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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
sarahnurit
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 Sat, Jan 09 2010, 4:51 pm
My dh answers "we are planing on 6 million, thanks".
People do shut up...
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morahaviva
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 6:42 pm
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I was out with all 4 of my kids... someone asked "are these all yours"? I spent a second pretending to count them, and answered "only part - the other 8 are at home" I loved the look I got!!
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ohbaby!
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 7:12 pm
Oh my!! Here in Brazil, its absolutely out of question to have more than 2. Two is like waaay to much!
People see a family of 3 they ask if its all from the same father  ..
they look at u like u are insane, how can u have more than 2??? The funny thing is that to have 2, 3, 4 or more pets or doggies is absolutely normal and beautiful! U see in the street people walking with doggies, tallking to them like as if its their little baby... but stollers is a rare scene overhere, if u walk out with ur kids (2,3 or more) u will definetly get schocked, pityful looks. 
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smilingmom
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 8:22 pm
| ohbaby! wrote: | Oh my!! Here in Brazil, its absolutely out of question to have more than 2. Two is like waaay to much!
People see a family of 3 they ask if its all from the same father ? |
Hey, that's my line!  when people react with shock to hear how many kids I have and the wide age range, I always justify it, "They're all from the same father".
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greenfire
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 8:40 pm
| morahaviva wrote: | | I was out with all 4 of my kids... someone asked "are these all yours"? I spent a second pretending to count them, and answered "only part - the other 8 are at home" I loved the look I got!! |
for some reason this reminds me of a funny story ... my mother was coming to visit while I was very pregnant with my third - when I saw her outside I came running down with my big belly ... she want's to know whose kid I was holding ... um  with a 9 month belly and a kid in tow - I hope it's my own ... she didn't recognize sonny boy 
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life'sgreat
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 8:56 pm
| Hodu Lashem wrote: | | life'sgreat wrote: | Let's turn it around. It bugs me when people within the frum communities feel the need to comment on the fact that I only have one (living) child who's not a toddler any longer. What business of their's is it if I was/am on BC, chose to have only one, or am dealing with infertility? And let's not forget the calculations of how long are you married? And he's how old? Oh, so that means you had him after X years.... [watches the gears in their brain turn]
And telling my son that for his birthday his mother should buy him a sibling is really overstepping a boundary. |
I agree. That is rude! How do you answer them? | I just tell them the facts and continue smiling. Let them come to their own conclusions.
| Sherri wrote: | | life'sgreat wrote: | | And telling my son that for his birthday his mother should buy him a sibling is really overstepping a boundary. | Do people who realize you didn't have him soon after your wedding say something about a sibling? |
Yes. This was said in front of a large crowd by a neighbor who knew my history. Not cool at all.
My response was: WOW! That's a brilliant idea and pointing to the sky, I said - can you take it up with G-d? That shut her up pretty fast.
| sarahnurit wrote: | My dh answers "we are planing on 6 million, thanks".
People do shut up... |
Like this!!
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Hodu Lashem
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 9:11 pm
life'sgreat: It sounds like you handled the situation with grace. But why would someone make such an insensitive comment and put you in that position in the first place?
One would think with the awareness of infertility problems these days, pple would be more seichel-dik than to make those types of comments.
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amother
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 9:18 pm
| life'sgreat wrote: | | And telling my son that for his birthday his mother should buy him a sibling is really overstepping a boundary. |
I had a similar episode. A few weeks after my 3.5 year-old started school, I went to fetch her from her classroom, and while I was waiting for her to gather her things, her teacher said to me, "You should really give her a sister or brother...my daughter is going for fertility treatments now..."
Baruch Hashem I was already pregnant with my second child at that time (after trying for 2.5 years), though not yet showing, but I was just taken aback. I mean, what was she thinking? What was going through her mind that made her feel this was in any way appropriate??? If I was still having problems getting pregnant, the comment would have been extremely hurtful. If I wasn't having fertility troubles and had decided to delay having another child, I obviously wasn't going to change my mind based on her say-so. And if I was already pregnant, as I was, her comment was useless. So what in the world was she thinking? That I was stupid enough to not know that if you are trying to have a child unsuccessfully for a longer period of time then you need to go and get it sorted out with the appropriate medical experts? How insulting.
