bris vs upshernish

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Bris vs upshernish

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amother

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 12:30 pm

What takes precedence, a bris or an upshernish?
my SIL is due a week before my son is to have his upshernish.
there is a good chance there will be a bris within a few days of the upshernish, and since traveling time is long, my parents wont be able to make it to both.
I am curious what would take precedence, I get the feeling that they are more likely to go to a bris, and I wouldnt be upset if they did, but just wondering whats the norm?

Inspired

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 12:32 pm

bris is a mitzva.

Nomad

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 12:33 pm

I think bris because the date of that cant be pushed off...

sped

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 12:38 pm

A bris is a big mitzvah and a zechus to attend, and an upsherin is a minhag.

sky

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 12:50 pm

bris - its a mitzva
upsherin is a minhag

Twizzlers

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 12:53 pm

what takes precedence does not automatically equal what your parents would do. I would say it also depends on their relationship with said SIL vs. you.

I made my sons shalom zachor the same week as my sister made a kiddush for her baby daughter. neither could be pushed off, and yet my parents went to her. I have no hard feelings, but they felt that she needed them there more then I did.

I wouldnt assume anything if I were you so that there be no hard feelings later.

Aizer K'negdo in progress

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 12:53 pm

A Bris ia a mitzvah DeHorayita.
As per the Upsheiren is a minhag.

When you go to a Bris all your faults are erased. It is not only for the father, the mohel and the sandak, it is for all who assist to this great mitzvah with the proper kavanah.
Sorry for you sweeetie but your parents should go to the bris.

Is it possible according to your minhag to postpone the Upsheiren until your parents get back?
Or how about doing both the same day and the same place ie Bris for your sister and Upsheiren for your son. This way everybody attends these lovely events

Good luck Smile

Inspired

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 1:13 pm

Twizzlers wrote:

I'm assuming you made a bris for mr. shalom zachor as well. While the kiddush was the only simcha to celebrate the girl. Makes perfect sense to go to the kiddush not the shalom zachor.

amother

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 1:49 pm

I thought so, but they just havent mentioned straight out to me what they would do, so I just wanted to know what was more likely.

am I right in assuming that if its a girl, a kiddush can be made anytime and they would come to the upshernish over it?

amother

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 2:37 pm

Can you push off your son's upsherin a few weeks so that they can attend both simchas?

life'sgreat

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 9:57 pm

amother wrote:

Many don't push off a kiddush either and make it the first Shabbos.

I think a bris takes precedence, and I don't think I'd even think of having any hard feelings.

flowerpower

Mon, Feb 22 2010, 11:18 pm

A bris is a bigger thing. You never know what will happen at the end..

Rodent

Thu, Feb 25 2010, 11:29 pm

If they name a baby girl on the first Shabbat after the baby is born then I would put that over an upshernish, sorry. And a brit mila, no question.

Sorry but I wouldn't be expecting them to be there. In fact, if I was you and they mentioned the question I would advise them to go to the SIL. It would be a little selfish to expect otherwise. If they CAN make both then great!

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