why is she busy with kids non stop?

klotzkashe

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 3:55 pm

MIcki, I'm the originator of the Quality Care concept.

What I meant was pretty much what the amother answered you - are you rushing your kids through the bath and do they sense that "there's somewhere else that mommy would rather be"?
Do they feel like you're just getting hte job done to get them out of hte way so that you can get onto the things thatu enjoy?

Quality care is when you do the things you have to do and the things that you do everyday but your kids dont' feel that they are a chore or buden on you. of course this attitude might not be evident every single day bc there are days when we are frazzled, but if a child sees that he wants to play in the bath and his mom every couple of days says suer dovi, sit in the bath and play for (10-15 mins) and she's not rushing him and not htinking about his desires - THAT"S QUALITY.

I don't mean that u should have to hang around while your (half-naked) son decides that he has to finish his lego tower. I mean that if he picks up a book and says read it to me, and then picks up another one - u will indulge him once every so often without making him seem like he's hindering the all important schedule.

that's quazlity care.

SOOOOOOo, if this amother who is cruising through life with 6 kids (im barely managing with 2) then kol hakavod to her. If her kids feel loved and not hurried and rushed through life because their mother needs them all in bed for some peace and quiet then YOU GO GIRL!

I just don't see how 6 kids can be bathed in 15 mins (rushed or not rushed!)

micki

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 4:34 pm

well klotz- thanks for coming out of the woodwork!!
to answer- no there is no rushing. just get a move on it meaning no dwadeling.
they know I have no where to go, and yes of course if a kid wants another book read, of course. there is no deadline for us and I don't turn into a pumpkin after 15 min! Wink

if it takes 20 min so what? I just don't like it when kids waste my time by being lazy with theirs.

and, yes, it is possible to have all 5 in bed within 30 min with baths. I just did so tonite with no hubby to help. we started at 6:50 and now its what 7:26? they are all in bed reading.

its just a matter of learning how to do it effieciantly and in the right order.
like baby into tub first while girls get their things ready and get undressed. I give boys 2 min warning that they are next- this way they know to stop playign and are not surprised by suddenly yanking them out of their play time. I dress baby while girls in the shower. put baby down in bed, she plays there. I lay out boys pjs. girls out get themsleves dressed in pjs they can find on their own then boys out. boys get dressed with help from me for the 3 yr old, then I brush girls hair. then I read to boys usually 2 books and then I say goodnight to girls. goodnight to all and I am done.
they brush teeth in between (we just got a DOUBLE SINK int he bathroom!!! so all 4 can do it at once ! hooray!!!) and girls say shema ont heir own while I sing to the little ones.

it works for me this way if I am alone and it takes a bit more time. if huby is around then it goes really in 15 - 20 min.

and now I get time to myself- which is usually devoted to the house anyway, but hey at least its quiet.

chavamom

Mon, Sep 04 2006, 7:38 pm

You know, I have to agree that different periods of time in your life are easier than others. I went to nursing school with 5 children, the oldest of which was 6 (graduated when he was 7). BUT they all went to bed at 7 PM, my husband was out all evening and I could study uninterupted until he came home around 10:30 or 11 AND I had a great babysitter/housekeeper that came to my house every day. Could I do it now? Not on your life. I have big kids, little kids, the big ones stay up later than me, the little ones still need tending, homework help all evening....getting out to work (in a pediatric facility no less!) is a VACATION. And while I'm at it, when I had 3 kids, I was at my wit's end from morning to night most of the time. But a few kids later it was easier?

I think you cannot judge someone else's 'pekelah'.

Motek

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 9:11 am

micki wrote:

its just a matter of learning how to do it effieciantly and in the right order.

Even though you learned through trial and error, not everybody does! You sound like a great mother micki and I was impressed when you wrote (long ago) that you want to have foster children one day too.

I think that many, many mothers would benefit so much by learning from experienced and efficient mothers how to do things in an organized, efficient way.

