Family dilema....who to take as Mohel for the bris????

Mommy3.5

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 4:00 pm

B"H wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

B"H, too bad for the new mohelim. In the end someone will use them and they'll learn. My baby comes first.

of course your baby comes first. but if he is already an official mohel that means he already learned. he's not practicing on your baby chas v'shalom. he has already learned with an experienced mohel and gone around with him and done brissim and the mohel approved that he knows what he's doing. (unless he didn't have a normal teacher.) besides, if his family doesn't use him, who is that "someone" who will use him in the end? I'm sorry if I sound like I'm trying to give the op a guilt trip, that is not at all my intention. as I mentioned in my original comment, if you still don't feel comfortable using him then dont. just consider the fact that it's really not so complicated, and if he can do it with an experienced mohel it might make everyone happy.

Except for when it is. my parents let my cousin do my brothers brit, he was newly certified, and they wanted to give him a parnassa. To make a long story short , It was more complicated then usual, because of where my brothers veins were. And the vein Issue is a lot more common then people realize. Anyway it was a mess. he cut wrong nicked the vein, and it bled for 3 days. My parents had to take him to another mohel to fix it. The next brother we used someone who was a mohel for 40 years.

Just to add, a few of my friends son's had a similar issue, also with someone new to the mohel business. Cutting the right way, knowing when something could be a problem, and troubleshooting said problems only come with experience. When choosing a mohel for my sons, experience was the #1 issue.

amother

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 9:22 pm

Mommy3.5 wrote:

B"H wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

B"H, too bad for the new mohelim. In the end someone will use them and they'll learn. My baby comes first.

And I had a problem with an experienced mohel for ds# 2 (the same that had done #1 perfectly), the wound opened up again for no known reason and we had to take him into emergency to stop the hemorragy....

Not saying to take an unexperienced Mohel, but know that problems happen with experienced mohalim as well.

Tova

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 9:32 pm

Our Rav (a posek and tremendous yirei shamayim) does milah and when my husband wanted to ask him to do our bris. I strongly refused and wanted to use the mohel in town who is extremely experienced and whom "everyone" uses. We gave the Rav another kibbud.

It is not just the fact that perhaps for most babies the milah is an uncomplicated procedure, but often that quick experienced hand will cause less pain for the baby. That comes #1 in my book. My son barely cried by the bris and the healing was clean and quick. [It could just be that it was an "easy job" because the mohel said to me afterwards "I give myself a bracha that every bris I do should be this perfect."]

It is not my responsibility to create parnassah for the new mohelim, although I wish everyone tremendous hatzlacha. It is my job to make the best parenting decisions for my kids.

life'sgreat

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 9:49 pm

shalhevet wrote:

I seem to remember in halacha the first thing it says about a mohel is that he should be good at his job, even before yiras shamayim.

Too bad, everyone can be offended. You have to do what is best for your baby. Just say you're really sorry but you decided to take someone more experienced (making up stories is always worse than the truth).

B"H, too bad for the new mohelim. In the end someone will use them and they'll learn. My baby comes first.

I don't get the attitude of someone else will use them and they'll learn. And I'm not referring specifically to mohalim. I hear this all the time about refusing to have students etc... observe you in the hospital. How do we expect our doctors etc.. if we don't let them learn? If the doctor, lawyer or mohel is good and safe (obviously we wouldn't want a student doctor performing heart surgery on us) and the doctor just wants to watch, why we would one tell them no? If I had five nurses in the room during my delivery, why would I care if there was another person in there observing the doctor stitching me up my tears?

MommyZ

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 9:52 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

I have had my dr ask me if it's ok if his student/s could watch and had no problem with it. I did have a problem with several interns in my delivery room with baby one arguing over who should deliver my baby when I was fully dilated ready to push and they wanted to do c-sections.

life'sgreat

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:00 pm

Mommy3.5 wrote:

That happens with very experienced mohalim as well sometimes.

I would suggest if you are afraid that it might be complicated, you should have an experienced mohel check your son beforehand to make sure that there isn't any issue that could be of concern. Also I like the suggestion to have an experienced mohel stand by.

MommyZ

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:03 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

life'sgreat

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:04 pm

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

No kidding! Exploding anger

MommyZ

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:08 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

No kidding! Exploding anger

Yes. I was at NY Methodist Hospital and my OB missed the delivery.

life'sgreat

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:11 pm

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

No kidding! Exploding anger

Yes. I was at NY Methodist Hospital and my OB missed the delivery.

