What do you think of registering for wedding gifts?

su7kids

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 2:26 am

I am wondering what you think of someone who has registered for wedding gifts, putting a note inside the invitations saying this is where they have registered?

Is it tacky?

Is it a new norm?

Do you like it?

Marion

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 2:32 am

Etiquette-wise, it's a no-no to put a registry notice IN the invitation. However, registering itself is not an issue. The information should either be passed by word of mouth or (in a lot of non-Jewish circles) it's appropriate for a SHOWER invitation.

melavemalka

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 3:04 am

Can't remember the last time I received a wedding invitation without a gift list....

It's nice to know what you're buying the couple, and it saves them ending up with 20 sets of towels and forty electrical blenders etc

T'is totally the norm (in our circles) in the UK - in fact, people often send out a gift list if having a large and expensive engagement party... Cheers

Zus

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 5:48 am

We did it when we got married. And so far we've been the only couple who did it within our circles. But I'm so happy we did!
Back then it really wasn't done to make a registry at all, because most people gave money. DH's side all gave us money, but my side (european) all gave gifts, as I knew they would anyway.
Inserting the little slip with registry info was the only way to direct people to it, because otherwise they would not have known that we had one at all.

As a side note: the store where we registered was really happy with us, because we made a huge list (including pesach dishes etc) and everything was bought LOL

Yocheved84

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 6:32 am

We didn't put it in the invitation. We thought it would be gauche, but then people started to ask us what we needed. So we opened up a registry and when people asked my mom, she told them. But we were VERY careful to pick a store that was affordable and only asked for what we needed at reasonable prices.

We actually got an invitation and found out the couple had a registry at TIFFANY's where things were several hundred dollars!!!! Umm...yeah. I'm on it (NOT).

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 6:52 am

Generally it's written on the invite, or is in the same envelope. Some people only do it by word of mouth because to them it's for close family and friends only.

As a French gal I'm not familiar with any type of "shower".

louche

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 9:19 am

Tacky, tacky, tacky and tasteless.
NOTHING on the invite should even remotely hint about gifts--not even "No gifts, please" or "In lieu of gifts, please contribute to Yad Batya LeKallah". You are inviting the people for the joy of their presence at your simcha, nothing more. To imply anything else is a huge breach of etiquette.

If the people are smart, they'll ask the kallah or her mother or best friend if she's registered anywhere.

manhattanmom

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 9:29 am

I'm a big fan of registries but don't put anything on the invitation--that's exceptionally tacky!
I always check to see if the couple is registered anywhere before buying a gift--weddingchannel.com covers the main stores--you can always call the chassan or kallah or member of their immediate families and ask if there's a registry.

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 10:08 am

With invites posted all over a country, or a continent or several continents, there is no way to check where someone is registered. Many people are also not internet savvy, or don't know there can be a list (so you'll end up with 5 times the same stuff).

lamplighter

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 12:07 pm

I think it's a "per community" thing. In some places it is acceptable in others it would appear to be a request for gifts.
When I was engaged I tried to open a registry but I was engaged for such a short time, it wasn't worth it. Also people here tend to give money and the time I would spend making a registry would not be worth the 5 people who would use it. Another thing is that I did not know how to "get the word out" in way that wasn't tacky so we skipped the whole shebang.

I think for out of town it's more of a done thing because people give gifts as opposed to money.

I know of a few people who opened a registry and it became a wish list or a necessity list, neither of which is practical. The wish list approach got them many gifts they would not really need but decided to add to the list just in case and those were things that were bought. Their dishes were on that list but because it was a lot of money, they received 2 place settings and till this day have not added to it because they can't afford it. The necessity list is an issue because often you need those things and what are you going to do, wait and see if someone will buy them? And then when you go out and buy one you found out that finally someone did.

busydev

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 12:08 pm

I picked yes its ok to disclose it on the invite- but I thought you meant a shower invite. it is def not ok to include it in the wedding invitation. however it is def appropriate to put on the shower invite. if someone is not invited to the shower, but is invited to the wedding and wants to give a gift then they can call to see where you registered at.
I see no problem registering because when you do it gives people an idea of what you would like, what you have and they can feel good knowing that they gave you something you will like and use.

Shendellah

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 12:28 pm

When I was engaged, everyone asked my family where we were registered- so we had to make a gift registry even though I'm against it. Both of my BILs are getting married this year and the things on their registeries are crazily $$$$. They registered for knives for a $1000 and a bed set for $500! My DH and I made sure everything on our registry was for less than a $100. Also, I recently was invited to a 1 year old bday and included in the invitation was a gift registry! The mom complained of having to return to many duplicate gifts. IYH when I have children I want to donate duplicate gifts... a gift is from the heart and is always apprecieted in my household!!!!!

louche

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 1:15 pm

Shendellah wrote:

Both of my BILs are getting married this year and the things on their registeries are crazily $$$$. !

That's their right, misguided though they may be. A gift registry is a convenience but doesn't obligate anyone to use it. It also works when a group of friends or relatives chips in for one big-ticket item. A single girl may feel chintzy buying a ladle and a set of plastic measuring cups by herself, but half a class can jointly buy a set of high-end cookware.

If the registry doesn't have anything in my price range, or if everything in my price range is already spoken for, I'll just go ahead and give my all-purpose, one-size-fits-all, guaranteed-not-to-be-returned gift: cold, hard US currency. OK, I really write a check, but you kwim.

busydev

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 1:23 pm

the problem with gift registrys are when the people expect the gifts. I was at a shower and the kalla was saying things like oh its the plates I "ordered". I was a little turned off.
but when they are there ro show people things that you need and do not yet have, they are very useful. if I go to a registry and see taht they wanted measuring cups and bowls and they were $$$ I would go get a similar set from elsewhere for a lot less. and usually include gift recipts. except when money is very tight and I do my "walmart special" ( nice bowls or plates for serving ware total 5 or dollars. if they dont like it they can regift it.)
otherwise return it.
I only registered at bed bath and beyond. they give you back cash for returns. whatever we ended up getting doubles of I would return and also we got some wishes instead of needs so we returned the wishes to buy the needs and it could be at another store...
but big price items are generally meant for a few people to chip in together....

Barbara

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 1:58 pm

busydev wrote:

Not OK on a shower invitation, either.

These days, most people register. Its a way of letting people know what you need and what your tastes are. If you're invited to the wedding, you should know someone well enough to ask if a registry exists. Its also nice to select things in a variety of price ranges, from corkscrew to crystal.

chaylizi

Wed, Feb 17 2010, 2:06 pm

Shendellah wrote:

My mother told me I had to register somewhere, because she was getting inundated with phone calls. I ended up getting a couple of things from my registry. I felt kind of funny registering, because here the community makes a shower & gets new kallos most of the things they need. I was able to set up my house with the gifts I got at my shower (with maybe a couple of minor additions).