What's an appropriate gift for a boy for his Chumash Siyum?

shalhevet

Wed, Jun 02 2010, 11:33 pm

I am going to answer the title question rather than your post - nothing.

Sorry, but your post made me sad. How will your son feel about what a wonderful thing it is to get a chumash if he is given a bicycle plus loads of other things as a "prize" for getting a chumash? You can make a special cake or dress him up in something new "in honour" of the chumash - but to me to shower him with new toys is giving the wrong message. The focus should be that he is reaching a wonderful milestone and getting a chumash.

Save the toys for his birthday, or for the siyum when he finishes Bereishis iyH.

Inspired

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 12:47 am

shalhevet wrote:

I tend to agree with this.
I found all the gisfts listed kind of a shock. Do people really do that?

Isramom8

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 12:53 am

I don't understand the concept of gifts at such an occasion. The Chumash is the gift! In fact, when the cheder gave out sweets to the boys at my son's Chumash party, the menahel explained to them that the Chumash is much more important, and if they had a choice, he is certain that they would choose the Chumash.

If you feel you must, make it a gift that focuses on the Chumash, like a reading lamp or bookmarks or personalized rubber stamp. Or a sticker album with stickers of gedolim who learned a lot of Torah.

lizard8

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 1:09 am

I'm with the op to give a gift.
In my understanding, the chumash party is like a graduation party.
For the graduation aspect, you want to show them how proud of them you are that they are going to the next level.
As far as the chumash itself goes, you want the child to have respect for the chumash and get excited about it. Just like by an upsherin you coat the aleph bais with honey and give out candy, you want your child to have a positive association with learning.

What to buy? That is difficult because it is personal. Why don't you ask your son what he wants. Many times, children don't have an understanding of money and they ask for really cheap things! If he asks for something too expensive, you have the right to ask him for other ideas.

shalhevet

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 1:36 am

lizard8 wrote:

Which is exactly why they have a party when they get the chumash - to add to their excitement and make them feel that getting a chumash is something really important and wonderful. The chumash is the reward - they worked and learned to read, so now they can get a chumash. When you give someone a gift, do you give them another gift to show them how wonderful they are for agreeing to accept the gift? When you buy a child a bicycle, do you buy them a toy car to say how proud you are that they are going to learn to ride a bicycle? shock

The very fact that someone gives a gift (other than something enhancing the actual party/ chumash) shows that getting a chumash needs a reward ie they are doing everyone a favour.

I know my posts are getting stronger and stronger - the more I think about this, the more absurd and damaging I think it is.

IMO it is appropriate to give a (Torah-oriented) gift when a child makes a siyum etc because you are marking the achievement and finishing a chumash/ massechta etc does not carry an intrinsic tangible reward.

Inspired

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 1:38 am

lizard8 wrote:

Quote:

Playmobil, Shtender, Bike, Set of Chumashim

and something else are a bit more than honey and some candy.
The big party, the chumash and treats are enough of a positive association.

Strawberry

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 2:02 am

shalhevet wrote:

Isramom8

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 5:00 am

In my world, a set of Chumashim is a bar mtzvah gift - my 13 year old son got three of them. And that is already a nice gift (we live in a place where many can actually afford a whole set).

A siyum is also not a gift occasion. The siyum is the gift. Seriously. When one son finished a mesechta, his Rosh yeshiva suggested that we make a small siyum at home to motivate him. having his rebbes over and a spaghetti dinner was special and out of the ordinary.

life'sgreat

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 7:40 am

shalhevet wrote:

I agree. I was rather surprised at the thread in general, and at the choice of gifts in particular (and the size of them).

amother

Thu, Jun 03 2010, 11:59 am

Strawberry wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

OP here,

This post is for all the people that wrote about a gift not being appropriate. We agree. The playmobil, Bike, etc. are all things he HAS already- no connection to the Siyum except for the Chumashim which my parents are getting him.

Relax-we were looking for something with "tochein" that he can also enjoy at his level.

We are making a Chumash Seuda (more work for me) following the siyum for all our relatives that took the time to travel here. We told him that he'll sit on the dais and he practiced three pesukim with my dh to "announce" out loud at the Seuda. I think he'll remember that beginning Chumash is so important that we had a seuda in honor of his milestone.

In the end, we decided to buy him the laminated parsha books "Tell Me the Story of the Parsha" for Bamidbar. He's been after that for a while and we wanted him to earn it.

It was nice of all of you to respond and and I appreciated the back-and-forth; even if I disagree with some of them Very Happy

Inspired

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 12:47 am

amother wrote:

Ds is getting his first Chumash and my parents are buying him the very gift we had in mind. Does anyone have any ideas?

Playmobil, Shtender, Bike, Set of Chumashim are all taken.

Thanks!

OP, I don't think anyone reading the above would get the impressiopn that the listed items were things he already had. The way you worded it they definitely sound like a list of gifts people are already buying.

As an aside, he has playmobil and he couldn't use more? As a mother of boys who play with playmobil that perplexes me...

Your update post honestly sounds like back peddling to me. It makes no sense.

Raisin

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 2:43 am

amother wrote:

Strawberry wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

I was going to suggest something like that, but I didn't know what existed except the little midrash says. great minds think alike. mazel tov!

Isramom8

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 7:33 am

Inspired, if a kid has a few of the larger Playmobile sets I imagine even that could get boring...

The thing is, if he has all this at age 5 or so, what is there to look forward to? I imagine that he will soon have his own mp or ipod and computer and cell phone. A credit card and car will follow. Then what does life have to offer?

OP, your first post sounds like the hypothetical kid I am describing. Your second post doesn't! For the sake of the future of Klal Yisrael, I hope that as parents we will always aim for Option B, where the inner joy of Torah is taught.