I need a punishment for a 4 yr old

micki

Tue, May 23 2006, 7:53 am

please help me think of a punishment for a 4 yr old boy, who knows bettter. he unplugged his lamp, brought it into his bed, and broke the lightbulb. he doesn not listne to anything I say. I told him to stay in his bed till morning, (this happened at 4:30) and by the time I got up (before 7) he was out making more trouble.
time out does not cut it. I won't smack him, I need a serious punishment for him.
please help.

Tefila

Tue, May 23 2006, 9:48 am

Quote:

please help me think of a punishment for a 4 yr old boy, who knows bettter. he unplugged his lamp, brought it into his bed, and broke the lightbulb. he doesn not listne to anything I say

and

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and do I punish the 3 yr old too? even though he is only the folower, he does everything the 4 yr old says to do

Perhaps seperate then tonight or send him to his room earlier make bed time earlier.Or No storytime or how about removing some other things from his room since obviously you can say you don't want them since you don't listen you don't get to have them, show me you r a good listener tonight and perhaps tommorrow we will talk again.

Btw Boys like experimenting, dissecting, exploring, which In our terms sometimes = Destroying Confused

Hatzlacha this too shall pass Wink

morningstar

Tue, May 23 2006, 12:06 pm

Realistically, it is going to be a while before your (active) son stops doing things like this.
I would remove the lamp from his room until he is older, because the risk of harm from the broken glass is high.
re: punishment (or, to use the PC term, consequences)-- here are three kinds I often use at that age ( you can use 1, 2, or all 3 together):
1- removal of a privilege ( guess we won't be going to the park today)
2- natural consequence ( guess there is no more lamp in this room; removal of all fragile/easily broken toys to a higher shelf)
3) opportunity for restitution: Mommy would like you to help sweep up the room/put a new sheet on the bed or whatever chore you decide. Kids like a chance to work off guilt.

And remember that at this age, the only thing that will really make an impression is what you do in the first hour or two after the incident. If you take away fragile toys for six months, he is not feeling punished for six months-- you are doing it because you feel he is not yet ready to handle this responsibility. When you bring back the fragile stuff, do it one object at a time, with a reminder of what happened the last time.
A

micki

Tue, May 23 2006, 12:14 pm

thanks- I am at my wits end with him. K"H he is a very bright curious boy. HOWEVER he just does not think things thru!
after I posted this, I went back to the comp and discovered that he had unplugged all the cables to the comp- he redid the plugs to the phone too- plugged them in to the comp.
the phone was not working and I could not figure out why!
it took until now to get it all hooked up, plus he prob did something to the modem it took hours to fix the prob.
when I asked him why he did this, he tells me that he wanted to plug in the new mouse.
and the kicker is that he did manage to plug it in!

so a friend wanted to come today, and I told him no because its a punishment.
I also took away his computer privlegaes for today. and I told the teacher in school that he cannot use it there either. (when I told him no computer he said he does not care, he can play in school. and then I said no school so he says, but I can play tomorrow? I said yes, so he says fine.)
I want him to cry! I want him to be angry these privleages were revoked, but he is so cool he does not care!

amother

Tue, May 23 2006, 2:36 pm

I dont think punishing will help. it will just amke him realize its anohter way for him to get attention. how about try to niotice everyty time he does listen and make a big deal out of it... ttalk to him about the battkle bet yeitzer harah and yeitzer tov... if he breaks something he cant play with it anymore cuz its broken.. I think hell realize then that if he wants to use seomthing he cant break it.

Tefila

Tue, May 23 2006, 4:10 pm

Micki gimme a break he's only 4 Tongue Out

what 4 yr old has computer privilidges mine certainly don't Wink

Anyways if any time my kids use that cooll look that they don't care or tell me that, if I do have to punish them. I will say since it doesn't seem to bother you perhaps we should come up with something that will. To which they usually answer no, no. so I'll say then don't tell me you don't care.

