PAINFULLY BORED!!!!!!

amother

Tue, Jan 18 2011, 10:06 pm

I seriously need help with my ds. He is 11 years old and can't seem to occupy himself. He has various different toys including a gameboy and nothing seems to satisfy him. Today I really thought I'm getting a nervous breakdown from him, he himself is sooo upset with the situation that he starting crying. I would really appreciate some advice asIi feel it's REALLY getting to me.

marina

Tue, Jan 18 2011, 10:59 pm

no punishment needed, just less stuff.

Get him some books and some other educational stuff, workbooks, etc. Then have him work on that until bedtime, whatever.

Does his school not give enough homework?

amother

Tue, Jan 18 2011, 11:03 pm

He is totally uninterested in using his head by the time he finishes school. BTW today he said everyday he isnot even happy to come home because he is going to be bored.

Simple1

Tue, Jan 18 2011, 11:12 pm

What about letting him bring a friend home from school sometimes? Or are there boys in your neighborhood he can get together with?

marina

Tue, Jan 18 2011, 11:36 pm

listen OP, by the time a kid is 11, a parent is done being an entertainment center.

Ignore him. Boredom is just a failure of the imagination. If he's bored long enough, the hibernating imagination will kick in and he'll figure out what fun thing to do. Right now the fun thing to do is to whine that he is bored.

sequoia

Tue, Jan 18 2011, 11:51 pm

Plan a fun activity that the whole family can do together on Sunday, and have your ds participate in the planning and preparation.

Mama Bear

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 12:55 am

go to a 99 cents or craft store and find some things that will interest him. find out what his interests are and buy him thing to do - NOT electronic toys.

what time does he get home from yeshiva? In my world 11 yr olds get home at 6:30. So it's supper, a bit of relaxing, and time for bath/bed. Not much time to be bored.

amother

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 1:11 am

He may be depressed, not bored. Is he uninterested in absolutely everything and anything? Because that sounds like depression, not boredom. And take it from someone who experienced it, until you do, you absolutely do not believe that it's real. I used to say "It's all in their head, get over it", and things like that. Until it happened to me (caused by sleep apnea in my case).

But you'll need to speak to a professional, don't let some random person on the internet diagnose your kid.

Fox

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 1:11 am

My 11-year-old DS also has trouble entertaining himself, and I actually think the long day in yeshiva makes it worse. He is occupied every minute from 7:30 a.m. until 5:30 or 6 p.m. -- so he has absolutely no idea what to do with himself when he has an off day.

The crafts suggestion was a good one. Does he enjoy reading? My son loves Zman magazine, and that's always good for a few hours! Another good idea is baking. An 11-year-old can easily follow instructions to make a cake mix or even a batch of cookies.

BTW, I think boys in this age group are particularly tough to keep entertained. They're too old to engage in the same kind of imaginative play that occupies younger kids, but they're a little young to have hobbies that genuinely take up time. It's a bracha if they have friends nearby, but put a few 11-year-old boys together, and you'll soon wish they were bored!

emama

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 2:51 pm

I remember being like that, and still find it hard to get things done, unless I'm under pressure and/or have a close deadline. Then I do a great job, but not if I have unstructured time.
Maybe it is depression, or lack of stimulation, or as Fox said, having the whole school day scheduled for him, leaving him no need to learn how to choose what to do.
Does he have any specific interests, science, or art, etc, some subject that he could read a book on which may offer a project to do? Maybe a trip to the library to find some "project" books might help. I love the idea of cooking. He could be in charge of making something for snack or for Shabbat. Give him a choice of things to make and let him choose.

Fox

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 2:59 pm

Here's another idea:

Mama Bear and I agree about electronic games and toys -- work of the devil (he made electronic toys right after libraries, Marina).

However, there are some excellent free learn-to-type programs available, and typing is definitely a skill he'll need. If he can already type, you could download tutorials on using MS Word or Excel. These are real skills as opposed to games, and the meet the requirement of using the computer as a tool, not an entertainment center.

superjew

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 3:04 pm

Why not ask him? Does he have any interests? Any hobbies? Maybe a dream, a goal? Anything that he responds to you can feed. If he wants something big & you cant get then do something that would still peak that interest. Maybe a book at the library about that subject etc.
But he's big enough to know what he is interested in. Maybe he wants to be more active? I guess ask & see from there.

If he doesnt have any interests perhaps he is a bit depressed OR seeking your attention by turning to you constantly. Maybe he wants some TLC for a few minutes every day. Set up a schedule with him daily so he gets into a good happy routine.

Good Luck

happymom1836

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 3:19 pm

How about some type of volunteer work to make him feel useful and valuable? ideally something to build a connection with someone/thing else-animals, kids, elderly pple etc. may be lack of self esteem. good luck.

thinking mom

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 6:36 pm

Boys have such a long school day, they often have a load of pent up energy at the end of it — even if they don't realize it. Any way you can get him involved in a sport? Sounds like he needs some physical activity. Maybe your husband can play ball with him somewhere indoors when the weather is bad? When my son rides his bike or play ball he comes home so much calmer.