There's a book by Artscroll called:
It's About Time
The guide to successful Jewish homemaking.

http://www.artscroll.com/Books/itsh.html

and Nechama Greisman's advice on how to be more efficient (look down the left column for chapters on the freezer, clothes etc.):

http://www.sichosinenglish.org.....6.htm

micki - maybe, after you put the kids to sleep, you can start writing a handbook! Smile

micki

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 11:26 am

you hit it motek:

Quote:

You sound like a great mother

I can manage child care very well B"H but in the cleaning and housework department, well lets just say no one has every called the HAZMAT team, but... welll its really not my priority. (I say that to make me feel good too!)
I reallly suck and getting the housework done. not because I can't, but becuase I just don't like doing it.

and it just starts all over againt he next day! someone can PLEASE help motivate me to keep a decluttered house would be nice!
flylady didn't cut it.

perhaps thoise that excell in that area can post their coping tips!!

tziviakayla

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 11:45 am

micki, a friend told me once when I was feeling overwhlemed with clutter, just to pick up everything off the floor...not to worry about dishes, tabletops or countertops, just the floor. It's amazing how much cleaner everything looks after 30 minutes. My bigger girls also help out by picking up their toys and books. Then I do the tables and counters. After that I do the dishes. I find that if I do the kitchen first I have no energy for anything else. It's been like that since before I even had kids! Even at the end of a really long day, it doesn't take much time to pick up everything off the floor. Sometimes that's all I'll do and leave the rest for morning. At least we can all walk around!

As far as heavy cleaning (floors, bathrooms), I have a cleaning lady! I know my limits! Very Happy

happymom

Tue, Sep 05 2006, 6:23 pm

every night I try to put everything away. in the morning I make the beds, and make sure my room is very clean... all clothes put away... if there is any laundry I make sure I put it away. its funny but if my room is very clean its hard for me to start my day. then as my baby is eating breakfast, I make sure everything else is clean. like if thgere are dishes that need to be put away... sometimes I see other things that need to be clean at this time like a quick wipe down of the fridge.... Once a week I have a cleaning lady who cleans and dusts everything so that really helps keep eveyrhting clean. I think the most importnat thing is to have a place for EVERYTHING. that way, your house wont get too cluttered. also, if u clean the tables and counters, couch etc.. whenever it gets too full with things, it can help u not feel overwhelmed.... when ure kids are in the bath u can straighten up the bathroom... on your way out u can take the garbage with u.... etc... this is what do and bh my house is almost aways very clean and organized... one more thing... I go through any papers on the computer desk every night with my dh... and ask him where they go so that they dont pile up.........

JRKmommy

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 9:08 am

Not everyone is equally organized, or equally calm.

As well, the difference between children can be amazing.

With my oldest, I never slept. She hated the air in the apt., so I'd have to paced up and down the hallways between 1am and 5am every night. I was a zombie. She'd also scream the moment she got hungry, nurse for a good half hour, promptly spit up half, and poop out the rest 5 min later. She didn't want to play by herself or sleep by herself - she needed to be with me at all times. It was exhausting. I like to cook, but couldn't make anyting on the stove b/c my baby always demanded to be held.

That was her unique personality. It was exhausting, but I came to appreciate the many positive sides of it as well (constant hugs and cuddles, would stay by my side instead of running off as a toddler, very sensitive to anything I had to say).

My next child was very independent. Infant sleep wasn't nearly as hard, and she didn't have the reflux. However, as a toddler she would climb everything in sight, run off while shopping, and had an amazing talent for getting into things. If she's playing too quietly, I have to run to stop her before she decorates herself and the house with lipstick, etc.

My third is my easy kid. Slept and ate like a champ from day one. If he was my only child, I'd go around wondering why parents ever complain about being tired. However, he was such a big boy that a developed back and joint pain, so I could barely walk for around 6 weeks around the time of his birth.

The two youngest play great now, but I had to really train the middle one not to be too rough with her brother. She wasn't mean, but she had no concept of pain or gentleness with herself, so she certainly couldn't understand at 21 mos that newborns shouldn't be bonked on the head. That meant constant vigilance on my part until she could be trusted to be with him.

