Must girls go to shul on Shabbos?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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Simple1

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 9:41 am

My mother recently was taken aback when she found out my DDs don't go to shul on Shabbos. It has never occured to me to even send them to shul, except for on R"H and Yom Kippur, bec the ladies section in the shul dh goes to is a small partitioned off area. I did go to shul growing up, but it was a "real" shul with a decent ladies section, so it made for a nice experience. I guess they can always walk out a little further to some of the nicer shul's in town, but I don't know... What is the norm for a (Bais Yaakov type) girl?

Ruchel

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 9:42 am

I covered this while interviewing my grandparents and other older people. Pre-war they just didn't.

Raisin

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 9:45 am

I think not having an adequate women's section is reprehensible.

I always went to shul till the day I gave birth to my first child. friday night, shabbos day. (I loved friday night! we had a shuir beforehand and the friday night davening is so beautiful.)

Ruchel

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 9:47 am

I can understand no/tiny woman section in old buildings, but that new ones are built that way... it annoys me.

hannah95

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 9:50 am

In my community, teenage girls do go to schul on shabbat, but they mostly don't attend their dad's service. I live in a town with BH many schuls to choose from, all orthodox or chabad, and one of them is really popular among teens.

Ruchel

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 9:53 am

When I saw Beth El & Beth Shalom shuls I first thought "oh no they opened a liberal place in Sarcelles" LOL

(BH no)

hannah95

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 9:59 am

Ruchel wrote:

When I saw Beth El & Beth Shalom shuls I first thought "oh no they opened a liberal place in Sarcelles" LOL

(BH no)

LOL

I once spent shabbat at Rabba Bebe's schul in Paris. Oh well. That was interesting. In particular when a lady was giving a dvar Torah at the bima started to go through her purse because her cell was ringing. And when for the alliot, they were calling anybody to come to the Torah, even people who were in the process of converting. And then, at the end of service, they had a community kiddush, motsi was baguette from the bakery (treif) next door, and there was cheese spread and deli sandwiches served.

You would NOT see this in Sarcelles Smile

On a brighter note, I attended some hebrew classes when I was a teen at another reform schul and they were very good.

Simple1

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 10:02 am

Regarding the small ladies section, It is not a full-built shul at and don't really have a lot of funds to make it bigger. The partition is probably adjusted as is according to how many ladies tend to go, which doesn't seem to be many, because their are a lot of mothers with children. I guess it's what they call in some places a "shteeble." I wouldn't say it's inadequate, just not enough to give you a good feeling going.

Ruchel

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 10:07 am

hannah95 wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

When I saw Beth El & Beth Shalom shuls I first thought "oh no they opened a liberal place in Sarcelles" LOL

(BH no)

On a brighter note, I attended some hebrew classes when I was a teen at another reform schul and they were very good.

You're the second person who tells me about the mixed dairy/meat kiddush at her place, the first time I thought I misunderstood...

My parents used to think liberal was like, very lite MO, or not shomer mitsvos traditional and not that big a deal, but once they had to look into it and ran!

I'm told they also call anyone for the Cohen blessing.

Even most non frum people don't take the non Orthodox shuls seriously but as a social club, a feel good see I can be like a man thing or a fun Jewish thing to do... I hear they're often good with Hebrew classes and activities. But generally people who insist on going there only are non really Jewish, or intermarried (and even not all of them!) or real militants that my dh always fights with. LOL

Chayalle

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 10:23 am

I went to shul as a teenager because I liked to. I'm a morning person anyway, so I'd get up Shabbos morning, get dressed, and go to shul. Those days the shul my parents davened in was a rickety old building with a small womens section.

Since my day, the shul has been completely rebuilt, with a large and beautiful section for the ladies. Alas, my younger sisters liked to sleep in Shabbos morning, and did not get to enjoy those luxurious surroundings on a weekly basis....

chocolate moose

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 10:25 am

Simple, what are they doing if they don't go to shul ?

zigi

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 10:25 am

when I was in high school we had to be in shul by boruch hu. it was part of the report card. I'm glad in a way. I was forced to go. but I miss going now that I'm stuck at home with kids who can't walk to shul

Momima

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 10:41 am

As a girl I would always sleep late and read a book and when my father came home I quickly ran to get dressed!! Till one day my friend told me she goes to shul and asked me what I do shabbos morning . I was embarrased to tell her and I decited from now on I'm going to shul!! That's what I did and I didn't regret it, it was the nicest thing I could've done!!

I became friends with all the older ladies and it was a great experience !! Now I really miss it as I have a baby and can't go!

amother

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 10:43 am

Growing up in Crown Heights going to shul Shabbos morning was THE event of the week.
My daughter goes to shul ONLY RH and YK.
I set a poor example because my work week is so long and challenging I need my Shabbos to destress. I regret it now that my kids are away. This year I plan on going more regularly.

mimimom

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 11:49 am

I think it varies a lot by community. If all the other girls go, then yours probably should to0. (If that were the case they probably would already). If no one else does the shouldn't have to stick out. Girls/women are not mechuyavot for public tefillah, BUT it's a shame that we all don't go, or at least wish we could! (I went to shul every day for several years--the only way for a single mother to get her son to go to minyan in the morning--and it really was the highlight of my day. I'd feel funny going by myself now but I really do miss it.)

I would not push too much however. Yiddishkeit should NEVER become a source of friction between parents and teenagers. You don't want that inevitable tension between parent and teenager to taint her connection with HKBH./

flowerpower

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 12:15 pm

In our circles girls don't usually go to shul on shabbos. We daven at home....

Simple1

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 12:22 pm

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! You did remind me that going to shul can be a fulfilling experience. Chocmoose, there is a lot of distractions at home, younger kids that need to be entertained, davened with etc. but I guess it would be nice if I find them a good shul to go to.

Simple1

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 12:25 pm

So maybe in communities that girls don't go to shul, the shuls are not pressured to accomodate them ... I do think that might be the case where I live.

amother

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 12:26 pm

I used to go to shul almost every shabbos. from when I was 8 or so till 11th grade. at that point I became way to tired and could not pull myself out of bed early enough. A couple times I did go to shul and listened outside before I went in. if they had already finished leining I would just go home (way to embarrased to walk in that late.

Now I live much closer to shul and get more sleep during the week so I go prob at least 3/4 of the time. sometimes I fall back asleep after dh leaves and its to late (I just cant bring myself to walk in once they start mussaf.

whats funny- my SIL who ALWAYS went to shul as a girl- very yeshivish and all got married and stopped going. because she moved to lakewood and the shuls in her neighborhood dont have real womens sections apparently- mostly basement shtebbels and such.

My sisters dont really go to shul. one went one year a couple years ago when her teacher had some program with hearing leining every week.

mini

Fri, Oct 15 2010, 1:11 pm

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