Daughters Touching private parts

amother

Mon, Jul 10 2006, 2:47 pm

my 4yr old is constantly touching. it makes me crazy, and I can't get her to stop. I tell her it's germs, or makes her hands smell, but I don't want to give her body issues or anything of the sort, which I probably am.

how to I get her to stop, but from a positive angle?

amother

Mon, Jul 10 2006, 3:04 pm

I know someone whos daughter did that and the girls mother just told her nicely that thats not really something that we do, but she also let her sometimes do it. and she eventually grew out of it and realized that we do not do that, first she realized that we do not do that in front of ppl and then she learned that we do not do that b'chalal!

didan

Mon, Jul 10 2006, 3:44 pm

B"H

It could be just a phase. My 3 1/2 year old was doing that for a while, about 6-8 months ago. I told her she's welcome to touch herself in the bathtub when she's clean. She still does it occassionally (in the bathtub), but it has more or less faded.

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 12:29 pm

DD is 4. I always notice (or she tells me) that her private area is bright red & she says it hurts. I kept thinking it was recurring yeast infection & kept putting nystatin on it.

I asked dr (I had asked previously & they said probably yeast infection) & he said it could be she's masterbating which is irritating her.

now I notice when she sits on a chair, she sits on the corner & kind of moves back & forth. I think that's what she's doing.

how can I get her to stop? I told her that's why her private area always hurts. I try to tell her please sit in middle of the chair, but she can't stop.

any advice? she is really irritated down!

threads merged - mod

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 12:46 pm

thank you, mod, but it's not really the same.

the above questions & advice is for touching & this is just for sitting on the chair!

I can't tell her it's not appropriate to sit on chair like that & u just do that in the bathroom (there is no chair!)

any advice please?????????

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 1:25 pm

Could it be she is plain sore and then came the scratching herself etc. on the chair? If yes washing everyday or more with water, maybe air drying and regular diaper cream. Also how much acid is she getting, in juice or tomatoes? Some children get very irritated from that.

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 1:49 pm

she does get a bath every day & I tried the diaper cream.

she doesn't really eat acidic foods.

dr is inclined to think it's the rubbing & so do I after process of elimination.

how do I get her to stop the rubbing?

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 2:07 pm

Why do you want her to stop? Are you afraid she's going to be a s-xual pervert, G-d forbid?

its a normal function of the body. Tell her not to do it in public, but there is nothing wrong with a normal body function.

Be careful you don't turn your child into someone who is afraid of s-x and then is one of those ladies who have a terrible marriage because they can't stand to be touched.

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 3:36 pm

the more you make a big deal about it the more she'll do it as a way to protest you depriving her of this pleasure.

If it is a rash- the dr will deal.

putting limits - like only in teh ub or bathroom- or even not in public, like the same way she goes to the bathroom privately and there is nothign wrong with that , should work.

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 3:42 pm

similar to the chair thing, my son leans over ottomans or chairs or benches for the same reason.
From when he was 1 1/2 he would lie face down on the floor and bounce...
I didn't make a big deal about it and then also limited him to his room and not in LR.
but he is 8 years old and still does it- where ever there is a carpet...

I agree with previous amother that the more you nudge, the more he'll do it as a power struggle... (like the fights over sucking my thumb as a kid)
but this is too much?

he is also ADD, and a bit of the clumsy child - was in OT and I wonder if that has anything to do with his need for sensory stimulation.

I believe him when he tells me that he doesn't do it in school...

advice? have you experienced anything like this?

greenfire

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 3:56 pm

I believe this is a normal function of life - however let her know this is private - make it simple - she is a child. You definately do not want her growing up with s-xual issues.

By the way - I'm not so sure people grow out of it - Wink

Motek

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 9:49 pm

amother wrote:

The Torah thinks that what you call a normal bodily function is something to discourage. Sounds like your view is taken out of secular literature.

su7kids

Thu, Feb 22 2007, 10:50 pm

Do you have a source for it? I know that pleasuring for boys is not permitted, but didn't nkow it applied to women also, and besides, this is a little kid discovering how her body works.

amother

Fri, Feb 23 2007, 9:44 am

Quote:

oh my! what part didn't you understand? she complains it hurts all the time & it's fire engine red & I should ignore it? Do you let your kids suffer? Besides for it being a little... it hurts her!!!!

amother

Fri, Feb 23 2007, 9:49 am

amother wrote:

again, do people not read? how do I put a limit? do you have a chair in your bathroom and tub??? I said she does it on chairs!
Do I buy her a chair & say you can only do it on this chair?

Why do people keep giving advice that has nothing do with what I asked??

gryp

Fri, Feb 23 2007, 10:26 am

you're right, amother. I don't think there is anything wrong with getting her to stop, it's made her have a rash which you have to get rid of.

in general, how do you get her to do other things you want her to do?

when does she do this- when she's bored? when she's supposed to be sitting nicely at the table and eating? can you replace this "activity" with another? can you sit her in a different kind of chair until it gets better and she breaks the habit? can you put a phone book on the chair (remember those replacement booster seats Smile

) and show her that's where you're supposed to sit?

thinking of other ideas...