I never thought I was an insensitive... then came imamother

amother

Thu, Jun 17 2010, 5:35 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

is this a widely accepted thing or a personal opinion?

I'm not sure what your question is but yes, most online forums have become communities of sorts.

question was is it a widely accepted opinion that online forums have evolved into something more than what it used to be. I know from other threads this is your opinion but is it widely accepted? if so why is there an option at all for amother? all too confusing

life'sgreat

Thu, Jun 17 2010, 5:38 pm

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

is this a widely accepted thing or a personal opinion?

I'm not sure what your question is but yes, most online forums have become communities of sorts.

Yes, it is a widely accepted opinion online.

That's the issue. That jews do have a need for more anonymity for various reasons, right or wrong. Yet when it's misused, this is what it looks like.

Atime has a specific username for personal medical posts etc.. but they are very strict about the use of that name and mods regularly delete threads that do not warrant the use of said username.

mazeltov

Thu, Jun 17 2010, 5:44 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

is this a widely accepted thing or a personal opinion?

I'm not sure what your question is but yes, most online forums have become communities of sorts.

actually, atime board is fully moderated. whenever anyone posts anything under any username, it does not show up until after it is reviewed by a moderator. sometimes it could take a day or two to show up. any post can be deleted before showing up. regardless of who wrote it. they are all reviewed, and edited or deleted if necessary. that is very different from this board, where we can respond in real time. part of the reason is because atime, by nature, is dealing with sensitive fertility issues, and they review all posts before making them visible, so that no one gets offended by anyone's post.
if anyone is bashing someone or saying something hurtful or counterproductive, they would very possibly be deleted or edited, regardless of what username it's under.

life'sgreat

Thu, Jun 17 2010, 5:50 pm

mazeltov wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

is this a widely accepted thing or a personal opinion?

I'm not sure what your question is but yes, most online forums have become communities of sorts.

You're speaking to the administrator of Atime's site.

mazeltov

Thu, Jun 17 2010, 7:47 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

mazeltov wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

is this a widely accepted thing or a personal opinion?

I'm not sure what your question is but yes, most online forums have become communities of sorts.

You're speaking to the administrator of Atime's site.

now I am really embarrassed that I posted under my own name. I wish I had posted this as amother or not at all.

louche

Thu, Jun 17 2010, 11:59 pm

amother wrote:

What is written can be taken by 2 different readers differently.

Believe it or not, so can live and in-person nonverbal cues. . For example, a person with a very dry sense of humor may say something satirical with a straight face and serious tone of voice. Close friends will recognize the satire, either from knowing how the person thinks or by some very subtle shift in the arrangement of his features or voice, but someone less familiar with that person will take the remark at face value. (pun not intended but I'll take credit for it anyway. I need all the credit I can get.)

amother

Fri, Jun 18 2010, 1:09 am

louche wrote:

amother wrote:

What is written can be taken by 2 different readers differently.

This is true but I would say that body language also comes into play and it probably would happen in real life alot less than on line. One would come across perhaps a smaller percentage of interactions with such people in real life but on line what is written in jest is not always taken as such.

amother

Fri, Jun 18 2010, 1:23 am

life'sgreat wrote:

mazeltov wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

is this a widely accepted thing or a personal opinion?

I'm not sure what your question is but yes, most online forums have become communities of sorts.

You're speaking to the administrator of Atime's site.

I don't know the Atime site but from the few posts here I am understanding it is a specific targeted audience/user designed for help/info/discussion on a specific medical issues?

amother

Fri, Jun 18 2010, 6:02 am

One time, several years ago, I posted my opinion on what I thought was a benign topic (it was a reaction to an event in the news) and got blasted by a poster who took my comment very personally and thought that I was saying something more serious than what I was. When I tried to explain myself she said "NO, I know that you really meant xy and z." Then, she never forgot about it and brought it up in other threads and tried to figure out who I was in my anon threads and made nasty comments in those as well. It was horrible.

I thought about leaving imamother then I realized why should I let one person ruin it for me?

Maybe a little more dan lekav zechus on this website would be appreciated.

ora_43

Fri, Jun 18 2010, 6:26 am

When you're talking to people face to face, you can make sure to discuss certain topics only with people who you know can handle talking about them. Whereas here, most topics are open to everyone.

So for example, I might know to avoid talking about controversial issues with a particular neighbor because she doesn't follow arguments well and is easily offended, but if I post in the "controversial" section here I have no control over who's reading.

Or I might know to avoid discussing careless driving and punishments for it with a friend whose brother was seriously injured by a careless driver, but if I post something about driving-related offenses here on imamother I have no idea if one woman reading it lost a friend to a careless driver while another was arrested for a driving offense but thinks it was no big deal, meaning that no matter what I say one of them will be offended.

I think there's only so much you can do. Like previous posters said, try to avoid harsh language or words like "should" and "always," but at some point it's the reader's responsibility to react in a normal way.

ChossidMom

Fri, Jun 18 2010, 11:09 am

bubby wrote:

OheivYisrael wrote:

So like I said, I've never thought of myself as insensitive. I'm friendly, not outgoing, have a lot of friends and get a lot of people coming to me for advice. (I know, no one ever thinks of themselves as insensitive, but it's probably not worth it for me to try and prove it to you all.)

Now, I'm pretty new to imamother, but I've found that very often when I post an opinion there is SOMEONE out there who will take offense to some part of it. I don't want to offend anyone. So I want some input from all of you experts out there.
Is it that posting is a skill that needs to be acquired? Do you sit there and reread your posts contemplating them from every angle to see if they're appropriate (until you get really good at it)?
Do you resign yourself to the fact that you just can't please everyone, so at least you're only offending people that you don't really know?
Do you just not bother posting?
Or is it just that there are imamothers who are very easily offended? (JK, since I really am assuming that it's been with good cause and because I'm trying not to offend people.)

Just curious.

I'm even being brave and not posting anonymously.

Hon, you stick with me, take lessons, & you'll learn lickety-spit how to REALLY piss people off. It doesn't take a lot of skill, otherwise I wouldn't be so dam good at it. Rolling Eyes

Me too.

I always manage to offend people with the most innocuous of posts sometimes! No matter what I say - someone takes it the wrong way!!!

amother

Fri, Jun 18 2010, 11:57 am

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

I don't know the Atime site but from the few posts here I am understanding it is a specific targeted audience/user designed for help/info/discussion on a specific medical issues?

Atime is for couples dealing with infertility.

then I understand the need for heavy watchfulness against hurtful comments and being sensitive - I am sure it is a sensitive subject and would totally understand the need for non- anon posters.

are you comparing this forum with that in terms of a community? this a much broader community and not so specific in its nature.

life'sgreat

Fri, Jun 18 2010, 7:27 pm

amother wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

amother wrote:

I don't know the Atime site but from the few posts here I am understanding it is a specific targeted audience/user designed for help/info/discussion on a specific medical issues?

Atime is for couples dealing with infertility.

My point was that in order to keep Atime's site with a community feeling, we have to severely limit the use of the anon name. Believe it or not, people have memories and remember that X or Y has this like or dislike etc... I wonder how much fun and for how long this site would last if we all posted only as amother for 24 hours (or less).