is this insulting?

amother

Sun, May 23 2010, 3:51 pm

a family my cousin is friendly with invited thm for shavuot dinner two days before chag but they already had plans. motzai chag, cousin got a text message ( 9 30 thursday NIGHT) she texts to invite thm for that shabbos lunch (not surprisingly, they had made arrangements already).

I told my cousin that this family is insulting them. she thinks I'm being to harsh but dont you think its kind of rude?

imaima

Sun, May 23 2010, 3:54 pm

amother wrote:

wat is harsh? to invite so late? I think it's ok

BinahYeteirah

Sun, May 23 2010, 4:14 pm

It wouldn't bother me at all. Obviously, if the family wants your cousin to actually come, they should invite earlier, since it seems she makes her plans earlier in the week. I can't imagine that this family is trying to be insulting.

life'sgreat

Sun, May 23 2010, 4:25 pm

I don't see anything rude about this. I find it fascinating how people can find benign stuff to gripe about. You got an invite! Whoopteedoo! You had made arrangements already?? That's just too bad. Maybe next time. End of story, with a smile and a good feeling that you were thought about.

lilacdreams

Sun, May 23 2010, 5:14 pm

Some families dont get around to planning shabbat/chug till a day or so before - that's when they think about guests, so that's when they do their inviting. Not rude - just different. I often invite Thursdays - and we are often accepted.

Any invites your cousin is insulted about, we'll take - noone ever invites us anymore - we're too large of a family I guess!

ChossidMom

Sun, May 23 2010, 5:17 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

ITA

energy11

Sun, May 23 2010, 5:53 pm

lilacdreams wrote:

Same with us...no more invits.
That's why were were SO HAPPY this Shavous to be invited by the Shluchim.
We had a fantastic time.

BAck to you OP, some pple are last minute, that's all...

louche

Sun, May 23 2010, 6:10 pm

At one time I would have said yes, but no longer--not unless the people ALWAYS invite last minute. It's not so much insulting as annoying. Many people simply don't or can't plan ahead, or don't think about guests till they're actually cooking. Or wait to see what kind of food they have, and if they made a lot and it looks good, they'll invite. or they find out at the last minute that some family members will be away and now they have space around the table. happens to me all the time: one or more of the offspring will casually toss over their shoulder on Thursday night "Oh, btw, I'm going to _________ for Shabbos."

Also I have found that people of a certain ilk refuse to commit themselves early in the week ( they're obviously waiting for a better option to present itself) and are more likely to give a firm "yes" if invited Thursday (assuming the better option has not materialized after all). When Monday-thru-Wednesday invites are waffled several times in a row (not "I'm already committed, I'll take a raincheck," which I can respect, but "I don't know what my plans are yet, I'll have to get back to you")--THAT is insulting indeed.

Raizle

Sun, May 23 2010, 6:17 pm

amother wrote:

I told my cousin that this family is insulting them. she thinks I'm being to harsh but dont you think its kind of rude?

honestly? I think convincing a person who isn't insulted to be insulted is insulting and rude.
you are the one who needs to examine your midos. Sorry if that's harsh but..

edited to add, coz I forgot to say, I got an invitation FRIDAY MORNING!!!
my reaction was YIPPEEE! I don't have to cook! I had food for fri night but would have had to make more for day and then I got a surprise invite and didn't have to in the end

Fox

Sun, May 23 2010, 6:28 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

There was another thread recently about last-minute invites, and I didn't understand the alleged insult then, either. Not only do people have different ideas of what constitutes a timely invite, but their life circumstances may alter that perception, too.

Many years ago, DH and I were friendly with another couple about our age. They had married relatively late and had not yet had children; we had five children, including four children under the age of 2. They planned, at least to my mind, incredibly far in advance. For example, they'd call to invite us for Shavuos within a couple of days after the end of Pesach.

Fast-forward a few years, and they were blessed with twins. And guess what? Their invitations began to be issued closer and closer to the actual event. I never said anything, of course, but the woman has an excellent sense of humor, and she once laughed about it, saying, "Can you believe I had every Shabbos or Yom Tov planned a month in advance? Almost like I was making a simcha? Now I can barely get organized to plan for dinner tonight!"

amother

Sun, May 23 2010, 7:54 pm

A neighbor once called me maybe half an hour before licht tzindn to invite us for supper. I said no because my food was already on the blech. Five minutes later I was checking all the pots and discovered to my horror that the chicken was raw! I'd refrigerated it in the pot on Thursday with all the sauce and seasonings, and somehow forgot to take it out and cook it. Needless to say I immediately called my neighbor and asked if the invite was still open. I told her what happened and accepted her so-late invite with major gratitude.

Fabulous

Sun, May 23 2010, 7:57 pm

It also depends on a personality. I like to know and let know a few days in advance whereas dh is much more laidback (probably because he doesn't do the cooking). If we want to go away for a meal, we usually invite ourselves over to one of a few friends or family that we're very close to and always like us to come. However, I like us to decide in the beginning of the week if we want to go away or have guest because I can plan and so can our hosts. He wants to decide thursday night or friday. :shrug: what can you do?

amother

Sun, May 23 2010, 8:52 pm