DD doesn't want to babysit

amother

Fri, Sep 03 2010, 10:24 am

Thank you all
Good suggestion RachelEve, to have a list.
And yes some mothers are a little pushy. Also they usually ask me instead of asking to speak to her.
As far as doing it when they're in a pinch - it is really hard to differentiate what's urgent and not. In fact she almost refused one time, but did it when the mother urged. We found out after that it was a pikuach nefesh emergency (they're fine now B"H) but they obviously didn't tell us because they didn't want anyone knowing. Maybe that's why I feel nervous saying no. I know I can't volunteer someone else for chesed, but I just wanted advice from a chinuch perspective.

Kayza

Fri, Sep 03 2010, 1:09 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you all
Good suggestion RachelEve, to have a list.
And yes some mothers are a little pushy. Also they usually ask me instead of asking to speak to her.

That's why you tell the parents that you will ask her. They need to learn that you are not going to make this decision for her (unless there are over-riding circumstances.)

Quote:

As far as doing it when they're in a pinch - it is really hard to differentiate what's urgent and not. In fact she almost refused one time, but did it when the mother urged. We found out after that it was a pikuach nefesh emergency (they're fine now B"H) but they obviously didn't tell us because they didn't want anyone knowing. Maybe that's why I feel nervous saying no. I know I can't volunteer someone else for chesed, but I just wanted advice from a chinuch perspective.

That is NOT your responsibility. I'm sorry, but no parent has the right to expect that someone will respond to a pikuach nefesh emergency as such if they don't explain the circumstances. Your daughter has absolutely no obligation to treat every "I really must get somewhere very urgently and unexpectedly" as a potential pikuach nefesh.

In fact, this could have been a perfect teaching moment for a different issue a related issue. This is a perfect place to have a discussion of what is appropriate to share and when. Real live examples make it much easier to "get".