Did I ever tell you I'm not your babysitter?

shalhevet

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 3:48 am

My neighbour just knocked - her baby has a fever, and she has to be at a gan party at 11, so could I watch him for an hour (you bet it will be more like 2)?

Well, no, I can't. Just like the neighbour who locked her door to go to work this morning can't. If I had a baby of my own he'd be at a metapelet so I could work now.

So why do I feel bad?

sarahd

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 3:53 am

Because if you were in her situation you'd like your neighbor to be able to drop everything and help you, even if it inconvenienced her. And because most people by nature want to help their fellow man and feel uncomfortable saying no.

That's why you feel guilty. But those are not good reasons to say yes.

amother

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 3:57 am

ugh I also have this all the time. But with us its "can I leave the baby monitor with you for my 2 kids?". I get really irritated because I cant always be listening to the darn thing and I have never left my kids on a monitor (there are some things, like fire, that you cant hear!) To be honest I have told her that if one of them starts to cry I dont have the time to go up there to see to them, I am calling her home! (or calling her family that lives close by).

Once a different neighbor asked me to watch her kids while she went to a wedding in town. There wasnt even amonitor - I just had to go in every so often. Well one of them had thrown up so I called her and she still didnt come home till later. I cleaned up the hysterical kid. What is wrong with some parents???? get a babysitter!!!!!

You feel bad coz deep down you want to help but also deep down you need to work, or just need your own space - you really dont even have to have a reason....its not our job to babysit!!

shosh

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 3:58 am

I know exactly what you mean. When you are a homeworker, no one respects your time. They don't seem to understand that when you are on the computer at home, it's exactly the same as being on a computer in an office.

Pple don't ask me to babysit, but I see it in a lot of other ways. Don't feel guilty. Would you feel guilty if someone asked you to take their child to the office? In many ways, it's the same thing.

Mrs.K

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 4:04 am

There was a thread about this not too long ago. I believe it was entitled something like, "Oh you work from home, you must...."

Listen, it's not their fault. Unless they work from home themselves they genuinely have no concept of what working from home means. If, when they're home, they read a book, relax, take a long shower, throw in a laundry, prepare lunch, exercise, etc., they have no way of understanding that when you're home you're not doing the same thing.

I think that if you would just explain to her nicely but firmly once, she'll have a better understanding of the way it is and know that asking you is just not feasible. If you explain that if you would have a baby at home that baby would have to be at the babysitter while you work, no sane neighbor would ask you to what their baby.

e1234

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 4:15 am

it's because they don't understand. they don't know that working from home means you work.
To me it even annoys me all the times I have to answer the door for people borrowing things, collecting there dropped things from the gina etc.
I have been very tempted not to answer. sometimes I'm on the phone with a client or very pressured to finish something and it's frustrating.
one of the disadvantages of working from home.

freidasima

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 4:18 am

Give up.
Even when you explain they won't get it.
Unless they also work from home no matter how many times you will explain it they won't understand.
I've gone through this over and over. I'm working at home and "can you just wait at my house for an hour for my repairman, I have to go to X"

Your time is valuable and you are a good person, that's why you feel guilty. Because you want to help. But you also feel upset that they don't grasp your situation.
It won't work. Just give up. Say you can't, and that's that.

wif

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 4:44 am

First of all, I would not want a sick child in my home! Why would you need to get what s/he has?

I am actually not working at the moment and stay home. But I have an almost three year old and am due in three weeks. I have a lot planned for the mornings, and am trying to rest a bit for the birth. When friends ask me to watch their babies, I say yes because I am a bit of a sucker, but I totally resent it.

If I were you (and not me, obviously, because saying no is like killing fuzzy little animals to my crazy head) I think I would go with the sign on the door. It's sweet and to the point and might make her realize that for now, your home is an office.

Isramom8

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 5:39 am

OTOH if it's a one-time request why not? A baby on Acamol will likely sleep the whole time.

I did however get annoyed when my brother visited for like two weeks and talked to me continuously and asked me to watch his awake, fussy baby while he showered, when I was working on the computer in the mornings. He totally didn't get it. My own baby was out with a metapelet.

Sherri

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 10:35 am

freidasima wrote:

Why are you so sure they won't get it? I didn't think of it that way before and now that she gave the simple explanation, I get it.

freidasima

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 10:39 am

Maybe you get it because you aren't the mother who asked for a favor.
I have many friends who work from home all of the time or some of the time. From all our experiences, our neighbors dont get it when they want a favor from us. This is true for both men and women working at home. A friend of Dh who is a high tech person who works mornings from home is continuously asked during the summers on his yishuv to help get the neighbors children's balls or whatever out of trees, off roofs and the women who ask him say "but you aren't really working, you are just sitting in front of a computer, what you can't help a neighbor for three minutes?"

Over and over and over. No matter how many explanations are given, the women end up saying" yes we know you are working if you call that working but we just don't understand why you can't stop for five minutes, ten minutes, half and hour in order to help a neighbor", etc. etc.

People, or rather Israelis, can be very pushy on these things and very not understanding if they don't get what they want.

Mimisinger

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 10:41 am

I understand why you would feel guilty, frankly, I think it's one of the biggest issues with women, just check the site. It's why women put up with so much nonsense. Men don't have the same guilt capacity, therefore they don't tend to get as entangled emotionally in nonsense.

I would feel guilty, but I wouldn't want to watch a sick kid. Great, so I can get sick and can't take care of my own children?

You work from home? Then you're working. Enough said.

And, for the mothers who give the monitors (I've read about it on this site before) - you're playing a dangerous game. Those who take them, are enabling a dangerous behavior.

amother

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 2:41 pm

On a block of 6 frum families, 3 of us work from home, 1 is a SAHM. Of the three of us working from home, one is so busy she can't even answer a doorbell while she works. Another has a store and has to be available and professional at all times, and I sign in and out for every minute I work/don't work. I guess my two neighbors must understand these issues because I can't remember ever being asked for anything during work hours (once my kids get home they do ask, and that's fine, I'm not working.) I guess I'm lucky that our neighbors are more aware.
I understand why you feel guilty, but you can and should say no. Work is work.
Oh, and who asks someone in their ninth month to baby sit their kids? I've never heard of something as ridiculous as that. I can barely watch my own kids when I'm in my 9th.

Tamiri

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 2:47 pm

To the mothers who babysit via monitors: please don't. In my short career of 7 years in one town in the U.S., I saw three houses burned to a crisp by an electrical short, within three-five minutes. You really don't want to be responsible if something happens to a child in such a home, do you?
In another home, a three year old got hold of a candle and was trying to light it - his family's home was burnt to the ground in minutes. Fortunately everyone (many children) and the pg mother got out in time. Children should really not be left alone for any length of time - you just don't know what can happen.

MommyZ

Sun, Jun 27 2010, 3:32 pm

Tamiri wrote:

This should be a PSA.