Newly hired babysitter just informed me she is pregnant!

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 1:17 pm

I work from home somewhere between full and part time depending on the week. Right before Yom Kippur, we hired a babysitter to watch the little kids for 4 hours during the day. She only worked for 5 days and then she was off during Sukkos.

She is not Jewish. She is 20 and has been married for 2 months. Today she informed me that she just found out she is pregnant. She told me about at that time she doesn't have a lot of energy for the little kids. (Which is what I need her for!) I am happy for her, but I need someone to watch them while I work! I am also pregnant, so I can relate to. About an hour later she said she is too sick to work today and will be leaving one hour early.

I really rely on her being here. I am really not sure what do! She says she will be fine tomorrow. But, I know what morning sickness is like!

What should I do! I am excitied for her, but I really have to work. She couldn't change any diapers today. I am so behind in work, and really needed these four hours to work!

HELP!!

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 1:33 pm

BennysMommy wrote:

If she can't do what you are paying her to do, hire someone else. What's the question?

OP here: I feel bad dismissing her because she is pregnant. I know what it's like...I was fired from a publishing job many years ago because I was pregnant, even though I was the top employee and doing all my work fine. (The company would fire women once they were showing. They didn't want to have to pay for maternity leave. I didn't fight my firing because I was more concerned with retaining my health insurance. Like her, I was newly married and this was my first baby, too( I think I feel horribly guilty to dismiss someone for that reason.)

zipporah

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 2:00 pm

amother wrote:

BennysMommy wrote:

If she can't do what you are paying her to do, hire someone else. What's the question?

Is she legal? You're paying social security, etc.? If so, there are guidelines for what you need to do.

If not, would she report you if you let her go?

You should definitely speak with her about your expectations for the workplace. But how would you treat another illness? If she had epstein-barr and was tired, or if she had migraines and couldn't work as hard, would you fire her?

mamacita

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 2:33 pm

I think there is a difference between firing to avoid dealing with or paying for leave and firing an employee who isn't able to fulfill the position's requirements.

If you need x,y, and z done for 4hrs a day 5-6 days a week and she can't do x or y and can only do z for 3hrs a day twice a week, she's no longer fit for the position.

If you want to be nice, since you relate to her, you could recommend her to friends who might need work she's capable of handling and let her continue working to her ability while you find a replacement.

I've had to quit a couple of jobs because my pregnancy made it hard to commute, wake up early, or work long hours. I realized my limitations and didn't want my employers (non profits) to suffer because of it.

shlomitsmum

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 3:19 pm

amother wrote:

BennysMommy wrote:

If she can't do what you are paying her to do, hire someone else. What's the question?

OP ..If she can't care for your kids you have to let her go! what about your JOB? Kids diapers?? IMO You are identifying with her way too much ....read the bold ! you were doing your job ,while she is no longer reliable or willing to do hers ,she expects you to acomodate her . If you need help translating anything into spanish I'm all yours! such as a letter stating she is leaving cause she can't care for your kids ,so she doesn't sue you .....a quick buck is easy money for a lot of folk ,phone labor law....and think with your head not your heart on this one.

Be honest and explain what your expectations are otherwise is not going to work out.and the longer you wait to do the deed it might get ugly ....but if you do nothing , you will be paying and doing what she no longer wishes to do ,can she get a sister or other relative to cover for her ? my old nanny did when she was sick and stuff .

One thing is being nice ,another is taken for a ride.

louche

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 3:32 pm

mamacita wrote:

Agreed.

amother

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 3:51 pm

OP here... thanks everyone...

I know the two situations are different...I just have a kind heart and am very sensitive to other people. A good traiit, of course. I just know how it feels to be newly married, pregnant, and get fired.

She ended up staying the full time. My husband got adivce from someone who said I should have a heart to heart with you as she leaves. Tell her, "I know how you feel. I really need you, though. Do you think you'll be able to continue? I understand if you can't. I just need your help so I can work. If you can't continue, please let me know so I can make other arrangements." Something along those lines. Well, the opportunity never presented itself. She practically flew out of hear. I had enough time to say, "See you tomorrow!" Her response was just, "Yeah, see ya" as she flew down the front steps fast.

My guess is that she will probably quit. That will be fine with me. This was only her 6th day, so it's not like we have a long established relationship with her. For the 5 days she did work, I wasn't totally thrilled with how she was working anyway, but my husbabnd and I figured it would take time for her to get used to the kids and our home. If she quits, it will save a lot of uncomfortable situations which are no doubt going to happen.

