Guests lit shabbos candles in their bedroom!!!

Mommy3.5

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 6:57 pm

Shopmiami49 wrote:

Fabulous wrote:

That's why dh insists that when we are away from home and I don't have my leichter like in hotel room or bungalow (obviously not someone else's house, because I would just light with them), I have to light the tea lights on top of silver foil in the sink, so it is somewhat contained and if ch'v something happened, water could be easily put it on top of it. Dunno if it really would help, but we do our best.

AYLR, but I'm pretty sure that you can not do anything to put out a fire if it's not pikuach nefesh. I know someone whose house caught on fire on Shabbos, and she and her family WALKED OUT OF THE HOUSE AND HAD TO WATCH THEIR HOUSE BURN until the firefighters came. A lot of damage.

Thats the definition of a chossid shoyte. She should have called the fire department after she was safely out of the house. instead, she put her life and her neighbors life into sakana.

amother

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 8:53 pm

koalamum wrote:

I once had a guest who told me she always lights 7 candles wherever she is. I was a bit miffed b/c I never heard of such a thing. When I am not home, I light 2 and that is it.
So that Shabbos I lit 11, her SIS who slept with her lit 2 and the guest with the unusual minhag lit 7. A mighty number of candles for one DR table.....and a fire hazard to boot! I only gave in b/c all this was done at the last minute before Shabbos and I had no strength to argue with this guest who really was a total stranger to me....

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

amother

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 8:56 pm

aidelmaidel wrote:

I'm sorry, if there was a fire in my home, regardless of if there was shabbos or not, I would put out the fire before it spread, just out of habit/natural self preservation instincts.

B"H I have a neighbor like you. He extinguished a fire in an apt near ours a few weeks ago, moments after Shabbat began. Tonight, I'm safe and sound in my undamaged apt, instead of a shelter.

Given the risks from spreading fires, and the very real risk to fire fighters who have to put out fires, I am shocked that anyone wouldn't act immediately.

koalamum

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 9:06 pm

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

And it's always ok with your hosts? What about in a hotel where they only offer 2 candles per woman??

de_goldy

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 9:13 pm

koalamum wrote:

I have never heard of lighting less when away from home and over many years of having sleep over guests, have never had anyone with this minhag. I do not think the guest who wanted to light her regular amount of candles was "unusual". I hope you make it clear to guests before they come that they may only light 2 candles at your house so they can make other plans if they are not ok with that. I know I would not be.

koalamum

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 9:23 pm

de_goldy wrote:

koalamum wrote:

You must be kidding. Rolling Eyes

I wouldn't even think of asking a guest beforehand. However, I do wish I knew about it before as I had to search the house for extra tealights and that was right by candlelighting time.. I certainly wouldn't refuse a guest b/c of this minhag, I just NEVER HEARD OF IT BEFORE!! That's all. If I knew ahead of time I would also put the candles in a safer place....

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 12:34 am

koalamum wrote:

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

And it's always ok with your hosts? What about in a hotel where they only offer 2 candles per woman??

I also light the same amount away as home (6) and I always make sure to simply bring my own. In the past 6 months I've spent 4 Shabbatot and Shavuot in the hospital. I bought a bag of tealights at the mall nearby.

pearswood12

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 1:18 am

[quote="geshmak"]

Isramom8 wrote:

Amazing the things you have to state that should be obvious (like that the babysitter should not allow anyone in).

Tea lights don't seem very dangerous unless right next to a box of tissues or the parshas hashavua sheet. On the other hand, they left and were not keeping an eye on them, so that's potentially risky, and it is someoe else's home.

My friend lit tea lights, and placed them directly on the dining room table, with no plate or aluminum tray underneath. Half her apt. was gutted due to the resulting massive fire.

I know of someone who lit Chanukah candles in the toilet of an aeroplane. Needless to say, he set of the fire alarm and a lot of panic on the plane. I'm not sure if he was arrested! Rolling Eyes

Inspired

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 1:54 am

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

Then you shouldn't be comfortable going away for shabbos.

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 2:14 am

Inspired wrote:

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

Then you shouldn't be comfortable going away for shabbos.

That's kind of obnoxious. If she brings her own candles, I don't see the problem.

Inspired

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 2:46 am

YESHASettler wrote:

Inspired wrote:

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

Then you shouldn't be comfortable going away for shabbos.

That's kind of obnoxious. If she brings her own candles, I don't see the problem.

I was told it is rude to expect to light more than 2 when one is a guest.
There are space issues with more candles, as someone else said, fire hazard issues. I only light in my house on a high shelf where the little kids cannot reach. If there are too many candles to light there I would not allow them to be lit.
Yes, I have lived through a house fire. Fire is not one of those things where I "live and let live" and my guests need to be comfortable. No smoking in the house and 2 candles per female. You want to light more, stay home.
The minhag that I know is that as a guest you light 2. As a guest and a host I have never heard different.

de_goldy

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 6:25 am

Inspired wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

Inspired wrote:

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

Then you shouldn't be comfortable going away for shabbos.

That's kind of obnoxious. If she brings her own candles, I don't see the problem.

As a guest and a host I have never heard of only lighting two when away - I think as a host it is important to make this clear BEFORE the guests arrive. I would never stay somewhere that I could not light properly.

Inspired

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 7:25 am

de_goldy wrote:

Inspired wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

Inspired wrote:

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

Then you shouldn't be comfortable going away for shabbos.

That's kind of obnoxious. If she brings her own candles, I don't see the problem.

If one lights with oil usually do they expect to be accommodated to light with oil at their hosts home as well? If one lights 16 candles do you still think they should be matriach their host with thios as well?
I have lit two when as a guest everywhere I have gone. That is the accepted minhag I have seen. I think it is the guests place to tell the host she expects place for her 18 candle holders with oil and floating wicks.
As a guest I am glad to enjoy my hosts company, have some food and clean sheets. I don't think its my hosts responsibility to delineate every detail of what's on offer, beds, menu, meal times, toy options, etc. before I arrive. When I am a guest it is my responsibility to be flexible and ask if something is very important to me.

de_goldy

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 7:34 am

Inspired wrote:

de_goldy wrote:

Inspired wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

Inspired wrote:

amother wrote:

koalamum wrote:

I always lite the amount of candles I do at home im just not comft. doing 2

Then you shouldn't be comfortable going away for shabbos.

That's kind of obnoxious. If she brings her own candles, I don't see the problem.

I would think if one is particular to light with oil (I have only ever met one person who does this) that they would bring it with them, or use candles.

This shabbos I set up 30 candles - only ten are mine.

You say the guest should ask if it's important to them - I would never ask bc I've never heard of this. None of the hundreds of guests I've had at my house have ever done this, and nowhere I've been a guest have I been expected to only light two.