holding fork crazy?

JollyMommy

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 11:44 pm

at a banquet a week or so ago, an aquaintance of mine grabbed my fork out of my hand while I was eating and told me I am holding it "crazy". she put it back in my hand but I found the grip very loose and difficult to eat.

I asked DH and he told me it's true I hold my fork incorrectly.

in over 20 years of eating with a fork and knife no one ever showed me/told me this! I am a pretty well mannered eater, I am shocked. is there a youtube tutorial or something on proper fork.

who knows how many former dates were appalled at my etiquette!

de_goldy

Tue, Sep 14 2010, 3:56 am

First of all, if you're American, don't worry - you are not alone. Most American's are totally clueless when it comes to table manners!

But, it's never too late to learn and it's great that you want to. In other parts of the world this is basic, basic, basic!

Try this video - she starts talking about how to hold a fork and knife at about 5:23
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....lated

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Sep 14 2010, 4:11 am

de_goldy wrote:

im sorry, I know that this is not the purpose of your answer, but first of all, the ways that the lady showed (I checked so I could see how many ways she was going to show) are not the ONLY ways that one can hold a fork, gosh. I hold my fork in a different way. there is no WRONG way to hold a fork, maybe holding it like a baby does with your whole hand, but really!!!!!!
and also, about americans being clueless, thats just not true. its people, not a whole country.

amother

Tue, Sep 14 2010, 9:43 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

de_goldy wrote:

Yes there is. If you follow accepted standards of etiquette and table manners.

OP, the way your friend went about correcting you was rude and inappropriate. Probably worse then however you were holding your fork. I understand where she was coming from; my parents always made a big thing of using proper manners at the table and now I really watch others and its a huge pet peeve of mine when people don't hold utensils correctly, but I would never have the nerve to grab a fork out of someone's hand and correct them like that. You're not 5 and you're not my child.

louche

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 10:00 am

DrMom wrote:

I don't know how you were holding your fork, but personally, I'd be hesitant about taking etiquette tips from someone who grabs utensils out of my hand while I am eating.

Seriously true!

There are two major "shittot", European and American. In one, you hold the knife in your right hand, and the fork, tines downward, in your left, to cut the food. Then you spear the food with the fork still in the same position, while still holding the knife in your right hand. If you have a non-spearable food like peas or mashed potatoes, you mush them onto the back of the fork (weird, but true) and transfer the fork, times still down, to your mouth.

The alternate shittah starts the same way, but after cutting the food, you switch hands, transferring the fork to your right hand with the tines up, spear the food and transfer to your mouth. then you switch hands again.

Either method is acceptable, and it's OK to use the European method even if you don't spell "colour" and "honour" with a "u" or speak a word of French.

Tehilla

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 10:35 am

I think a person can be holding a fork the "wrong way" and still be a well-mannered person at the table. It's that false politeness that irks me to no end. When I stand before Hashem will He be asking me how I held my fork? I don't think so. One should slop around either, but there is a normal middle ground.

It's also not correct to stare at others while they are eating...more important things to work on in life than your fork.

c.c.cookie

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 11:54 am

I agree with Tehilla. Seriously, gimme a break all you "manners" people. How you hold your fork is no indication of what kind of middos you have. Unless you're attacking your food in a repulsive way, feel free to hold your fork however you're comfortable. The only "manners" I care about are derech eretz. Speaking nicely, saying please and thank you, showing appreciation etc. And this lovely woman who grabbed the fork while you were holding - she may hold her fork like a princess, but in my opinion she's bad-mannered and lacking in derech eretz.

Merrymom

Tue, Sep 28 2010, 9:44 pm

de_goldy wrote:

Are you kidding me? Where did you get this from that MOST Americans don't have table manners?!