What can I do for my cleaning lady?

wtvr

Mon, Apr 11 2011, 11:40 pm

I have a cleaning lady that comes once a week. She comes from another country. Last week, I got a call from her phone, from s/o related to her, saying that her 18 yr old daughter, who lives in that county, has died, and that she is too "destroyed" (his word- I think he meant distraught) to come work, and will come next week. She did not go back to her country- I don't know why, but assume it's either legal or financial reasons, (or a combo).

I called today to see if she can come tomorrow, and she sounded bad on the phone. She will be coming to work, though.

What can I do for her? I feel really badly for her.

Any advice?

StrawberrySmoothie

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 11:05 am

Baking her something is definitely nice if you can manage that before pesach. You can also give her a bonus and write her a nice card if she knows enough english.

Whatever you decide to do, its the thought that counts. Its nice to see how thoughtful you are.

leaht

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 12:23 pm

sorry for your celaning ladys loss...
I live in argentina and we get local cleaning ladies and also from other countries like peru, bolivia, paraguay etc. withought judging yous cleaning lady, I want to just tell you that here its known that these people have 3 mothers, 5 fathers and 15 siblings/kids/aunt/uncles/boyfriends who ALWAYS die when its most hectic in the house, like erev pesach, tishrai etc. so again, withought judging her, I suggest you look into it before you spend $$$. if its true, this is a tragedy and you should be extra nice and suppoting towards her. and as I always say, in our tefillos we must include our shiksa's health and of their families too!!! happy cleaning while shes gone!

amother

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 12:33 pm

leaht wrote:

sorry for your celaning ladys loss...
I live in argentina and we get local cleaning ladies and also from other countries like peru, bolivia, paraguay etc. withought judging yous cleaning lady, I want to just tell you that here its known that these people have 3 mothers, 5 fathers and 15 siblings/kids/aunt/uncles/boyfriends who ALWAYS die when its most hectic in the house, like erev pesach, tishrai etc. so again, withought judging her, I suggest you look into it before you spend $$$. if its true, this is a tragedy and you should be extra nice and suppoting towards her. and as I always say, in our tefillos we must include our shiksas health and of their families too!!! happy cleaning while shes gone!

LOL! It's not just cleaning ladies. I used to work in HR for a fairly large company and I always had a handful of employees whose parents/ siblings/ etc. died repeatedly.

However, if her cleaning lady has been a good employee why distrust her?

Kind words and a nice gesture will be appreciated very much.

de_goldy

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 12:39 pm

leaht wrote:

sorry for your celaning ladys loss...
I live in argentina and we get local cleaning ladies and also from other countries like peru, bolivia, paraguay etc. withought judging yous cleaning lady, I want to just tell you that here its known that these people have 3 mothers, 5 fathers and 15 siblings/kids/aunt/uncles/boyfriends who ALWAYS die when its most hectic in the house, like erev pesach, tishrai etc. so again, withought judging her, I suggest you look into it before you spend $$$. if its true, this is a tragedy and you should be extra nice and suppoting towards her. and as I always say, in our tefillos we must include our shiksas health and of their families too!!! happy cleaning while shes gone!

How nasty and condescending.

StrawberrySmoothie

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 12:44 pm

leaht wrote:

sorry for your celaning ladys loss...
I live in argentina and we get local cleaning ladies and also from other countries like peru, bolivia, paraguay etc. withought judging yous cleaning lady, I want to just tell you that here its known that these people have 3 mothers, 5 fathers and 15 siblings/kids/aunt/uncles/boyfriends who ALWAYS die when its most hectic in the house, like erev pesach, tishrai etc. so again, withought judging her, I suggest you look into it before you spend $$$. if its true, this is a tragedy and you should be extra nice and suppoting towards her. and as I always say, in our tefillos we must include our shiksas health and of their families too!!! happy cleaning while shes gone!

amother

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 1:23 pm

You know, I understand that some people are sensitive to the use of the word shiksa, and so we can all make an effort not to use it here, but I have to say personally I am a lot less concerned with what people call their help then with how they treat their help. I've said it before, I've seen people who treat their shiksa like gold and I've seen people who treat their cleaning lady like garbage.

wtvr

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 1:35 pm

Thanks for all the suggestions. I was thinking about a baking something, but somehow, it seems to me that it may come across like I'm trivializing her loss. It also felt funny for me to bake something for her, and have her clean up my mess...lol!

I'm thinking of giving her a small bonus, and tell her to use it for herself, especially since she won't be working for me the next 2 weeks, b/c of Y"T.

And leaht...I'm sorry I'm so naive to think that someone who's eyes are bloodshot, doesn't eat what I offered her, b/c she doesn't have an appetite, and shows me picture of a beautiful girl, is actually suffering a loss, especially since we're not even Pesach cleaning...

StrawberrySmoothie

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 1:36 pm

amother wrote:

The way you refer to a person reflects very much on how you think of them. If a person calls someone "their shiksa or [gentile woman]" that does not reflect very much respect. If they don't have respect for them, imagine how they treat them? Especially when in a position of power. Calling someone by a respectful title is only the first step.

StrawberrySmoothie

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 1:38 pm

wtvr wrote:

You sound like a very kind and thoughtful person.

amother

Tue, Apr 12 2011, 8:32 pm

StrawberrySmoothie wrote:

amother wrote:

You're 100% correct. But please understand that for some people those terms aren't being used with any malice or disrespect. It's just the language they have grown up with and it's as neutral as saying cleaning lady or housekeeper. I know this is not the case with everyone. But for some of us it really is.

Barbara

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 1:03 am

amother wrote:

I call my domestic help "[gentile woman]" and treat her with royalty. She always tells me how nice I am to her so whatever you call her totaly doesn't make a difference.

So, if your daughter's teacher regularly refers to her as a Skank Ho, but is a good and fair teacher, that's fine by you.

Your son's teacher calls him Moron, but treats him fairly, you're ok with that.

Your boss refers to you as That Kike Bee-Yothch, but pays you well and doesn't harass you, that's fine.

Your husband's boss calls him Jew Boy Krist Killer, that's also fine.

MrsMortgage

Wed, Apr 13 2011, 7:03 am

Barbara wrote:

amother wrote:

I call my domestic help "[gentile woman]" and treat her with royalty. She always tells me how nice I am to her so whatever you call her totaly doesn't make a difference.

Is it very wrong that thy cracked me up? U r great at this Barbera