Do you bring a gift when you go to someone for shabbos?

amother

Sun, May 16 2010, 10:09 pm

I always bring a gift wherever I go because this is how I grew up. I find that where I live people do not necessarily bring gifts. I was wondering if the gift is inviting the person back? Or if I am weird for bringing a gift. I like when people bring gifts after I have worked so hard and it makes me feel appreciated (not that it is expected) and that is why I like to give them so that the person knows I appreciate being invited. Am I Weird?

chillax

Sun, May 16 2010, 10:14 pm

I think one should bring a gift.
I don't know what you mean by gift exactly. I'm not talking about a crystal tray or anything like that but I usually bring a bottle of wine or candy tray or sometimes flowers. Nothing too crazy but something to say thank you for having us and have a good Shabbos.

mandksima

Mon, May 17 2010, 5:00 am

I always bring a gift even when it is someone I go to all of the time. Sometimes a small tray or pretty bowl if someone new or for the whole Shabbat but other times a nice arrangement of homemade cookies or candy. Or it is arranged that I make part of the meal. I couldn't imagine going totally emptyhanded even if they said not to bring anything.

Tablepoetry

Mon, May 17 2010, 5:04 am

I will bring a gift, especially if it's the first or second time we're there. I like to bring little hostess gifts - like a few very cute kitchen towels wrapped up nicely or something. Something simple, just to say thank you.

We usually get gifts when we host 'new' couples too. But for people who come over all the time - they usually bring over something practical for the Shabbat, esp if they're sleeping over. Things like croissants or soft drinks.
I don't expect anything, in any case. Baruch haba.

lizard8

Mon, May 17 2010, 6:21 am

In my circles, we eat out and host pretty often so we don't give gifts. Instead, we invite them back another time.
Sometimes though, my dh likes to bring a bottle of wine.

chanchy123

Mon, May 17 2010, 6:29 am

We always either bring a gift or help prepare a meal. Except when we go to our parents where we are not really guests.

Inspired

Mon, May 17 2010, 6:34 am

It depends on the circumstances. I think it is totally normal to bring a gift under regular circumstances. I try to.

hannah95

Mon, May 17 2010, 6:48 am

Inspired wrote:

It depends on the circumstances. I think it is totally normal to bring a gift under regular circumstances. I try to.

Flowers for my MIL and chocolate for friends. Some homemade treats when I know we share the same kashrut standard.

louche

Mon, May 17 2010, 9:53 am

I never go anywhere empty-handed; it's not polite. The only person I don't bring a gift to is my mother and my sister, both of whom told me years ago I could stop.

Inviting someone back is a separate issue from bringing a hostess gift.

reed

Mon, May 17 2010, 10:12 am

I wouldn't feel comfortable going emptyhanded. Even when we go to parents or siblings, I may not necessarily bring a gift, but I'll certainly bring something for Shabbos - maybe a side dish or dessert.

chanahlady

Mon, May 17 2010, 10:23 am

I will usually bring wine or fruit or something. I'll ask first to see what they need.

lalelo

Sat, Jun 05 2010, 10:55 pm

I always bring a gift, or wine or soemthing. I feel uncomfortable and rude without doing so.

to my mother - I usually make something, to my sister in laws I usually bring wine...

its very awkward when I have a few guests and one brings a gift, how do u say thank you to that person who brought a gift without embarassing the others who didnt bring?

Mrs Bissli

Sun, Jun 06 2010, 12:19 am

You just have to thank the gift-bringing guest privately, definitely not at the table, like when getting up to wash hands or when they first come in, or before they leave...

out-of-town

Sun, Jun 06 2010, 12:25 am

I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS bring a gift, even when we eat by our siblings homes (the only time I dont bring a gift is when we eat by our parent, but I always offer to make a dish) spending $20 on a candy dish or a bottle of wine or flowers is much cheaper then making a shabbos meal and its a nice way to show that you appreciate the invite and the hard work your host puts into making a meal.

lalelo

Sun, Jun 06 2010, 12:50 am

Mrs Bissli wrote:

You just have to thank the gift-bringing guest privately, definitely not at the table, like when getting up to wash hands or when they first come in, or before they leave...

yes I always thank, just saying how its sometimes awkward... I try and do it when we get up to wash hands or when she comes to the kitchen or something like that

neverbored

Sun, Jun 06 2010, 1:59 am

yes, a small "thank you" gift is in order. J\Doesn't have to be expensive, just the thought of it!

amother

Sun, Jun 06 2010, 6:41 am

yes, to bring something for shabbos is so very thoughtful. I have one cousin who comes a lot and never has brought anything...u don't have to even bring all the time just once in a while a cheap bouquet of flowers or a bakery cake...it the thought that counts. That cousin I stopped inviting so much because she came ate and never got up to help clear the table or bring anything out just waited to be served and u know what I go t tired of serving her..and all she did was complain about the noise the kids made but weird when she went to her non religious friends she would say how she brought this or that..I didn't get it and felt very used....