Friends taking baths together?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Thu, Jun 24 2010, 9:37 pm

My daughter has a best friend her age (they both just turned 7), and sometimes she comes to my house for a sleep over. She's a delightful girl in every way. What's bugging me is that she always wants to take a bath with my daughter. I have no idea if I should be OK with this or not. I understand that they're both still little, and we do have an amazing array of bath toys. They keep the bathroom door wide open, and nothing ever seems to go on except normal playing in the water. My daughter is extremely tznaua around just about everyone else, but with her friends she says "Mom, we're just girls so it's OK".

I'm just, I dunno, in a quandry. How is it different than when they sleep in the same room, except for the part about not having clothes on? When are they too old for this? Should I even be concerned?

Isramom8

Thu, Jun 24 2010, 9:40 pm

I'd allow it with bathing suits - then it's like swimming together.

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2010, 9:50 pm

My girls often asked for that too (interesting that the boys never asked). I was never very comfortable with it, and I'm always worried the other kids' parents will not be happy. I allowed till age 7 or so only with panties on. Isramom's suggestion of a bathing suit is even better, if you have a spare one to lend the visitor.

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2010, 10:16 pm

OP here. The visiting girl's parents are very liberal MO, and totally fine with it. By us, we don't do bathing suits. My daughter wears a long sleeve "surf shirt" and a knee length swim skirt that has attached leggings underneath (I have a matching outfit). It's as much for sun protection as it is for modesty because we both can burn in 5 minutes.

I managed to dodge the question of the bath last time by offering them a kid's video instead. I'm hoping they just grow out of it and will stop asking.

shosh

Thu, Jun 24 2010, 10:23 pm

Last night, my 6 yr old had a friend over to sleep. They asked if they could bathe together. I suggested bathing suits, but they didn't want. I offered to bathe them, but I noticed the friend felt more uncomfortable with that idea. I noticed she was like that with everything - she would eat what my dd ate, would play whatever game dd wanted, etc. So I let them bc I thought it was probably worse to make a big deal out it than not. They splashed around and had fun, and washed each other's hair, and that was it. I think that it's not such a major thing at this young age.

I think this particular kid just loved having some "sisters" around. She comes from a very fine, wealthy family. But this is bc her mum works very hard - she comes home most nights after the little girl is in bed, so they hardly see each other. The little girl also only has one sibling - a little boy aged 18 months. She had a marvellous time with my four dds, who all played nicely with her, and I think she just loved the novelty of lots of sisters! The bath was a part of that experience.

So I think it all depends on the circs.

amother

Thu, Jun 24 2010, 10:42 pm

I think that bathing together is ok throughout preschool. Once the girls are in grade school I think that the rule should be bathing together allowed only if both girls are wearing bathing suits or panties.

amother

Fri, Jun 25 2010, 5:21 am

My friend and I would bathe together around that age, or she would hang out in the bathroom talking to me while I bathed. Neither of us thought it was strange -- it was just a good way to get a bath. Since I hated taking a bath anyway, it was more fun to talk to my friend while doing it. I think it's fine before puberty.

Ruchel

Fri, Jun 25 2010, 5:27 am

Done in many circles. I find frummer people let it go on longer, from what I see. Many still do it after puberty, and boys stop later, and baths stop before showers. LOL

chocolate moose

Fri, Jun 25 2010, 8:39 am

I also let my kids play in the tub with friends, with bathing suits on.

Israeli Mother

Wed, Jul 28 2010, 10:54 am

I also let my kids bathe with friends at that age. Little girls are very social people -- they like to sleep at their friends houses, eat by them, etc. It's really a very innocent thing.

Mommeeeeeeee!

Wed, Jul 28 2010, 12:40 pm

I'm not comfortable with it and don't allow it. I was furious when dd was bathed together with my niece at my sister's house, so do make sure you have the mom's permission if you do this with a guest.

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