How do you afford a simcha (offshoot of afford life)?

mali

Sat, Jul 08 2006, 11:14 pm

Shoy, I was specifically talking about a Bris, and NOT a Bar Mitzva. All the checks were made out to us, his parents. If anyone wants to give the child money, they usually give bonds or something of the sort, not checks. And not making a fancy Bris wouldn't have given the baby anything. It would have only made it more expensive for us.

goldrose

Sat, Jul 08 2006, 11:16 pm

Quote:

And not making a fancy Bris wouldn't have given the baby anything

what do you mean? do you think the baby benefitted MORE from a fancy bris? He's the same Jew, fancy or not fancy!! That's what he needs to benefit from - the bris!

avigayil

Sat, Jul 08 2006, 11:27 pm

The only people I know who make lavish simchas are people who are tremendously wealthy. Other than that, things stay simple.
Almost every bris I have been to (including ds' Very Happy

)consisted of baels, cream cheese, some salad and maybe fish. Okay, once I saw pancakes.

If someone else is footing the bill, hey great, live it up. If it is on you, then KEEP it simple!

My chasunah was salads, bagels and things like that and people still tell me what a great time they had.

goldrose

Sat, Jul 08 2006, 11:29 pm

Quote:

My chasunah was salads, bagels and things like that and people still tell me what a great time they had.

now THAT is my style!

mali

Sat, Jul 08 2006, 11:33 pm

goldrose wrote:

Quote:

And not making a fancy Bris wouldn't have given the baby anything

what do you mean? do you think the baby benefitted MORE from a fancy bris? He's the same Jew, fancy or not fancy!! That's what he needs to benefit from - the bris!

You obviously didn't read my first post.

Quote:

One of our Brisses was on a Shabbos, and we had a small, local affair. Even though it wasn't expensive at all, we paid for every last bit of it from our own pockets. The next Bris was in a proper hall with fancy catering, and we invited a bunch of people. The checks we got covered the entire affair, and left us with spending money too.

The baby doesn't benefit either way (neither does he benefit from fancy clothes or carriages or bedroom sets for the matter), but for his parents it was a big help.

mali

Sat, Jul 08 2006, 11:51 pm

Here's another point to consider: If you live out-of-town, or if you have many guests coming from out-of-town, you can't just get away with a salad-bar. These people made a big effort to come, and they're probably hungry after a long ride, so you have to serve real food. And real food means either working very hard, or paying for a decent caterer.

shalhevet

Sun, Jul 09 2006, 2:45 am

Quote:

=\"shoy18\"

Isnt that money suppose to go to the child?

That's nice if you can afford to put it away, but what if the parents need the money just to buy him diapers and pay the electricity bill to heat his room or wash his clothes?

yrs1025

Sun, Jul 09 2006, 9:25 am

My oldest had her Bas Mitzvah a few months ago. She invited the girls from her class over on a Sunday afternoon and we served popcorn, potato chips, lemonade, cut up fruit and my parents brought in a cake from Detroit (someone there makes beautiful cakes and she is a neighbor of my parents so my mother bought a cake from her. It was beautiful; all her cakes are incredible). My dd spoke about the parsha and then the girls did a small needlepoint of Yerushalim that they could take home. The whole thing cost under $85 (not including the cake which my parents paid for). Everyone had a great time. Most of the girls in her class have done home parties that they catered themselves. The girls have a great time and the expenses are kept to a minimum.

goldrose

Sun, Jul 09 2006, 9:28 am

Quote:

That's nice if you can afford to put it away, but what if the parents need the money just to buy him diapers and pay the electricity bill to heat his room or wash his clothes?

that, in essence, is going toward the child.

shoy18

Sun, Jul 09 2006, 10:14 am

[quote=\"goldrose\"]

Quote:

That's nice if you can afford to put it away, but what if the parents need the money just to buy him diapers and pay the electricity bill to heat his room or wash his clothes?

that, in essence, is going toward the child.[/quote]

Obviously if you need money to cloth and feed the child thats fine

sarahd

Mon, Jul 10 2006, 6:22 am

The norm here where I live is to invite only men to the bar-mitzva seudah, except for close women relatives. People give inexpensive seforim as gifts.

My very well-off cousins self-catered their sons' bar mitzvas and made them in the house, with a nice kiddush on Shabbos. They didn't see the need to invite 200 people to a hall seudah. Other out-of-town cousins had family over for the weekend and for the in-towners they made a lovely sweet-table reception Friday night. You have to be creative and set your own limits, and as your mother said, "Just because everyone else does "it", doesn't mean you have to!"

chen

Mon, Jul 10 2006, 10:29 am

When I give a gift, be it for bris, BM or chasunah, my intent is that the $ be used for the benefit of the guest/s of honor). whether that means paying for baby clothes, yeshiva tuition, college, sending to camp, buying seforim or household goods or whatever, I mean it to be for the child or the couple to have something--NOT to help pay for a lavish affair!

su7kids

Fri, Jul 14 2006, 10:12 am

I'm curious as to what a Chasseneh "should" cost. I'm not sure we've totalled up the amount our daughter's cost, but we certainly tried to do it as frugally as possible, and it was an amazingly wonderful and happy wedding.

We did get help, from the in laws, from Hachnosos Kallah funds, and incredibly generous friends.

I would NEVER take gift money from the kids to pay for the simcha.

We did have a certain amount of guests at the dinner and dthen invited as many as wanted to come, for a dessert buffet and dancing. If I had to do it again (please G-d) I would invite LESS people for the dinner and many more for the dancing. We really didn't want to leave anyone out.

Anyone can come to the Chuppah.

MOM222

Fri, Jul 14 2006, 11:07 am

Truthfully I never heard of anyone giving money at a bris. Clothing, toys.... yes. And especially in Eretz Yisroel. Even the rich in E"Y give presents and not money.

mali

Sat, Jul 15 2006, 3:59 pm

MOM222 wrote:

Truthfully I never heard of anyone giving money at a bris. Clothing, toys.... yes. And especially in Eretz Yisroel. Even the rich in E"Y give presents and not money.

depends on the community.

Raisin

Sat, Jul 15 2006, 6:51 pm

I think money gifts for a bris is just people who have no time or desire to go shopping for baby stuff. One would assume the intention is to spend it on the clothes or equipment you know the baby needs, not really to save it for his yeshiva tuition.

Crayon210

Sat, Jul 15 2006, 11:32 pm

chen wrote:

So what if your money goes to tuition, and the tuition money goes to pay for the affair...? 8)

shayna82

Sat, Jul 15 2006, 11:35 pm

MOM222 wrote:

Truthfully I never heard of anyone giving money at a bris. Clothing, toys.... yes. And especially in Eretz Yisroel. Even the rich in E"Y give presents and not money.

I have recieved money from family at a bris, thats about it.