Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
Overwhelmed with kids



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 6:27 pm
I’m so sick of parenting, of never having a min to myself, always a kid on my lap, always sharing my food and stuff, the sheer amount of noise, the fighting. I’m pregnant with number 6 and can’t cope with the kids I do have, felt very pressured by my husband and rav to have another but that’s a diff story. I feel like this is not talked about in our communities, we just have a million kids and are expected to cope. When I was young and idealistic I wanted a big family but now I see it’s so hard For me and I really don’t feel like a person. And my husband can’t understand how I did a 180 from wanting lots of kids (when dating we talked abt a big family) to not wanting anymore now or ever.
my kids are growing up with a burnt out exhausted mother who has no patience. It’s not fair to them and I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Yes I’m on meds to help with my adhd and depression. But you can’t medicate hard circumstances. There I said it, wondering if any of you relate
Back to top

amother
Dimgray


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 6:29 pm
I'm sorry that sounds really hard.

And not sure why anyone else should be pressuring you to have kids when you are the one raising them.
Back to top

happy chick




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 6:32 pm
Oy, that's hard. But keep your eye on the goal. They will all eventually grow up and become independent adults. I know it seems like that's way far off, but the day will come. It's hard to enjoy every day when you're struggling to keep your head above water, but for the time being cut yourself slack wherever you can.
Back to top

amother
Alyssum


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 6:37 pm
I only have 4 and I feel the same way. I also have a chronic pain condition which flares up with stress so you can imagine my days...
I've thought a lot about it and decided that I'm done and my husband agrees (he's a Rav not sure if that makes a diff). I still feel inadequate seeing a bunch of women/teachers at my kids school who are pregnant with their 6/7/8 or more.
Back to top

amother
Burgundy


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 6:44 pm
Six children is a big family. I hope you can be more assertive after this baby is born. Bshaah tova!
Back to top

tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 7:22 pm
Prioritize help at home to get through the next few years. That’s what I’m doing while my kids are little so I don’t lose my mind
Back to top

amother
Birch


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 7:26 pm
I totally get you.
Back to top

BrachaVHatzlocha




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 7:35 pm
When kids need our attention, things can get overwhelming. But hopefully things will settle down with time. Older ones can help with younger ones. But most importantly: make time for yourself!! You need to get out, an exercise class, coffee with a friend, date night with hubby, even just a walk in the neighborhood. So important to take care of yourself physically and get enough sleep, etc.
May Hashem always give you strength !!
Back to top

amother
Olive


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 7:37 pm
How old is your oldest?

For me, it got easier as my kids got older and became interesting and independent people. I was also somewhat overwhelmed in the earlier years, now I’m so happy to have a full home. I did go on BC when I needed a little breather, and then wanted more when things settled.

It’s truly exhausting having many little ones! Cut yourself some slack in other ways - lower the dinner/cleaning standards, focus on keeping your home happy and healthy. Take care of yourself and teach your husband how to best help you. Let him spoil you a bit so you can be a better mother for the kids. And they are his kids too- don’t be afraid to ask for his help and be open about your overwhelm.

Now that I have older teens (and kids of all ages under them too) I’m a much, much happier mother. I have 7 now, bli ayin hara, and I really hope to have another one or two before I hit menopause.
Back to top

amother
Bisque


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 7:40 pm
tichellady wrote:
Prioritize help at home to get through the next few years. That’s what I’m doing while my kids are little so I don’t lose my mind


Honestly easier said than done. I had a live in for a while that was the only time I felt like I could manage. Since Covid the prices went up and it’s impossible to find- so I quit my job and I’m treading water.
Back to top

amother
Poppy


 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 7:46 pm
I have 4 kids and feel the same way. sometimes I lie in bed and just listen to the silence and I wish it would go on forever. obviously I adore my kids but it's never ending noise and touch and needs.
Back to top

tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 21 2024, 7:54 pm
amother Bisque wrote:
Honestly easier said than done. I had a live in for a while that was the only time I felt like I could manage. Since Covid the prices went up and it’s impossible to find- so I quit my job and I’m treading water.


Definitely easier said than done. Agree with that. But so is having 6 kids! I hope you can find a good solution
Back to top

amother
Sapphire


 

Post Mon, Apr 22 2024, 1:00 am
amother OP wrote:
I’m so sick of parenting, of never having a min to myself, always a kid on my lap, always sharing my food and stuff, the sheer amount of noise, the fighting. I’m pregnant with number 6 and can’t cope with the kids I do have, felt very pressured by my husband and rav to have another but that’s a diff story. I feel like this is not talked about in our communities, we just have a million kids and are expected to cope. When I was young and idealistic I wanted a big family but now I see it’s so hard For me and I really don’t feel like a person. And my husband can’t understand how I did a 180 from wanting lots of kids (when dating we talked abt a big family) to not wanting anymore now or ever.
my kids are growing up with a burnt out exhausted mother who has no patience. It’s not fair to them and I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Yes I’m on meds to help with my adhd and depression. But you can’t medicate hard circumstances. There I said it, wondering if any of you relate

I hope this is not invalidating, but I think you are demanding too much of yourself.

I have more kids than you, and I always go to the bathroom myself (I can count on my fingers the times I let a kid in the bathroom with me, and they were never in my house). I will lock myself in my room if I need space. I almost never eat with a kid on my lap. I don't share most of my food. I keep a stash of chocolate even when our grocery budget is very tight.

Maybe it's mean of me to take showers and not let anyone in, to say that this is my food and I am not sharing. But by having my boundaries I am able to be a person and not get so overwhelmed with the kids. (Of course I get overwhelmed at times, every mother does, but I don't feel like it's my primary emotion.)

You should not feel guilty for losing patience. You should feel guilty for not taking more breaks.

You should not feel guilty for being exhausted. You should feel guilty for not prioritizing your sleep.

If the noise gets too much, walk out of the room. Put in headphones. Don't referee all the fights.

You may have a messier house, simpler suppers, and a bigger laundry mountain. But you will be happier overall if you give yourself space to be a little more selfish. And your kids will have a much better mother.
Back to top

amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sun, May 12 2024, 12:19 pm
I just saw an email from Jewishworkshops, looks like they are doing a free intro class on mom burnout with Dr. Ilyssa Bass. Maybe it will be helpful for you?
https://jewishworkshops.lpages.....ntro/
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Summer Camps for Elementary kids in RBS 19 Today at 12:25 am View last post
[ Poll ] Student biting and pulling kids hair
by amother
18 Yesterday at 9:03 pm View last post
Kids in camp fund
by amother
9 Yesterday at 3:18 pm View last post
Moms who work 9-5 with preschool age kids..
by amother
7 Yesterday at 5:29 am View last post
Kids Dental 18th Avenue
by amother
3 Sun, May 26 2024, 4:20 pm View last post