iydkydk

amother

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 12:10 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

I think she realizes that, it's a huge struggle though. Iydkydk

Yup.
I probably have close to 20k unread emails. Its insanity.

amother

Purple

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 12:11 pm

You can set up automatic reply on emails to say something along the lines of thank you for getting in touch. We aim to respond to all emails within 2 working days. Or whatever works for you. Then they've had an email, which gives them a timeframe.

imaima

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 12:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Looks like I misunderstood what ghosting means. I thought ghosting is ignoring clients for a bit and then coming back to them. That's what I do when my anxiety gets the better of me, im not ghosting them forever.

You are not wrong
Regardless of what happened on your end, it looks the same for the client.
You may feel like your trauma is an excuse but it triggers the client‘s trauma response too. They may have a feeling of abandonment and doom

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 12:49 pm

gr82no wrote:

Right. Reminds me of a certain service in a house I tried reaching so many times but never got through so I used someone else. I heard from others, including on this forum, that she’s very hard to reach. She never met me so she can’t say I’m a hard client. She’s definitely losing business by being hard to reach.

nechamashifra

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 7:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

Funny thing is I'm considered one of the top in my field, and clients love dealing with me. It's more like I ghost a select few that are difficult working with, since those are really the ones that overhwelm me.

Instead of ghosting them why don't you just tell them you're not a good match and send them recommendations to businesses better suited to their needs?

amother

Daisy

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 10:04 pm

Why would this be inattentive adhd? Dh does this too, I thought it’s a communication issue.

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 10:18 pm

amother Daisy wrote:

Why would this be inattentive adhd? Dh does this too, I thought it’s a communication issue.

. Because no one wants to admit to being lazy or disorganized or a poor communicator. It's much more comforting to claim you have (undiagnosed!) ADHD or some other politically correct disorder.

With no disrespect intended towards those who really do struggle with AD(H)D, executive functioning disorders or learning disabilities. They have my wholehearted sympathy. But there are always people who find such conditions a convenient excuse for not doing what they don't feel like doing. Unlike diabetes or hypercholesterolemia, these conditions can't be proven or disproven with a blood test.

amother

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 10:30 pm

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

Uhm. Do you know me? Do you know how my executive functioning is? Because let me tell you, I check off every box of inattentive adhd symptoms. It's undiagnosed because I cant get my act together to actually get myself diagnosed (hello, adhd).

This comment was totally uncalled for.

amother

NeonOrange

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 10:32 pm

I totally relate.

For me it’s a trauma response when a project / client is triggering.

I don’t have a solution - currently have 2 clients I’ve been actively avoiding. I wish there was a way out.

rgr

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 10:46 pm

People who don't struggle with this literally can't understand.

Just do this or just do that... If it were so simple for me to do that I would have done it already!

amother

Eggshell

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 10:51 pm

Op I totally relate and I’m the same way with friends and family. It’s embarrassing.
Just curious how did you get to the top of your field like that? I can’t seem to get anywhere period

amother

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 11:48 pm

amother NeonOrange wrote:

Same here

Both of them border on being verbally abusive, I simply can't deal with them

amother

Thu, Apr 27 2023, 11:52 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

Op I totally relate and I’m the same way with friends and family. It’s embarrassing.
Just curious how did you get to the top of your field like that? I can’t seem to get anywhere period

Mostly talent which is a huge gift that I'm eternally grateful for, and some determination.
Funny thing with adhd is that you can sit and do things you enjoy for hours on end. I enjoy doing the actual work, I just hate dealing with crazy people which leads to me ignoring them.

amother

Pansy

Sun, Apr 30 2023, 5:46 am

Over the past year I bought a house and did renovations and TONS of service providers ghosted me at various stages. Some never responded to my initial inquiries, some started talking to me and then dropped off the radar, some I had to hound for weeks to come over and make a small fix and I never would have chose them if I new they were so hard to get through to.

I'm telling you this because :
1. You're not the only one. Clearly this is common.
2. It would be most helpful to the clients and yourself if you "dumped" them as soon as they started causing you stress.

As soon as you identify that a client is starting to do something that makes you want to ghost them, try and figure out what your off ramp is.
If you don't have anything you owe them it's easy, you just need a script:
Hi X, so glad you reached out to me. Unfortunately my plate is full right now and I won't be able to give you the level of service I stand behind. I'd recommend reaching out to X or Y, who do great work. All the best!
It's OK to turn away business if you end up spinning your wheels on them and wasting time and mental energy. For clients you like you probably work twice as fast and easily keep focused, right?

If you're in the middle of work with them and you have to continue the back and forth to finish their project... Well I'd say prioritize finishing them so you can get them out of your life ASAP, but that's easier said than done, as a fellow ghoster. But maybe if you prioritize getting them out you'll be more focused on what you have to do?

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Apr 30 2023, 6:42 am

amother OP wrote:

I know it's unprofessional, I just can't help it sometimes! It's insane, that's why I wanted to know if I'm the only one doing this

I also do it, hate it, so embarrassing, I'm really trying to change.

amother

Dustypink

Sun, Apr 30 2023, 7:15 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes exactly. Im too overwhelmed when they're messaging me, and can't answer right then and there. Then a few hours later I forget and don't answer till they follow up, which is embarrassing.

I do the exact same thing. I also have undiagnosed adhd. It’s a real problem

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