Nomad

Mon, Oct 04 2010, 7:28 pm

hmmm, I dont like this either: "She practically flew out of hear. I had enough time to say, "See you tomorrow!" Her response was just, "Yeah, see ya" as she flew down the front steps fast."

its her 6th day. she should be trying to make a good impression. sounds like u are not thrilled with her performance in general (pregnant or not) tomorrow, you need to tell her you have to speak to her so she doesnt leave so fast.

self-actualization

Tue, Oct 05 2010, 11:56 am

I have had a babysitter like that for the past six months - she is always shirking her work and flying out before her day is over. She is actually causing me to lose my job. I should have started looking for a replacement sitter a long time ago - and now I am in so much trouble because I have to look for a new job as well. My advice is - cut your losses. She sounds terrible, and will probably take a big emotional toll on you as well. It's time to look for someone new, and then let this woman go, with a week or two of severance pay.

amother

Tue, Oct 05 2010, 12:19 pm

OP here: Ok, so today she showed up right on time. The second I saw her I knew something was up. She said she wasn't feeling well yesterday because she realized after she left she had a stomach bug and it wasn't morning sickness. She asked if I wanted her to stay. DH and I decided it would be best for her not to stay. We don't want everyone to get sick. My husband did ask if she felt she would be able to continue working now that she is pregnant. She said, "Yeah, sure." Don't know what to do. I don't know if she was really sick or if it was morning sickness, or if she just really doesn;t want the job after all. Perhaps she wants out and doesn't know what to say. My husband remembered this morning that she called Sunday and asked if we still wanted her to come. He was busy and forgot to tell me. He said of, course she should come. I don't really know what to do!

Mirabelle

Tue, Oct 05 2010, 1:51 pm

My babysitter is pregnant...but she is in her mid 30s and this is her third kid. It's also obvious that she really needs the job. When she had a few complications a few weeks ago I told her that I knew taking care of three little kids is tiring and I would understand if she couldn't do it anymore and she assured me that she could.

I really do think you need to sit down with her (not when she is halfway out the door) and discuss what your needs are and ask her if she can meet them. I don't know what I would do if my babysitter canceled all the time or was late/left early.

TwinsMommy

Tue, Oct 05 2010, 11:36 pm

I had a babysitter develop fibromyalgia as she was working for me. Her hours started at 9:00, so she gradually started showing up at 9:15, then 9:30, then 10:00. It was ok with me since I'm self employed and work at home and am flexible with my hours but I figured I'd be able to make it up on the other end and keep her later--- well she kept leaving early too...... and kept telling me how tired she is and how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning..... I had to let her go but we retain a friendship to this day. We thought maybe she'd be able to VERY part time join my sales team but she couldn't handle that either---- she sits at home and collects disability now. There was only so bad I could feel---- I understand the situation on the one hand, but on the other hand, I needed to be able to COUNT on someone!

amother

Wed, Oct 13 2010, 3:21 pm

OP here: So, here's an update....the babysitter didn't come all last week...said she was sure she had a stomach virus and it wasn't morning sickness. DH called her on Sunday. Her husband picked up and said she was feeling better, she would be at our house for sure on Wednesday (today). I had Monday and Tuesday off because of Columbus Day, so we didn't need her. She called last night, left a message saying she would be here today. When she arrived today, dh greeted her (I was in the middle of a phone call for work.). I heard him ask how she was feeling. She said she was totally sure last week was morning sickness, not a stomach virus. She was feeling better to work.

When I finished my call, about an hour after she was here, I asked her how she was. She said she still isn't feeling well and really doesn't have a lot of energy right now for the kids. We have a huge playroom that the kids love, but she said they didn't want to be in there. I suggested that maybe they should go outside, it's beautiful out. She said she didn't want to because of the morning sickness. She asked if it's OK if the watch a DVD. I said OK just because I needed to get back to work, I am so far behind. She just sat in a bedroom with them for 3 hours, not changing diapers ot getting bottles (she asked my cleaning lady to get one.) I could hear the kids crying and her getting short with them. They are not kvetchy kids and always have fun with babysitters! This is not like them.

She just left and the kids are playing in the playroom, I've changed the diapers that weren't changed. And I am totally frustrated.

Since she just started I don't know if it's the morning sickness or if she isn't a good babysitter!
What should I do? I am so behind in work and my kids are so unhappy!

amother

Wed, Oct 13 2010, 3:48 pm

Considering that she doesn't meet your expectations, I don't see why there is any reason for you to keep her.
I would say tell her you give her another week of trial, but then you will need to find someone who can meet your children's and your own's needs, and you hope she understands.
I'm sure she will. I mean, she must realize she is not in her real state, and she can't function properly. So even if she needs a paycheck, it doesn't have to be on your nerves/ your kids expense.