It's getting better (worse) by the minute. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

MommyZ

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:22 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

No kidding! Exploding anger

Yes. I was at NY Methodist Hospital and my OB missed the delivery.

It's getting better (worse) by the minute. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

That was just the icing on the cake so to speak. It was a 3 day induction cervadil cytotec demeral pitocin epidural internal and external monitors and the threat of c-section.

Chloe

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:32 pm

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

No kidding! Exploding anger

Yes. I was at NY Methodist Hospital and my OB missed the delivery.

It's getting better (worse) by the minute. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

That was just the icing on the cake so to speak. It was a 3 day induction cervadil cytotec demeral pitocin epidural internal and external monitors and the threat of c-section.

My goodness, are you sure all these words are supposed to be in one sentence??? Wow.

MommyZ

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:33 pm

Chloe wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

No kidding! Exploding anger

Yes. I was at NY Methodist Hospital and my OB missed the delivery.

It's getting better (worse) by the minute. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

That was just the icing on the cake so to speak. It was a 3 day induction cervadil cytotec demeral pitocin epidural internal and external monitors and the threat of c-section.

My goodness, are you sure all these words are supposed to be in one sentence??? Wow.

One sentence that ended up with a healthy baby girl BH.

Chloe

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:49 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

It's not about observing and watching. Most people don't have an issue with that. It's the actual process that people would rather have an experienced person for.
When it comes to issues that do not pertain to our physical or spiritual well-being then I'd agree with you. Like using a new shaitel macher . Worst case scenario, she'll ruin your shaitel, but this is replaceable. However, when it comes to physical issues then, yes I'd choose the best possible doctor, dentist, mohel, therapist or you name it. And usually that comes with experience.

I certainly have no issues with having students observe while my doctor performs. By my first delivery I even had a frum medical student come in to watch. I was very very uncomfortable but knew that this is what paves the way for him to get experience and I had to deal with it. But I wouldn't let him perform my delivery. Ever.
I love the way Tova wrote it:

Quote:

It is not my responsibility to create parnassah for the new mohelim, although I wish everyone tremendous hatzlacha. It is my job to make the best parenting decisions for my kids.

We should definitely try to support newly opened businesses or people in the market but only when it doesn't come at the expense of ruining one's peace of mind.

Chloe

Mon, Mar 15 2010, 10:51 pm

MommyZ wrote:

Chloe wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

MommyZ wrote:

Not fun! I wouldn't be a happy camper.

I was so doped up from my epidural I didn't have any energy to say something but I was very upset about it. I felt helpless angry and annoyed at their unprofessional behavior.

No kidding! Exploding anger

Yes. I was at NY Methodist Hospital and my OB missed the delivery.

It's getting better (worse) by the minute. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

That was just the icing on the cake so to speak. It was a 3 day induction cervadil cytotec demeral pitocin epidural internal and external monitors and the threat of c-section.

My goodness, are you sure all these words are supposed to be in one sentence??? Wow.

One sentence that ended up with a healthy baby girl BH.

Boruch Hashem. May you have much nachas from her.

shalhevet

Tue, Mar 16 2010, 12:46 am

life'sgreat wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

Why don't you get the attitude? I'm not telling anyone else what to do either - everyone can make their own choice. But, as GR said, when I make a choice for my children I do what's best for them, not what is best for someone else - and that goes for a doctor, teacher, mohel and all the rest.

As far as male student doctors/ nurses (which another poster mentioned) watching anything more than treatment to a finger - and most certainly a birth, I'm not so sure it's allowed according to halacha. A male doctor is allowed to see your normally covered body parts to treat you, not to study medicine.

BTW, I hope you are always willing to spend more money on the same product in a small store which needs the business.

A mohel should be chosen for his skill at mila and yiras Shamayim (in that order), not for giving someone else parnasa or not offending someone.

B"H

Tue, Mar 16 2010, 6:51 am

life'sgreat wrote:

usually a mohel can tell before hand that the bris will be complicated. in such a situation the op can even change her mind and opt to have the experienced mohel do the bris altogether. SURELY her brother-in-law would understand. but if there are no indications that it will be complicated, the experienced mohel will still be there supervising just in case and can take over if it becomes complicated, no harm done. she is not risking her child in ANY way! of course you don't put someone else's parnassa or feelings over your child's safety, but if you can easily have both, why not???