I'm not even going to address the violation of her daughter's privacy regarding the second half of the comment .
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flowerpower
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 9:27 pm
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We gotta live with all types of people. Some you just have to learn to shut up with a good comment, a little smile, and try to forget it. You can say "they sure are".
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life'sgreat
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 9:28 pm
| Hodu Lashem wrote: | life'sgreat: It sounds like you handled the situation with grace. But why would someone make such an insensitive comment and put you in that position in the first place?
One would think with the awareness of infertility problems these days, pple would be more seichel-dik than to make those types of comments. | It beats me why people make such comments. But believe me, in the 9+ years I've been married, I've had a nice share of such comments. And they often come at the most unexpected moments.
She was aware of the fact that we were dealing with infertility, so that wasn't the issue.
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amother
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 9:34 pm
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how about this? I was walking down the street with my 4 little ones when an old lady screamed out "look at her another one every year, thats where all my taxes go!
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BinahYeteirah
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 9:44 pm
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PinkFridge
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 9:49 pm
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What's also great is when people ask if you plan on having more. I know that in the outside world it's not considered an invasive question but I really wish I could let people know that it is.
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amother
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 10:08 pm
How about when a women is pregnant when she's in her 4o's after marrying off some children and all
jewish ppl have comments like when is she gonna stop? what was she thinking?why is she doing it?now its her children's turn?
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anonymom
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 10:11 pm
| PinkFridge wrote: | | What's also great is when people ask if you plan on having more. I know that in the outside world it's not considered an invasive question but I really wish I could let people know that it is. |
My answer to this is "You never know." This covers you in all situations.
-You're already pg
-You're trying, but dont know if you will succeed
-You're trying not to, but there's always that chance you will
Plus it shuts them up. They have no answer. And you put them in their place without being rude yourself or giving any info you dont want to.
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Hodu Lashem
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 10:22 pm
| anonymom wrote: | | PinkFridge wrote: | | What's also great is when people ask if you plan on having more. I know that in the outside world it's not considered an invasive question but I really wish I could let people know that it is. |
My answer to this is "You never know." This covers you in all situations.
-You're already pg
-You're trying, but dont know if you will succeed
-You're trying not to, but there's always that chance you will
Plus it shuts them up. They have no answer. And you put them in their place without being rude yourself or giving any info you dont want to. |
That is a good answer.
But if you want to let them know that you felt it was an inappropriate question, you can say, "Well, that is between me and my husband, isn't it?" Depends on your tone when you say it. If you say it in a gentle, nice way, I don't think it's a rude answer. But if you're really annoyed when you say it, and your tone is sharp, then it would be a confrontational type of response.
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Pickle Lady
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 10:30 pm
| amother wrote: | How about when a women is pregnant when she's in her 4o's after marrying off some children and all
jewish ppl have comments like when is she gonna stop? what was she thinking?why is she doing it?now its her children's turn? |
awhile back we had a thread all about this where daughters thought it was wrong for her mother to be having a kid when she was just a newly wed.
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amother
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Sat, Jan 09 2010, 10:30 pm
I have a doctor's office right next door to me. I once saw a doctor there when I had Strep, and I told her I was on bc. Her eyes got real big and she said "Why?"
I said, "Because I can't handle another kid right now." (She knows my kids well.)
She said, "But it's against your religion!"
I informed her that many times it is allowed. She was so proud of me for taking bc.
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StrawberrySmoothie
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Sun, Jan 10 2010, 12:54 am
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I got a few comments on planes and in malls that ppl who reproduce like me and dh should have AT LEAST 3 or 4 kids!! (By not jewish ppl) like gee thanks sir for permission to have more than 2 kids!! And if someone doesn't have gorgeous babies- they should just not have anymore?!
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lili
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Sun, Jan 10 2010, 5:35 am
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someone once went on a bus with 9 kids. the bus driver was like, hey, couldnt you leave half of your kids at home? he answered, I did!
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