The terrible two's at its worst....

amother

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 12:17 pm

My daughter is 2 1/2, and is an absolute terror - SHE DOESNT STOP CRYING, WHINING, AND SCREAMING!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

She cried for the first 6 months of her life, and then continued kvetching and whining and crying for no good reason till now. I'm trying to get her toilet trained, and it's been an absolute disaster so far. I sit her on the toilet, she screams to get off. I take her off, she screams to get on. I told her I'd put her in the corner for screaming. Didnt help, so I did. She screamed to get out. I let her out, she started screaming to go back into the corner. Naptime - I put her into bed, she comes out crying that she needs to pee. I put her on the toilet, she starts crying hysterically that she wants to go to sleep. OMG it's never ending!!!!!!!!! Oh, this was just todays example. And it's barely lunchtime. THIS GOES ON EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She asks for apple juice, when I finish pouring she starts crying that she wants orange juice. She wanted a certain character panties, so I bought them for her. Now she's crying that she wants plain ones. I put her on sandals, she cries for the sneakers. I change her, she starts crying for the sandals. I dont give in - whatever I give her is what she gets BUT THE CRYING AND SCREAMING IS JUST GETTING TO ME!!!!!! I cant take it anymore!!!!!!! It's going on for over 2 years already, and I feel likejust screaming right along with her. I just cant handle the noise level, and neither can my other kids. They are always complaining that she needs to be quiet already!

Oh, did I mention that she keeps coming crying to me that this one or that one IS LOOKING AT HER??????

OMG, please tell me this ends sometime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's my youngest, and I refuse to have another one for fear that I will be given one just like her...

amother

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 12:23 pm

Forgot to mention that my husband tells me to just ignore her. He doesnt realize how impossible that is... DD follows me around screaming for whatever reason it is at the moment... I try walking away, but she just sits outside my door screaming even louder for me to come out...I've already told her that the only way I'm coming out is if she's quiet, so she quiets down, I come out of hiding, and she starts right up again. Short of leaving the house and freaking her out even more, I'm completely out of ideas...!!!!

amother

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 1:09 pm

sugaray wrote:

oy, I think I would go out of my mind too.
honestly, I think the only way to deal with it is to ignore her and completely tune her out. she will stop eventually if noone is paying any attention to her. turn on music, hum to yourself and go about your business as if nothing is happening. only respond to her if she is talking in a normal tone of voice. I know its hard but its probably the only way.

MORE noise?? LOL. She screams right over music... I might start using earplugs... Hope the other kids wont mind that I cant hear them either... I think my little princess just likes to hear herself as loud as she could. She's sleeping now, I'm trying to get rid of my headache. She screamed herself to sleep, and I am more than ready to do the same. I did yell at her plenty this morning, and nearly lost it, and now I feel bad... I just couldnt handle it anymore. Usually she's in playgroup because I just cant take too much of this, but she's off for the next 2 weeks, and I cant go out because I'm trying to get her toilet trained...

Thanks for the reply, I'm glad somebody actually read this and it didnt just get lost among millions of posts...

Chayalle

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 1:19 pm

I feel sad for both of you reading your post.

Have you considered getting some parenting help? It sounds like she's unhappy and you are desperate.....not a winning combination. It's hard to know why without knowing your or your DD, but what you describe does sound excessive.

Maybe with some support, you would be able to figure out what it is that your DD is looking for (love, attention, and validation probably, but it's hard to figure out why she's missing it and how it should be given.....) If a child is getting what they need and feels secure, they don't need to chase it excessively. And that could give you some breathing space.

Hatzlacha

ewa-jo

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 1:44 pm

Wow - you have more patience than I do. I get worked up just reading your post.

I would walk out. Leave the room, Lock myself in the bathroom until the screaming stopped.

If she screams for juice, then the juice goes away in the fridge and she gets neither kind. If she screams about shoes, then she doesn't get either sandals or sneakers. If she screams about the potty, then leave her. She won't die if she doesn't get breakfast, or messes herself because you won't play the game where you put her on the potty and then take her off..etc If she's in a safe area, then there's no harm in you leaving her there to throw her tantrum while you go somewhere else.

She is playing games with you. Unless you want to be dancing around a screaming 6-year-old, 10-year-old..etc then you put your foot down and show her that she gets no reaction from you with that behavior.