I royally suck at cleaning at the best of times. With kids around - forget it.

My kids are great, btw, and I love being with them. I just don't assume that I'll never be frazzled or that I'll always have time for other things.

amother

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 11:20 am

I'm really amazed by the mothers who say they can put there kids to sleep in 15-30 with baths.
I have 3 kids and it takes at least an hour.
the one thing that noone seems to have mentioned yet, is when your kids dont want to cooperate with you.
sure I could have them dressed and in bed in 10 minutes if they would cooperate, but they rarely do. one is running around the other wants to be held, another wants a drink right NOW! everyone wants something else, and getting each of them what they need and also calmed down enough to fall asleep is a major chore. he wants me to sleep with him, and she needs to nurse, another wants to go play with toys, after I've put him to bed, and while I'm lying down with the other. if I get out of bed to bring my other son back to bed then my first will scream, and he's finally calmed down....
add to that a screaming baby who wants to be held and snuggled before bed, and doesnt appreciate being dumped into bed to make time for the older ones.

now please tell me how do I get them all into bed at roughly the same time when they all need me at once????
and no my husband isnt much help.

amother

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 11:24 am

continuation....

I have often dreamed of having a night where I can tell my son go put on pjs and he'll come back in 5 minutes all dressed.
or when they just calmly get into their beds waiting for a kiss goodnight.
when I can say shema without being interruppted every 2 sec with something I just have to tell you, and I need a drink now. when I continue saying shema (b/c I wont stop in the middle) he keeps wailing for a drink the entire time. hello! he's old enough that when I say soon, he could wait, but no he has to cry the whole time.
are my kids more difficult than most?
I have been getting that feeling lately, that other mothers dont have it as hard as I do.

timeout

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 11:56 am

Amother u r not alone there are days and nights that are the pits but there are great days to just remember that and yes kids get older and you will miss the days when they were little and the biggest problem was getting them to sleep (I always try and keep this in mind).

Little children have little problems Big kids have much much bigger problems.

PM me if u need to talk I've been where you are and some days feel just the same

Raisin

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 12:07 pm

Quote:

I'm not sure if this nugget is going to make amother (or anyone else) feel better! LOL

In other words: You have it tough now- don't worry,it'll be even tougher in the future!

Imhappy!

Fri, Sep 08 2006, 8:23 am

Rifky wrote:

Quote:

I'm not sure if this nugget is going to make amother (or anyone else) feel better! LOL

In other words: You have it tough now- don't worry,it'll be even tougher in the future!

Physically it gets easier but emotionally gets harder

JRKmommy

Fri, Sep 08 2006, 9:22 am

Well, I think it's safe to say that it's hard physically when you are up comforting a baby all night, but you do miss it when they get older and more independent. At least at the baby stage, they clearly love and want to be with mommy!

[BTW - in case I made dd#1 seem difficult, I should clarify that despite the exhaustion, I loved it. I had been very depressed for a year before she was born due to a late miscarriage and wanted nothing more than a baby in my arms. With dd#1, I got that! I was tired, but my arms and heart were full.]

raizy

Sat, Sep 09 2006, 11:31 pm

micki u said it better then me. I also bath 5 kids FAST!! I first put the baby in then I pass the baby to my hubby . then the next 3 kids all jump in at the same time. then when they come out . my oldest has a shower. so yes I can bath and dress five kids in 15 mintes.

yes sometime they have long showers and baths but othertimes it quick.!!!!!

I also have 5 kids under the age of 6.5 some days are harder then others but please. some ladies have time for everything except a clean house. and a warm and hot cooked supper meal. they are out running around playing in the park and at 7 p.m. they come home the kids are straving to dead. then they start to make supper then. (I have living proof of this one my friend those that every single day of the year.

why ?if u loved your kids u would try to make a semi decent clean house for them. and have supper ready when they walk in the door every night.

I work all day and I still have supper ready at 5:00 p.m every night. sometimes we eat later but that is o.k. supper is ready adn waiting.

I dont get u ladies who dont work. and still cant have a clean house and clean laundery and kid who are not hungry all the time.