Brother's wedding WWYD??

amother

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 8:56 pm

My brother is getting married. His mother in law to be is paying for most of the wedding - as she wants it to extremely over the top. My parents are paying for a smaller share. (She wants a 30 peice band, fruit carving stations, all different cuisines, ice sculptures ect). Since she is paying for the wedding she insists getting her way for all of it and so far she has.

She has made it clear that my baby isn't invited. My baby is nursing and eats no solids. She also doesn't allow me to get a babysitter in the hall (It will make others upset - she says). The hall is an hour from my Mom's house. The wedding starts at 4 and I am expected to be there at 2 for pictures. How can I leave my baby for 10 hours till after the wedding is over???

Please help me with some suggestions. What would you do?

Fabulous

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:01 pm

2 options: Does she take a bottle of expressed milk? Perhaps you can leave that with a babysitter and pump after pics and after chuppa or something.

The other option is to put your foot down either to her face or to her daughter, the kallah. You are an immediate family member, as is your daughter. You are paying for the babysitter, she doesn't have a say, sorry.

Classicookie

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:02 pm

how old is your baby?why dose it bother her if you have your baby with you I say you should bring the baby by my brothers wedding some of my sil sisters didnten even relise I hade a baby till by sheva brohos bec she was with a babysitter most of the time

Ronit

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:02 pm

There isn't a closed off room somewhere in the hall where the babysitter can be with the baby the whole time. Will it help if you tell her that the neither the baby nor sitter will be seen by the guests?

If you have the right person to leave the baby with, then you can always pump before & leave that for the baby. Obviously you'd need to pump at the wedding too, but that takes faster than nursing in any case.

tzipp

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:02 pm

Go for two hours for the pictures, go back home for a few hours, then go back for a few hours, leave early, that's it. what a pain. OR is it in a hotel, or is there a hotel nearby? can you stay overnights and have the babysitter there?

life'sgreat

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:04 pm

Are all babies/children disinvited? This isn't the norm in many circles, but it seems to me that the 'perfect wedding' is more important to her than people actually being calm and enjoying the simcha of their families. Is it possible to have a babysitter right next to the hall (that would depend on location)? I think she's being unreasonable.

tzipp

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:04 pm

On second thought, skip the pictures if you are going to do the drive. You can be in the after the chuppah ones, its too much to ask you to drive back and forth like that. Too bad for them, it's not your problem.

amother

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:08 pm

Its an hour away. Can I miss the Chuppuh? No she will not allow a babysitter at the hall Sad

!!!! She is being very diffucult. Sad

. My baby is 7 months and so easygoing.

Thank you to those who are trying to help me figure this out

amother

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:11 pm

p.s. Hall is in a country club, nothing else is in the area, no hotels ect. There is a 2nd floor they are renting out for the brides family and the wedding party to get ready in , but she will not allow me to use it

saw50st8

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:11 pm

Honestly,

Talk to your brother. Explain to him that you won't be able to be there if you can't bring your baby and its up to him.

He has the choice - stand up to his MIL or not have his sister there.

life'sgreat

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:13 pm

amother wrote:

Its an hour away. Can I miss the Chuppuh? No she will not allow a babysitter at the hall Sad

!!!! She is being very diffucult. Sad

. My baby is 7 months and so easygoing.

Thank you to those who are trying to help me figure this out

Frankly, I'm not sure I'd "listen" to her. I think that as much as she's paying excess money for the wedding, you are just as much a family member at this wedding and you have a right to enjoy it, her money being flushed down notwithstanding. I don't think it gives her a right to call all the shots at this wedding. If you feel that it will ruin the wedding for you if you don't have your baby within your premises as needed (um, pumping at a wedding because you're so engorged?), there's no reason for you to listen to her. You can be just as firm and insistent in saying that "I'm sorry if my baby and her babysitter in another room/hallway/wherever will bother you but I hope to enjoy my brother's wedding and this is the only way that can work for me".

Last edited by life'sgreat on Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

life'sgreat

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:15 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

I don't think it's her brother's job. I think it's her job, if the ~~money machine~~ mother in law spoke to her directly. I would simply be just as firm as she is.

She's being ridiculously unreasonable by not allowing her to use the upstairs rooms for the baby when it's not being used by the bride.

amother

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:15 pm

Saw-

That was my first thought. But thats a pretty big altimadum. I really didnt consider it an option not to be there. My second thought was to say . My baby is coming, please get your mother in law used to the idea.
Can I do that?

I should mention I'm the only immediate family member with a baby

saw50st8

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:18 pm

You absolutely can do that. However, the only problem would be if the MIL blames your brother now and it may cause fights.

Is your brother the type to say "well, then don't come"?

Or you can just tell his MIL "I'll take the babysitter to the part of the hall my parents are paying for, no problem."

If you want a possible solution that's still a PITA, are there any hotels nearby the country club? If so, you could rent a room and have the babysitter there and go back and forth....but I think that's crazy.

life'sgreat

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:20 pm

amother wrote:

IMO, it's unfair to involve the choson. It seems to me he'll have enough to deal with and sticking up for his sister isn't his job IMO. You simply call her up and let her know (or email/text) that your baby will be there with a babysitter. Just be firm about it and say that you're sorry it might bother her, but it is your family member's wedding just as much as her's.

Raizle

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:21 pm

you said your parents are paying a small share.
Does that share include their share of the guests?
If they are paying for their share of guests then it's up to them who gets invited no matter how much more your brothers in-laws are paying.
in which case she doesn't have a choice end of story.
Someone needs to point that out to her point blank.

runninglate

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:23 pm

I dont think its nice to put your brother in a situation where he has to have a confrontation with his future mil. She is being unreasonable, but if she has to be dealt with, its better that she have hard feelings to u as opposed to against her new son in law who will have to deal with her in the future.

Basimcha

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:24 pm

Wow that MIL is really tough!

It's your brothers wedding and although she is paying for most of it she can't dictate you!

I assume you still have some time until the wedding? If so, can you start training your baby to take a bottle. You have the option then of leaving her with a sitter and you can pump during the wedding. However, if your baby refuses to take bottles I would bring her along!

Basimcha

Sun, Feb 27 2011, 9:26 pm

RR6178 wrote:

Totally agree!