This is the only way she knows to relate to you and so far, it has worked. She has no reason to stop unless you withdraw your attention.

Nomad

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 2:19 pm

oh man. I feel for you. that sounds really tough.

maybe shes having trouble not having her playgroup routine?

are there other kids in the area who you can meet and she can play with? that might get some of her energy out.

I also would consider earplugs in your situation. ive gotten to the point where I sometimes laugh at ds (also 2) when his screaming just gets out of hand. I just lose it - go bonkies. but it sounds like this kid is queen of the tantrum. hang in there. playgroup is in 2 weeks.

Tehilla

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 3:09 pm

zigi wrote:

this sounds like the way dd used to be. hugs(()) she was a really hard kid,
what worked with me, when she would freak out, I ignored her, I put her in her room and she could cry over there, I didn't give in, she asked for xyz, that's it no changing. it was hard to ignore her, but I didn't want to live with this forever. I also use to tell her how do you ask? use your words, it took time.

good luck!

This is pretty much what I did with mine who was/somewhat still is like this. I also took her to my homeopath. She had sensory issues, sleeping problems and vaccine reactions, which only exacerbated her other things (clingy, demanding, fearful, and tantrum-y). B"H it helped tremendously, as did staying calm and just sort of ignoring her till she stopped. Just the other day she laid on the floor by the door of her bedroom and cried for 40 minutes without any clothing on because she said she wanted my help/didn't want my help. So after a couple of tries of working with her, I told her I was not going to and left her in her room. After 40 minutes, she got up and got dressed. She's 4.5 now.

cubbie

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 3:16 pm

amother wrote:

sugaray wrote:

It's called mirroring - you're both mirroring and feeding off each other's behaviour and the result is that it's escalating on both sides. The only way for things to change is by you taking away the mirror. I recommend a sticker chart FOR YOU (yes I've done this and funnily enough it works) Everytime she throws a fit and you stay calm, remove her from the situation and then ignore until she calms down, give yourself a sticker - remember she is behaving like this because you react to it. When she wants something you calmly tell her that she needs to ask nicely using her words or your ears wont work AND FOLLOW THROUGH. She also needs to understand that she makes choices and has to stick to them.
For example she screams that she wants apple juice, you give the warning, "if you don't ask nicely my ears won't work" she screams and throws a fit and gets nothing other than ignored. An hour later she comes back and asks for the apple juice, she gets it and gets praised for asking so nicely "of course you can, you asked so nicely", she now screams that she doesn't want it, she wants orange juice, the apple juice gets taken away and she gets told, "What a shame, you asked so nicely. Maybe later you'll be ready to ask nicely again and you'll get your apple juice back", leave her to her fit and ignore her. If she does this another time, you pour the apple juice away and tell her, "nevermind, maybe tomorrow you'll be ready to have juice" and for the rest of the day give her only water.

B"H

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 9:43 pm

could it be that she's allergic to something and it's making her feel lousy?
my younger brother had that- he was the biggest kvetch EVER, we were all going crazy from him. then one day my mother took him off milk and it was amazing- from one day to the next he was a different child!
maybe take her to an allergist and have her tested, or else experiment on your own...

if she's not allergic to anything, I would take her to a homeopath. they can give her a remedy to take daily- they work!

whatever you do, I wish you lots of luck with her, sounds like you have your hands full!!!
and it doesn't sound like you need parenting help- you have other kids and only she is this way- sounds like it's just her!

amother

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 9:52 pm

First of all, THANK YOU for all the replies and support!!! It made me feel ALOT better!

Cubbie - the chart idea for me is awesome -I'll start that tomorrow. After her nap, she insisted on sitting on the toilet till bedtime (4 1/2 hours Rolling Eyes

) so at least she stayed out of everyone's way, and didnt have accidents all over the floors.

Chayalle - I thought of what you posted, and I highly doubt it's cuz she's missing love/attention, whatever. She can be quite the charmer when she wants to, and knows how to push everyones buttons to get what she wants. Maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time with her, because I try very hard not to give in to her.

B"H - I never thought about allergies, and although I doubt it, maybe I should get it checked out. Guess that cant hurt. It's definitely not sensory, one of my other kids has that, but I guess it could be possible that something's upsetting her insides. Thanks for bringing that up!

All in all, I owe you all a big thanks for the support. Tomorrow's another day, and I'll start fresh with all these suggestions in mind.