How do you survive the first year?

mommy7

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 6:05 pm

My twins are 8 wks old. I have KaH, many other kids. During the day it's manageable, although I find myself doing everything while holding at least 1 baby, but in the evenings, with supper, bathtime, homework AND twincare, I just don't have enough hands or enough patience. Sometimes my poor kids are starving when they come home from school, but supper isn't even made yet, or I have to feed the babies first.

Am I seriously mismanaging my life? Or does everyone with twins just have a crazy house for a while?

BinahYeteirah

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 6:16 pm

Wow, it sounds like you are doing a great job!

I can't imagine not having an at least slightly crazy house with any number of 8-week-olds. No twins here, but my house was definitely not a well-oiled machine 8 weeks postpartum ever. If that is how it is with singletons, you are amazing that you don't feel crazed during the day, too.

Maybe you could hire some kind of help for those crazy evening hours? Is your dh still out of the house at that time? It is only natural that you'd need some extra help.

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 6:37 pm

How did I survive the first year with twins and other kids, too, k'ah? With as much help as I could afford, and then some. It sounds like you are doing a phenomenal job already, but perhaps getting paid or volunteered help during the dinner/bedtime hours would be a good idea.

someone613

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 8:42 pm

I have twins but they are my first.. I would say definetly get as much help as you can.. even if it's a babysitter during the day so you can rest/prepare dinner, or a babysitter at night so you can help with the older kids or some of both. if you have any specific quesitons on the twins feel free to ask.. the first few months are crazy..

Motheroftwins

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 8:51 pm

I also have twins who are my firsts....It sounds like you need some extra help, either with the twins during the day so you can get stuff done around the house, or get someone to help with the babies in the evening so that you can focus on the older kids. Ask around if any school girls are looking for Chessed hours. Ask friends if they know of anyone, or woud want to help themselves. Do you live near any family? Are you in the NY area?

mommy7

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 9:40 pm

I just want someone to tell me it's okay to serve macaroni for supper ten times a week. Including shabbos. And when my daughter's bus comes in the morning before I have time to make her hair, people won't cross my kids off their shidduch list.

anonymom

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 9:44 pm

mommy7 wrote:

Totally OK to serve macaroni 10 times a week. And you are at the top of my shidduch list. You sound like you are handling this challenge as well as anyone could.

Annie

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 10:14 pm

one day at a time. The most important advice I got was not to be embarrased to ask for help. You need to find some older girls (can be as young as 6tg grade) to come over just to hold a baby. That was the best help that we had.

The fact that you are making supper at all, and that you notice that you dd'd hair isn't done is amazing to me. You're doing great at 8 weeks. How old is your dd?

MetroMom

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 10:18 pm

I have two sets of twins and let me tell you that cereal and milk can be served for both breakfast and dinner on the same day if it helps you get through the day. eggs and toast, mac and cheese, sandwiches,.... these are all legitimate meals for young kids. They all have some form of carbs and protein in them. Do not even begin to feel even remotely guilty or bad for that. On the contrary you should feel great. You sound like a wonderful mom. You are juggling an enormous amount of responsibility. I can only tell you this. I promise you that it gets easier. Alot easier. At about 18 months it is a world of a difference! Even way before that, but I'd say that by then the changes are fully set in. I did this twice. My kids are still young but they are over the initial phases and it is alot easier in that sense. Every stage has their hardships. But once you can sleep at night and you don't have to carry them throughout the day it's a different story. B"H my kids are 8 and 5...they're still young but they're sleeping through the night and they're trained.....it's a whole different world now! We made it through the hard parts....

mommy7

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 11:29 pm

Whew. Thanks for the support, everyone. Glad to hear my kids still have a decent shot at getting married.

I do have a 12 yr old that comes 2X a wk to help. School girls are great, but they always have things like tests, productions, dance practice, shabbaton committee, yearbook, and I find they are a little unreliable.

I'm not so worried about the twins, I doubt they'll be scarred for life because I let them scream for a 1/2 hr while I made supper, but it's the other kids. I hope they don't end up resenting these 2 loud, mommy-stealing creatures.

And I think DH is at the breaking point. Both babies were screaming. he got this desperate, wild look in his eyes and told me he had to go outside to shovel snow. At 10pm.

(My dd with the messy hair is 3).

mummy-bh

Thu, Dec 24 2009, 12:29 am

Bamentch wrote:

ur doing amazing!!

Agree!

When my twins were born I also had a houseful of others, BH. Off the top of my head, here's what kept us going:

- make easy food. if it takes longer to cook it than it does to eat it, dont bother.
- even small kids can help with the babies. my then 4 y.o used to look forward to giving a bottle
- my oldest was 10, and I didn't let even her hold the babies but gave all the kids various jobs in caring for them anyway. everyone got small household jobs as well. (no, they didn't complain! they thrived on the responsibility. it's all in the marketing Wink

)
- I got as much outside help as I was offered, and those who asked me generally what they could do to help I gave a task to, eg please go to the store and buy me x
- make sure you see, or at least talk on the phone to, another adult at least once a day
- disposables disposables disposables. even pots if necessary
- (nothing terrible will happen if one day one of your kids has to wear the same underwear two days running, but don't tell anyone I told you! Tongue Out

)
- smile, breathe and take lots of pictures. this time goes very quickly. I always think that the days pass so slowly, but the months pass faster!