Yes you might get a smart alecky answer the first time but if you r consistant you will straighten them up hopefully.

morningstar

Tue, May 23 2006, 4:27 pm

micki, some kids are more sensitive to disapproval than others and cry with just a stern look. Some are very resilient-- so punishment tends not to be effective.. they can outlast you.
I would look into the gadgets that make inserting/removing plugs difficult..you may want to restrict him from rooms with plugs when you are not around.. think less about "making him cry" than about creating an evironment which does not allow for this kind of misbehavior.
Good luck. It takes a lot of patience and a good sense of humor to raise a spirited child.

micki

Tue, May 23 2006, 6:21 pm

and now he has run around the house with a ball of yarn- he thought it was hysterical- wrapped up all the furniture and poor baby could not move- everywhere she went she encountered an obstacle!
morning- I hear your advice and I try to have everything locked up- but then he goes and shlepps all the blanketts in the entire house to the staircase and goes "sledding" no one can go up or down, except him of course.
he has a very thick skin, and really is so uncaring if I get angry.
I don't like to yell, and I can't find anyway to reach him.
he did leave the house, "to go sing hashem is here on the porch so hashem can hear" and when I asked him if he asked me permission he shrugs with a smile.
so I told him that he needs to ask permission, and becasue he did not ask permission, no computer for an hour tomorrow.

as to computer privelages, well- he is very capable of navigating games- and it keeps him out of trouble. he loves the games and well- it keeps him busy!

red sea

Tue, May 23 2006, 6:50 pm

no computer for a half hour is a joke of a punishment, why is it a punishment at all, so he'll play computer on a different schedule Confused

? When you do punish a child its best to use a punishment that the child feels is a punishment or dont even bother, just correct them and move on. the question you need to answer is - what is your four year olds currency?

granolamom

Tue, May 23 2006, 7:02 pm

you obviously have a very inquisitive boy over there. a mixed blessing at this age for sure. see if you can find some (relatively safe) old appliances for him to tinker with. give him safe and appropriate ways to indulge his curiosity.
the punishments are not working, you need another way to channel his energy.
have you read any Positive Parenting books? they might have some ideas for you.

remember, he isn't breaking stuff to get you mad. Its hard not to take it personally, but getting even with him by punishing isn't going to work out well for either of you.

micki

Tue, May 23 2006, 8:00 pm

its the first hour that he wants to play, the answer will be no.
I wish I knew his currency as you call it. I wish I could figure it out.
can you recommend any specific books?
and I know he is not doing it to get me mad, I just wish I knew how to reach him.
he is so wonderful and sweet, but oh so curious! and his imagination really takes him places.
when I tell him to look into my eyes and tell me, what did you do wrong, he shrugs and smiles.
he is so cute its hard to be angry, I just wish I could motivate him to do!
and the worst is he drags his little shadow everywhere into all his escapades. the only benefit is my 3 yr old is a quiet sweet child who is now learning to stick up for himself and challenge me too!

amother

Tue, May 23 2006, 8:13 pm

micki, why does it sound like u r describing my son?? My son also has a mind of his own and consequences dont phase him at all. ex:if he's put in his room he'll find s/t there to explore. I try now to use charts to get little prizes, and that works a little b/c of the competition with his brother.

MOM222

Tue, May 23 2006, 9:13 pm

Competition is best against yourself/ himself in the long run.

I think he sounds bright enough for you to sit him down quietly (alone you two). And explain to him how much you love him.... but he makes you very upset when he does... and ask him for an idea how to remind him when he starts acting up.

Most kids will come up with a "reminder" like you'll say Mendy your starting to act________ fill in with any silly or normal word that you don't use on a regular basis.

Then ask him what punishment you should give him if you remind him and he still does not listen.

Kids like to be in charge.

bluesclues

Wed, May 24 2006, 11:51 am

"I want him to cry"
I honestly don't understand how a mother can think this I b'h also have children and trust me they also make trouble-- I find that time like these your son is obviously looking for some atention if you give it to him when he does something positive maybe he wouldnt have to make trouble to get your attention.
No mother especially not a jewish mother should ever want to punish her kids enough to make them cry.
Give him a hug explain why what he did is bad and dangerous then make sure any trouble he can get in to is out of reach.[/code][/quote]

micki

Wed, May 24 2006, 12:30 pm

bluesclues- don't take that uppity tone. its not called for. there is no abuse going on here.
he gets plenty of attention, he is just curious.
and I don't need to

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punish her kids enough to make them cry.

I want him to show remorse, that he understands that he did something wrong.
its impossible to make sure

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any trouble he can get in to is out of reach

because he will need a bare room! he uses anything to satisfy his creativity. as I said, blankets, even coats! he makes huge piles and jumps in.
if you don't/can't understand my problem, don't respond.

bluesclues

Wed, May 24 2006, 12:45 pm

Micki you are on a public forum asking a question if you don't like the answer than don't ask the question.any way I think jumping on a pile of coats and blankets is diff. than playing with light bulbs and bulbs---think about it maybe he just needs a safer way to let out his energy