Screwed up another 'relationship' with cleaning lady. A vent

Earnest

Mon, Jun 14 2010, 7:50 pm

I'm always messing up my relationships with cleaning ladies. Am I the only one? Case in point. Two weeks ago I hired a new cleaning lady. I treat everyone in a direct, friendly manner and cleaning ladies try to take advantage of me, of asserting their dominance. The newest one began by compaining how insulted she felt because people on the subway gave her 'fish eyes' when she wished them a good morning. Well, that's a pet peeve I have about New Yorkers, and so I fell right into a trap of becoming unnecessarily empathatic with her. Then, she had the weird guts to ask me for my astrological sign. I told her directly that I'd discuss my 'sign' with a friend, but not with an employee. No sooner than I gave myself a pat on the back, then she began changing her shirt...in the hallway! I stopped her and told her she had to change in the bathroom. She protested that there wasn't anybody around, and I (yelled?) that she doesn't know the make-up of my house-hold and there could be a teen-age son or husband walking around. (Does this weird stuff only happen to me??). Then, I told her what I wanted her to clean, first, second, third, etc. She protested and said she had the custom of finishing the job with the chore I wanted her to begin with. I smiled and pointed out that I was hiring her to follow my instructions. Fine. She acquiesed to the employer-employee thing again. Begrudgingly. (mostly I tell the help to do the chores that I am not capable of doing because of back problems, low stamina, etc.) The next time she came to clean, she asked me to 'check her work'. OK. I did. I noticed the knobs on the bathroom sink were not very clean. I pointed that out to her, in a nice way. Her response? "Well, that's as good a job as I can do." I showed her how easy it was for me to wipe off the residue of dirt on the faucets with a kleenex. She didn't respond. When I told my husband about it, he said, "The cleaning lady is setting the standards in my house. This means the cleaning lady is in charge, not you. Please never hire her again. No way am I going to let a shiksa take over my house, on my dime." I was arguing that "she is brilliant at organizing a cluttered room, and she agrees to do my mending once the cleaning was 'caught up with', and alterations are so expensive when a seamtress does it, and, granted, cleaning isn't her forte, but still...please..." But I can't arugue away the facts, that I over-looked her dismissive attitude toward cleaning, and allowed her to assume dominance by my neglecting to challenge her on her ridiculous yet disturbing comment. I honestly thought it was funny at the time, and she was merely trying to save face. Rats. She told me she was trained in dress-making and I have so much mending that needs fixing. I was actually peeved at my husband for encroaching on my territory as the 'akeres ha bayis' Does this stuff only happen to me? Why do I always screw up the cleaning help, no matter how careful I try to be??? My only consolation is I fantasized with my husband that we have to write a play about it. (It'll probably never happen, but it's a lovely fantasy.) He thinks a lot of cleaning ladies are psychologically sneaky and take over Jewish house-holds, insidiously. What do you ima mothers think?

Fox

Mon, Jun 14 2010, 8:23 pm

Cleaning ladies are like husbands -- you have to decide what you can put up with!

From your description, it sounds like this cleaning lady has some excellent points: her general organizational skills and her willingness to do mending and light alterations. Those are important skills, and lack of organizational skill has been the downfall of many otherwise exemplary cleaning ladies in my experience.

Ultimately, you have to decide whether her strengths (organization, mending) outweigh her weaknesses (cleaning, bossiness). Personally, I'd probably keep her -- but that's just me! I wouldn't notice residue on the faucet handles unless it sat up and spoke to me!

But don't let your husband become too involved in this -- unless he's going to be responsible for the residue on the handles! Make your decision, and convey it to him with a degree of confidence and finality: "I agree that Magda is not a top-notch cleaner, but her organizational ability and willingness to do mending save me a great deal of money and labor, so I'm keeping her at this point in time. If other problems develop, I'll reevaluate."

Should you decide to keep her, focus on her strengths and "let go" a little with her weaknesses. Keep her busy with the things she does well at, even if you need to hire someone occasionally to do a more in-depth cleaning job. If you set the agenda based on her strengths, she's less likely to "take over," as your husband fears. Of course, if she is consistently argumentative, she's probably not worth the trouble. My guess, though, is that she'll settle down when you give her work that she can do well and feel successful when she completes.