Family dilema....who to take as Mohel for the bris????

Reality

Tue, Mar 16 2010, 8:47 pm

amother wrote:

I thought since he is Sefardi and DH Yekki, we could tell him we don't have the same customs and so on, but apparently during the bris itself, it doesn't really matter if you are sefardi, ashkenazi or temani..

any tips on how to face the situation???

Interesting that nobody commented on this point. When my son was born our pediatrician asked us if the mohel we were using was chassidish or litvish. We said litvish. He said that was good for us b/c we are also litvish. He told us that it is something that most people don't know but the mohel is paskening for you as far as the bris is concerned. Therefore, if the bris may need to be delayed etc.. it is up to the mohel to pasken. He should follow your minhagim. He said chassidish mohelim are much quicker to push off a bris than a litvish mohel if the baby is yellow etcc (just one example). Anyway, I don't know if sefardim have this difference also but it could be & that could be your "out".

Mazal Tov!

life'sgreat

Tue, Mar 16 2010, 10:55 pm

Mommy3.5 wrote:

Do you really not understand why one would not want an inexperienced person operating on their child?

I do not want a resident dealing with my child in the hospital, because, I think I have seen more cases of anaphalaxis than they did. I felt like I had to tell them what to do, so forgive me, but IME, experts are better then newbies.

You seemed to have missed two points.
a. Obviously if you need surgery or something serious, then, no I wouldn't want a resident.
b. I did say that this is more about observing to help them learn than them actually doing the work.

life'sgreat

Tue, Mar 16 2010, 10:57 pm

amother wrote:

it is not so simple, that you just cut here- brissim can get messed up.
we "had" to use a mohel who is a friend and even tho I was realllly not happy with it we used him.
had a horrible experience- he cut too much and my son may need reconstroctive plastic surgery.

then my friend who knew about my experience used him. also a friend of theirs.
and he messed up again with cutting too little. that poor boy will need another bris. and until then his parents have to slide the shaft up each day, casueing him to bleed becasue the membrane reattatched itself.

choose carefully.

The second issue mentioned can happen with a perfect bris as well. Sometimes the skin grows back (I forgot what it's called) even without the botchup.

mo5

Wed, Mar 17 2010, 1:03 am

Is there time between now and your due date? See if he does other brissen and hear how they go.
Also, if you want to keep the peace, trust him, but are nervous, you can get an 'omed al gabav' another mohel to stand 'over him' and supervise the entire time.
This way if a serious problem as mentioned before in this thread occurs such as: If 'too much' (not ch"v for plastic surgery) is taken off, (that the sking doesn't close back on itself to help seal the area where the vein that someone mentioned before, is) the more experienced mohel can make sure it is banadaged properly. If too little, the more experienced mohel wil be standing there and right away correct him (so it won't grow back and there's no need to traumatise the kid again later)

PS as your relative, he may be waaaay more concerned about 'messing' up because unlike other brissen, he will need to stay related to you so if you're not happy then....

PPS As someone else mentioned earlier, if you are sure you don't want to use him, start kind of dropping hints now, if a boy, not sure etc.

B"H

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 5:14 pm

mo5 wrote:

This way if a serious problem as mentioned before in this thread occurs such as: If 'too much' (not ch"v for plastic surgery) is taken off, (that the sking doesn't close back on itself to help seal the area where the vein that someone mentioned before, is) the more experienced mohel can make sure it is banadaged properly. If too little, the more experienced mohel wil be standing there and right away correct him (so it won't grow back and there's no need to traumatise the kid again later)

no need for that. a mohel puts a special metal piece (called a magen) to mark where he will cut. the expert mohel will be able to see where the cut will be made BEFORE it is made, and if it's not in the right place he can move it before so that no mistake will be made. kid won't have to suffer a drop.

amother

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 6:09 pm

Not fully true B"H. Our mohel uses a special marker to indicate the correct place to cut AND uses the magen in place but with one of our boys for some reason there was a small section of skin on the bottom edge that not enough was taken off. He was quick, grabbed the end with a clamp and took the skin tag off freehand with a scalpel along the marker line (I was not aware of this until a couple of weeks later, my husband was smart enough to not tell me when it was still fresh but I wish he didn't tell me even then).

A magen does not mean that it is impossible to not take enough. A good mohel should be able to fix any minor issues like that straight away though as mo5 indicated. Too much is obviously a much bigger issue but I'd have to imagine is far less common, especially to take so much that plastic surgery is required...

someoneoutthere

Thu, Mar 18 2010, 6:22 pm

B"H wrote:

mo5 wrote:

Not quite no need. Yes, the magen helps but it's not foolproof. Don't underestimate the probability of human error or the advantages of experience in preventing such errors.
(Like anyone starting out in any field, a new mohel is going to have to prove his ability by taking up the cases that no one else has time for/interest in. If you don't feel comfortable being part of the new guy's learning experience, don't take him. He'll be getting experience over time, without a doubt. But even top lawyers started out with the minor, uninteresting, uncomplicated and unoften jobs once upon a time...)

momof6

Sun, Jun 19 2011, 10:33 pm

B"H wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

B"H, too bad for the new mohelim. In the end someone will use them and they'll learn. My baby comes first.

of course your baby comes first. but if he is already an official mohel that means he already learned. he's not practicing on your baby chas v'shalom. he has already learned with an experienced mohel and gone around with him and done brissim and the mohel approved that he knows what he's doing. (unless he didn't have a normal teacher.) besides, if his family doesn't use him, who is that "someone" who will use him in the end? I'm sorry if I sound like I'm trying to give the op a guilt trip, that is not at all my intention. as I mentioned in my original comment, if you still don't feel comfortable using him then dont. just consider the fact that it's really not so complicated, and if he can do it with an experienced mohel it might make everyone happy.

momof6

Sun, Jun 19 2011, 10:56 pm

Reality wrote:

amother wrote:

My DH is a mohel There are definately differences even in the interpretation of halacha in Chassidim vs. LitvishDelaying a bris is one diference among a myriad of details. Many mohelim are knowledgeable enough to be able to perform the milah according to your minhagim, but you have to ask.
There are certain standards though. Many Rabbonim will consider a mohel pussul if he does a substandard bris for non-frum yidden (something that is surprisingly common in certain circles)
It's very sad that we all know so little about milah unless we are "in the field".
My own son received a bris that was not mehudar before my husband became a mohel. The affect was long term. Because a certain method was used, not enough skin was removed. His bris is still halachically kosher, but for hygenic and cosmetic reasons the remaining foreskin needed to be manually retracted at an older age. (He was a very experienced mohel. The problem wasn't his hands it was the method that wasn't perfect for my son's particular case)
My DH is working on creating a booklet that gives parents more information, so that they can make informed choices.

momof6

Sun, Jun 19 2011, 11:10 pm

Also
Many mohelim have lots of practice before getting their certification. They have gone through their internship or residency before openning a practice.

Some people have better hands than others. There are mohelim who have been in the field for a long time and still are far from perfect. There are those that have been in the field too long.

Some are talented right from the start.

You know your BIL- Is he good with his hands?
Is he Yiras Shamayim?
What does his teacher say about him?
Can his teacher stand by his side just in case?

My DH went to perform a milah in a OOT community.
A friend of the family was a surgeon. He stood by the baby's side just in case. As soon as he saw Dh's gentle, calm, comfortable manner he relaxed. He was so impressed with the bris that he offered to write a reference letter.